I don't want to hear "she had a good innings"

[hotstepper4]

My amazing dnan, 93, is dying.

She fell on Sunday, was on the floor for 16 hours. She broke her shoulder, was taken in.

Monday she seemed a bit confused, but nothing major. More funny than anything. Was talking about getting better, and out of hospital.

Tuesday, she gets a urine infection. Is refusing to be medicated in any way. She's been ready to go for a long time, and the family respect her wishes.

It isn't my dnan anymore. She no longer knows us. She's shouting, she's angry, but none of what she's saying makes sense. I tried to hold her hand, and she slapped me away.

My dnan means the earth to me. She's my best friend. The only member of my family that I have ever felt gets me, understands me. We speak on the phone constantly, I visit her as much as possible. She's my biggest cheerleader. I can't breathe. This hurts so badly.

I just want her back.

She's refusing water and food so the Dr said she'll pass sooner than later.

I can't think of life without my beautiful dnan in it.

So sorry for all you are going through.
Doesn't matter how old someone is if they are such a big love in your life, that loss is huge.

Oh dear that sounds particularly difficult. Im so sorry

This wont be much help now, but when the dust begins to settle I would really recommend listening to griefcast. Its a podcast about death and grief with comedians. Its like talking to someone who really gets it, without actually talking to someone.

Remember this is what she wants and YOUR nan has gone it’s just her body hasn’t caught up. I know it’s so hard but would you rather see her suffering? I think you know you wouldn’t want that. It’s awful and hard and I hope you can find some peace

Did she express 'no intervention' when well?

UTIs do leave an elderly person confused and acting out of character.

Are you all happy with the no intention?

You're having a major loss and it doesn't matter how long she has lived, it doesn't help you grieve and won't hekp with her no longer being here.

I was with a parent for a week as they died. Nothing about the experience was good other than the fact that you are with them as they go. Taking care of them any way you can - talking to them, brushing their hair or moistening dry lips ( if they will allow it) is an act of love and honours them. Concentrate on that for now. Good luck

93! Bloody hell she had a good... er, support network. How lovely you were so close for such a long time.

UTI will make them go nasty even my nan who was lovely had a sharp word with me can they not treat the uti?

I get it.My gran died at 98 and she was fucking amazing.It still hurts now 9 years later.

I felt the same way about my Nanna as you do yours sending you all my love

We had this with my Nan, she just said she wanted to die. Stay strong and by her side. Hugs xx

@hotstepper4
I am so very sorry you are going through this now....the pain will be there for a long time...it does help to remember that she is in your heart and that you have many happy memories of her. My father who loved bluebirds passed at 92 so whenever we see a bluebird, we say, "oh look! It's dad"...gives us a bit of joy remembering how he loved bluebirds. My aunt loved bright yellow so when we see a bright yellow butterfly, we say, " look, there's Auntie!"
I know it feels as if a piece of your heart is being ripped out. I have you in my thoughts and prayers
as you are going through this

She's confused because of the infection. She's still your nan. Tell her how much she means to you. Love her as you always have done. Stay with her, comfort her, and remember all the good times you have spent together. If she's ready to go, then respect her wishes.

One of my grandmothers is 93, just starting radiotherapy for skin cancer. She is my last grandparent and I’ll be devastated when she passes.
I was very close to my other grandmother who died 11 years ago in her late 80’s but she was ready to go and a fall plus hospital stay did for her too. It is so hard but you have to remember them as they were.

My deceased grandmother is with me everywhere and I see her smile in my DD. It does get easier but you are allowed to grieve no matter how old they are x

Oh love

That's exactly how my gran died and she was really peaceful, after the stage of confusion. I think she decided she was done, was at peace with her choice, and that was that.

Just talk to her and tell her you'll see her again. It's ok.

Handhold OP, you are never ready to lose someone you love, I have lost all of the older generation of my family, it hurts, I miss them so much.

Ah so many kind replies. Thank you. It means a lot. She has had a good life, we've all loved her to bits.

I'm so sad for you.

I watched my Father die 5 years ago when he was 93, & it was heart-breaking to see that he had to refuse food & eventually water because he wanted to die.
There should be an easier way.

My dnan died last year - 3 weeks short of her 94th birthday. I was devastated but was (and am) very aware that she lived to an old age and that's a positive thing to embrace.

So sorry you are going through this - it is hard no matter what age

You know her best but are you sure they are doing all they can for her?

I am so sorry you are losing her, it's clear she means the world to you and it's so good you've had that relationship with her and so very hard to lose.

I get you, OP. My wonderful nan was 98 when she died, she & I were so close. I still miss her, 17 years on, but have such lovely memories.

Sending you love and a handhold

I feel your pain so much. 6 months ago I lost my beloved 93 year old Grandma in similar circumstances and watched her pass away over a week. My heart broke.
Two weeks ago I sat with my lovely Dad and watched him pass away and it's his funeral. I can't breathe for the pain and I am trying to distract myself on social media like nothing is wrong. Just to stop the pain for a few moments.
Sending you love, I know how much this hurts xxx