Positive driving alone first time experiences

[NervousAndScared1]

I finally passed my driving test recently. It took me over 1.5 years to learn and 4 tests. I really struggled with learning mainly due to lack of confidence and nerves. I've bought a car and have my insurance ready to start this weekend and will go out driving on quiet roads with my dad until I'm used to the car and feeling more confident to go out alone.

I know that I can't rely on him forever but the thought of going out by myself for the first time really worries me and I'm scared about taking my children in the car. I had a read online of people's first time driving alone experiences and read a lot of horror stories which has put me off even more.

It feels like everyone has a story to tell which involves being in an accident so what I'm looking for is people to tell me their positive driving stories to show me it's possible to drive and not be involved in a crash. I have a real fear of driving and I'm considering hypnotherapy so would also be grateful if anyone could tell me their experiences of that.

I also just want to add I will not go on the road alone until I'm feeling 100% confident before anyone tells me I'm a danger and shouldn't be driving etc.

Oh and I’ve just remembered after seeing another post, I actually prefer driving alone if I have to, probably because the main person I drive with is my mum and she’s a bit of a backseat driver! Alone I feel more confident as I only have myself to answer to

@firstimemamma I've heard a few people say they've done this and would love to be able to but I'm a single parent and try to save my babysitting nights for special occasions

Do quiet areas/routes with your Dad in the car. Then keep doing them yourself when he's not there. Then branch out a little further, even asking your Dad to come along again if you need it. Then just keep doing those over and over til you're confident in them.

I am still a nervous driver so one thing I would say to you is branch out ASAP and don't stick to the exact same routes all the time or like me you'll be afraid to go somewhere you've never tried before. I still have to get DP to take me the route to show me lanes etc then I'll happily do it myself. I would like to just try it myself but I'm still a bit nervous although I've got a little better recently. I passed just over a year ago.

Well done on passing and try to enjoy driving as it really is liberating just getting in and going where you need to without waiting on anyone.

@herbsmokedchicken a few people have said this to me

I agree it’s easy to see everyone else as a natural driver. I remember for years before I started to learn I’d ask people how they know to change the gears. And they always say “you just know! You just knoooow!” And it was true for me, I was able to tell from pretty early on when the gears needed changing but At the time it made it feel like everyone else had no worries and got it all straight away

@BorisTheBellend that's what I've been thinking I don't want to hinder myself as I know it will just make it worse as time goes on. My mum's been driving 15 years and won't go near a motorway and is only confident on roads she knows. She had to drive back 50 miles at the weekend when we picked my car up as my dad drove that home and we followed. She was almost sick with nerves beforehand as it was unfamiliar roads and she was dreading a massive roundabout. I don't want to be like that but I think I probably will which is a reason I've been thinking about hypnotherapy.

Ah fair enough op! Well done on passing though.

I've avoided some of the bigger roundabouts in my town as DP taught me little detours to avoid them which was amazing at first but for some reason this week I've got a lot more confidence and taken the big roundabouts and you know what happened? Nothing. I was fine, the traffic was heavy but I did just fine. One thing to keep telling yourself is fuck what anyone else thinks. I used to get really antsy about not taking my turn quicker at a roundabout and think omg the driver behind me is probably saying I shouldn't be on the road but as soon as I started telling myself I didn't care what they thought then it made it less stressful and I'm gaining confidence every day.

I am absolutely not a natural driver and have avoided loads of situations where I'd need to do big roundabouts, new routes, parallel parking, reversing into a parking space between 2 cars (took me months to attempt it, I have parking sensors and a rear camera ffs) etc but I am getting there and surprise my self some days by just doing it and other days backing out at the last minute because I've over thought it. But I'm getting better and that's the main thing.

If you do stall, I think a lot, if not most, people will be patient and understanding because we've all been there! Even if you get beeped at it might not be impatience but that they think you haven't seen the light is green and are letting you know, as opposed to getting annoyed you've stalled.

Personally if someone in front of me stalls I mutter "oh dear", put my handbrake back on while they sort themselves out, and try to make sure my body language looks neutral in case they are getting themselves in a state and interpret anything they glimpse that I'm doing as more pressure. (You know what it's like when you're panicking, suddenly every blink is threatening).

Positive self talk! Pretend everyone else on the road is cheering you on. You're right, nobody will remember you stalling in a few minutes. And a few people are just arseholes you have to tune out and let their antics wash over you. But that's true everywhere.

