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Original poster

Child's party on Sunday

32 replies

cjt110 · 04/03/2020 11:00

We got an invite last Fri (28th) for a party this Sunday (8th). I took it out and totally forgot to message or ask my son if he wanted to attend.

DH was asked by party-child's Mum (PCM) on Monday were we going as there was an invite in son's bag on Friday. DH said to PCM that he was working and wasn't sure of my plans so would ask me to make contact.

I texted to say son would like to attend and we'd see them there.

Only now, I have realised I'm pretty skint (I try to plan ahead for events such as this as they are usually invited with more notice) but don't want to do the shitty thing and now text saying we can't come.

What's the best action for this? I can hardly turn up without a gift but I find parties usually cost around a tenner or so and this would eat into what cash i have left until the end of March.

OP posts:
AsAnActualWoman · 04/03/2020 11:36

How old will the party child be?

KatnissMellark · 04/03/2020 11:38

Just go without a gift. It's my son's party on Sunday and we've invited people we want to come and have fun with him, not people who we expect gifts from. I would hate for anyone to be stressed or skint due to our invite. And DS certainly won't notice whose brought a gift and who hasn't.

Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 11:40

@AsAnActualWoman Child will be 6.

@KatnissMellark We had someone turn up to my son's without a gift - they had a lot going on and forgot to get one. It wasn't a big deal for us but I know some might think it rude if we didn't come with a gift

OP posts:
KatnissMellark · 04/03/2020 11:45

I really would never think anyone rude for turning up with a gift. It actually makes me uncomfortable when people ask me what DS would like.

If you're worried about them thinking you're rude, you could explain. Alternatively if you don't want to share details and are still worried can you look around your home for something to re-gift? Or do one of those jarsl things with ingredients to make cookies if you have flour, sugar etc in (have a Google). Or pop to the pound shop and pick up a book or similar. Don't bother with a card.

DobbinAlong · 04/03/2020 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kanga83 · 04/03/2020 11:50

I also would not think you rude for not buying a gift and would be mortified if I found out money issues was the reason you declined my invite. I have never spent £10 on a gift for a school friend but always get my daughter to write a little note and a picture about the things they like about the birthday person. I usually have a stock pile of books from the works when they are on offer. Works out a pound or two

Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 11:52

Great ideas about books.

I'm trying to get a handle on my money and this has just thrown me a little. Perhaps I can have a look through DS' vast collection of books he never reads and re-gift. Something is better than nothing... right?

OP posts:
Pollaidh · 04/03/2020 11:52

I, and many others, wouldn't mind at all if there was no present, DC just want to spend time with their friends. They and we generally don't even notice, except if writing thank you cards, and then if we do notice some people didn't bring presents, the DC aren't upset or anything. They have so much stuff I'm actually quite grateful. I'd hate to feel someone wasn't coming because they felt they had to bring a gift.

If you feel you might be judged, or don't want to go with nothing, then some cheap chocolate, or a book from a pound shop would be fine. Your DC could even make a card. We've often received cards of folded paper and the children are always really pleased with them.

Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 11:54

I find the £10 is £6 on a gift/card then a drink for myself/son when we are at said party.

I've even been known to go to B&M before and get a couple of cans of pop to take with us at 39p a can instead of the £1 a can they charge.

OP posts:
itsabitofamess · 04/03/2020 11:55

A little boy in my sons class bought him a £1 pack of hairibo once. He was completely delighted and whilst I guessed the mum was probably a bit skint I didn't care a jot either (particularly as I made him share the sweets with me!!).

Pollaidh · 04/03/2020 11:57

Yes to your last suggestion, most families I know would not judge second hand toys/books. DD once discovered her friend already had the planned present, so chose her favourite books and gave them instead. I didn't even know about it until afterwards. And DS received some of his friend's favourite books last year and found them even more special because they were his friend's books. You can talk up the environmental angle if you like.

The only one I'd caution is if the friend's parents are the flashy, designer label everywhere type. I've noticed some of these parents are a bit more concerned with appearances and don't like second hand. Whereas our group is all about recycling etc. Some of the children ask for charity donations in place of birthday presents.

itsabitofamess · 04/03/2020 11:57

Ps take a water bottle with you. Totally normal these days although party hosts normally buy coffees for parents in my area.

3rdNamechange · 04/03/2020 11:58

Do you have a present left over you could re gift or have you got time to go to the Works , usually pick up quite nice books for under £5 and a £1 card factory card ?
I used to buy a pack of cards for kids then it's not as stressful.

domesticslattern · 04/03/2020 11:58

Lovely hand made card.
Regift if you have something nice to hand, or just some sweeties or similar.
Thankyou text afterwards.

Enjoy the party Smile

Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 11:59

@Pollaidh Good "caution" The PCM is a young girl who I think is on her own and until PC went to school, wasn't working.

The idea of the sweets is a brilliant one actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 12:01

@itsabitofamess Since DS started school in Sept 18, we've been to approx 20 parties..? And I'd say that only 1 provided coffees for the parents.

I could see what I could find on Friday (my day off)

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 12:02

Thankyou text afterwards. Always do that :) Used to think I must be odd. Nice to see I'm not alone in doing this

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 12:03

Just seen that the works do 10 books for £10. That's great!

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 04/03/2020 12:04

Where is the party?

Original poster
cjt110 · 04/03/2020 12:07

@ineedaholidaynow At a local playgym

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 04/03/2020 12:09

I used to give £5, now they are older £10.

But seriously, you don't need a drink, just take a reusable water bottle filled with water, a handmade card, and a bag of haribo. Total cost £1. I mean, come on!

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/03/2020 12:09

I’d never judge someone on the present they gave - I honestly think the majority of parents wouldn’t care at all.

curiouscatgotkilled · 04/03/2020 12:13

My kids love to 'shop their bedroom' for gifts. Obviously I wouldnt let them give something manky or really tatty. Your son could also make a card or a picture.
I wish everyone would do this! better for the environment and also ££

i would never judge someone for not bringing a gift to my childrens party and id hate to thinkn they used money needed elsewhere for it too.
dont worry about it any more!

Pollaidh · 04/03/2020 12:14

Sometimes those with the least are those most concerned with appearances though. I guess if you've grown up with 4th hand me downs and were teased, or feel as a single parent you have to prove you are looking after your child properly because of prejudice, then the appearances might matter. You'll know what this mum is like though.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/03/2020 13:00

Make a handmade card and go without a present. It is not a big deal. If you can stretch to £1 then a bag of sweets is a lovely present.