@firstimemamma thank you

@BorisTheBellend sounds like you are doing really well just getting out there and going for it. I do need to stop worrying about what anyone else is thinking and I will definitely be like you describe when it comes to parking etc. I will probably got to Asda or Tesco most of the time as there is always a large area of the car park empty

@user1423578854468 I wish everyone on the road was like you! If I thought people behind me were going to be patient I wouldn't worry half as much but I know that's unrealistic so I will just have to get on with it and like you say let it wash over me.

I really appreciate everyone's advice and reassurance. It's shown me to stop overthinking and just get on with it. For now I am feeling a little more positive and will report back at the weekend how I get on.

The first time I drove alone I sat in my car for half an hour and then bottled it and got out to go back inside. Then a friend kicked me up the ass and told me to just go do it so I did. I drove down to the roundabout outside my estate and back up. Then a few minutes later I drove about 5 mins further and ever since then I've been flying it.

I just passed my test and bought a car, I drove back from the garage with my DP. It involved a motorway and lots of bad weather but I did it! Then I took DS to the supermarket in it and managed to park in the car park. I'm nearly 40 and so glad I've finally done it! Not managed to drive with music yet but that's next!
Try and get your confidence up with non stressful excursions with helpful people.

Hi OP, congrats on passing. I passed only yesterday (2nd time) and I know how incredibly hard and stressful it is. I also had reverse bay park before leaving the centre and thought I’d failed. I think it helped me relax, oddly. I was so shocked when he said I’d passed.

I haven’t gone out on my own yet, and I’m nervous too. I was so convinced I was never going to pass that I had not considered what would happen afterwards!

I do know that I can drive though, and I actually passed the test in my own car, which has given me faith in myself. It’s a Land Rover, so I’m glad to have that “permission” to drive it.

Good luck with your practice.

Hi OP, congratulations on passing your test!

I passed in late 2018, in my thirties. The following day I went for a drive to the local halfords to buy some P plates - a couple of miles maybe? Took my Dad with me... and wanted to murder him within the first 2 minutes. We get on brilliantly normally but he does things very differently to how I was taught. I kicked him out of the car at the end of his road on the way back and drove on, on my own, to visit my MIL a mile or so further on. And it was fine! Even though it included the massive roundabout I was terrified of. That night I went out for dinner with a friend - again, only a few miles, but I picked her up and drove us both! Spent the whole time apologising for how bad/slow/nervous I was, but it was fine.

The next day I drove 2 and a half hours from my parents' house (where I'd taken the test) to my own home - all but the first and last couple of miles were on motorways, including the M25. Had my husband in the car with me but he can't drive so to all intents and purposes I was on my own. And again, it was fine!

I'm not a natural driver, at all, I still get nervous about unfamiliar routes, and I worry far too much about what other drivers think of me, and about pissing people off if I make a mistake/hold people up. But the vast majority of people are fine - you'll always get dicks who think they're more busy and important than anyone else on the road, but try to ignore them.

The best thing you can do is just do it - don't let it build up and up in your head. To start with I would find excuses not to use the car - "oh I'll just walk it, it's good for me" or "the parking might be busy so I can just get the bus" - but the best thing I did was just start driving regularly. Driving to work every day was great for building up my confidence. And it doesn't gave to be long trips - I just popped to the nearby supermarket regularly to pick up things we needed.

Good luck for your driving with your dad this weekend but honestly, I'd try to go out on your own as soon as you can, even if it's just for a mile or two. Try and stop yourself and say "why am I walking to the bus stop? I can get in the car!" You said you can't wait until you can just jump in the car, but you can! Any time you want. You just have that weird "I've passed my test but it's not really OK for me to drive yet" feeling. You can do it, you just need the confidence. And I say this as the person who kept their P plates on for 5 months because I was too nervous to take them off...

I'd suggest a short trip with a treat at the end. When I passed my test I went drove 5 miles into the nearby town and got myself fish and chips.

I wonder if you've picked up your mum's nervousness, OP?
When I passed I just went all in. I got straight on the M6 and drove to Liverpool, then through Liverpool to see my family. Parked up, cup of tea, back on the road. I've always enjoyed driving and the only issues I've had were the fault of other people. I can't say I don't feel a little nervousness in snow or thick ice but I read up on how to deal with those conditions. Done some track days too, to learn how far you can push a car (and yourself!)

I took 7 or 8 goes to pass my test, taking tests over several years. After passing, stuck to short journeys only and let boyfriends and friends do the bulk of the driving. Only when I went through a longer period of being single did I realise I had to tackle longer journeys/ motorway driving. The gamechanger for me was realising the car could be my own mobile karaoke booth and I could choose the music and sing as loud as I wanted and nobody would complain! Sounds silly but it really unlocked driving as a joyful experience.

Have you considered a PassPlus course? Would give you even more experience. I didn't do PassPlus in the end. But I did do an advanced driving lesson with the IAM when I started to get a fear of parking. It was brilliant, taught by a policeman who gave great advice for road positioning and hazard anticipation.

The best thing really is to just get out there as soon as you can and do it. I learnt in my 30s and ended up out there with my child. It was stressful but I knew if I didn't get out there right away I'd build it up to a bigger thing.

It was scary, but the more you do it, the better you get. Now I don't think twice about it, I drive solo on motorways for long distances and have driven abroad. That last one still freaks me out a bit, but I can do it. Weirdly I'd rather drive abroad on a motorway than in a town. I think because there is less chance of ending up on the wrong side by accident!

My advice to you is what my counsellor advised me when I was fretting over driving abroad. It was to pick apart every single aspect of what might happen, and then ask myself "so what?"

• You miss your turning? So what. You carry on to the next one and turn round.
• You get lost? So what. You stop somewhere, take a breather, check your phone maps (even carry an old paper A-Z if you want!)
• You break down? So what. You call breakdown and wait for them.
• You stall the car? So what. You re-start and go on with your day. Etc.

ALL DRIVERS do one or more of these things, however long they have been driving*. You don't have a big flashing sign on your roof saying "look at me, I'm new and rubbish!". People can and will be dicks on the road because some people are dicks. It's them, not you.

(*I've been driving decades and in the past few years, I have broken down in roadworks/narrow lanes; stalled at busy lights; got lost in a foreign country; missed turnings by the dozen in new places etc. It's ok.)

Congratulations on passing OP! I totally understand your fears as this was me a few years ago - I passed relatively late in life (mid-thirties) and felt like everyone around me was a "natural" and I just ... wasn't.

There's already some brilliant advice here but I just wanted to add something that helped me. When I felt nervous about going out on the roads because of other drivers, I realised that I was visualising all these scary "other drivers" as aggressive, impatient men in big powerful cars. Not sure why, but probably because the horror stories that had stuck in my mind involved altercations with people like this.

So when I was out and about (not driving, but on foot or a passenger) I made a point of noticing who all these people were driving around. And obviously, they're just all kinds of normal people. Mums, dads, grandparents on the school run. Delivery drivers. Carers. Tradespeople. Basically, just ordinary people going to work or the supermarket, just like me or you. Anyway, this (completely obvious I realise) revelation was a big help in getting my stress levels down.

Congratulations. I was more nervous thinking of driving alone than I was in practice when doing it. It's only a small thing but I found that having the green new driver plates on the car really helped me to feel more confident. Have a little practice with finding reverse in your new car, I was shocked at how different it is car to car, push down, pull up, different locations 😕

Just catching up on the latest posts. Too many to reply to individually but I have read them all and appreciate every word.

Laughing at the poster who kicked her dad out the car and agree I have picked up on my mum's nervousness.

I would love to do pass plus but I can't afford it now that I'm paying car insurance. Tbh I don't even know if it would help, I have no idea how many lessons I had altogether I stopped counting months back when it got into the 50s. When I passed my instructor told me just to get in touch with him if I'm struggling and he will come out with me in my new car for no charge. I'd feel bad about this though as he gave me a lot of free lessons because I struggle for money and it feels like a bit of a step back but I know the option is there. I also don't feel that extra lessons are going to do me any good it's something I have to overcome in my head if that makes sense. The problem is in my head and no amount of driving lessons will take it away.

So I will get out tomorrow and get lots of practice in and hope for the best. This thread has helped a lot I will read over the posts again tonight when I'm in bed.

So I will get out tomorrow and get lots of practice in and hope for the best.

You need to stop being your own worst enemy too. Your language is (sorry) really wet.

How about "tomorrow I will go out and prove to myself I can do this!" instead of always doubting/knocking yourself and "hoping" it'll be ok?

You have already proven to be competent enough to pass your driving test. You are simply lacking a bit of on-road experience but there's a really easy fix for that...

Stop negging yourself and get out there!

@BuzzShitbagBobbly my instructor always said the same thing to me. Totally lacking in self belief. Just find it hard to believe i have a license