I don't want to hear "she had a good innings"

[hotstepper4]

My amazing dnan, 93, is dying.

She fell on Sunday, was on the floor for 16 hours. She broke her shoulder, was taken in.

Monday she seemed a bit confused, but nothing major. More funny than anything. Was talking about getting better, and out of hospital.

Tuesday, she gets a urine infection. Is refusing to be medicated in any way. She's been ready to go for a long time, and the family respect her wishes.

It isn't my dnan anymore. She no longer knows us. She's shouting, she's angry, but none of what she's saying makes sense. I tried to hold her hand, and she slapped me away.

My dnan means the earth to me. She's my best friend. The only member of my family that I have ever felt gets me, understands me. We speak on the phone constantly, I visit her as much as possible. She's my biggest cheerleader. I can't breathe. This hurts so badly.

I just want her back.

She's refusing water and food so the Dr said she'll pass sooner than later.

I can't think of life without my beautiful dnan in it.

It's horrendous, isn't it. My Granny is just shy of 91 and was last week diagnosed with terminal secondary bone cancer. She's gone from being relatively frail and independent, last week, to now being unable to get out of her chair.
She has a care plan in place for 3 months and under and it breaks my heart. She's the most amazing grandmother to me, and great grandmother to my kids. I just can't imagine what it's going to be like without her.

Hugs to everyone on this thread losing or who has lost someone they love xx

I'm so sorry, and even more sorry there's nothing that eases the pain of losing someone so dear to you.

So sorry OP it’s never a right time but if she’s had enough and you love her then you need to let her go. The nan you love will always be with you. Tell her how loved she is and give her your permission to stop fighting and slip away

I’m so sorry , this is very tough for you .
I really do understand, my gran was 93 when she passed and she was ready to go ...
I was heartbroken ... she and I were so close ...
7 years on and I think of her so much but in an inspiring way ...
I live life to the full and regularly look up and say to her “ look at me ! I’m not wasting a minute of my life “ ..
you will have so many memories of her that you will cherish ..

Take care xxxxxx

@bumhead ..
I’m so sorry , such a challenging and sad time for you ..
wishing you the very best .. try to stay strong
take care of yourself xxx

@babbi

Thank you, that's a really lovely thing to say
xxxx

@babbi

And I am very sorry for the loss of your lovely Gran
xxxx

Ah so much kindness on this thread. Thank you.

Does anyone mind if I tell you a bit about her?

She's the kindest lady. Literally, nothing is too much trouble for her. She was just the best nan growing up. She had a massive dolls house, I used to love playing with it. It was her pride and joy.

She made the best jelly. No one can make jelly like dnan. Ice cream with it, she'd always take it out of the freezer to soften it up. Then later, she'd get her chocolate tin out!

She loved playing board games. She was so careful with things, some of her board games were from when my dm was little! Oh, the hours we've spent playing board games and chatting...

She doted on my ds9. Loved him to pieces. In every room of her house, there's a pic of him in a frame.

She'd send a card for any and every occasion. Any promotion, little operation, even if she knew you were feeling down.. She'd send a card. She had so many friends..

She loved cleaning. Her house was impeccable. When she was younger, she'd come over and clean my place too! My toilet wasn't clean until it was 'nan clean'! 😂 🤣

She loved to chat. About everything and anything. Nothing made her happier than when I called her to tell her about ds latest escapades..

She was just the best dnan in the whole world. ♥

She is one strong, determined lady - in a very good way!
It is good that she was able to express a preference (and to be fair, she opted for quality not quantity, which I would do too) and that her wishes are being respected. The staff will do their utmost to keep her comfortable.
Sounds like a lovely lady. Great parents and grandparents raise us to be strong enough to carry on without them after we have got over the initial sadness. That is what my late DMum told me, she didn't want me to be devastated.
I read something simple but profound, that might help some out there - try not to think of it as a life ended, think of it as a life completed.

She sounds amazing, so sorry for you. I hope her end of life is peaceful.

My DGM died at 93. My friends mum died the same week, both local women well known in our rural community. I got so upset at people saying she had a good innings compared to friend's mum. I snapped at one point telling a large group of people that I was very grateful that we had her in our lives for so long but I would still miss her very much and I am still grieving the loss of a much loved family member.

She sounds lovely. This is a horrible time for you.

I worked as a receptionist in a locked psychiatric ward and it is honestly eye opening how much a urine infection can change someone.
The nan you know is still in there op, I hope you know. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Oh OP your Nan sounds such a wonderful lady. Loving, thoughtful, supportive, kind and interested in your life but not in an interfering way. I wish I could say something to make what you’re going through any more bearable but there really aren’t any. So I’m sending you a great big hug and a gentle one for your beautiful Nan. Just because someone has reached a very old age doesn’t mean their passing is any easier for those who love them. 💐💐

So sorry you’re going through this, my grandad died at 90 21 years ago and it still hurts every day, I think we have to remember all the lovely times we had together

. I can get why people do say that though,especially if they've lost some one very young. I'm not saying age makes it hurt any less, though.
I know what you mean when you say It's not her. My mu ms spirit died long before her bo dy did. She was one of those people who would literally light up a room when she walked in. In a strange way it made losing her as heart breaking as it was a bit easier to deal with as id already lost the mum I knew, in any case. Before she died I did a lot of crying for my "old mum"
My dad however his spirit stayed with him, so I think i found it harder to deal with..
Xx

She shouldn't die shouting and distressed, if a decision has been agreed that she is for end of life care then she should be prescribed some medication to reduce her agitation. This can be given in her best interests as her capacity will be impaired.

What a difficult time OP. Urine infections can quickly cause confusion in the elderly. It can be treated simply with antibiotics would that be a consideration and then to reassess? Wishing you all the best.

Your DNan sounds a wonderful woman. My Grandad died unexpectedly this time last year just a month before his 90th birthday. it's hard x

Your nan will always be in your heart. I still hear my nan when I do things the way she showed me, like making pastry, hanging washing out etc. It hurts now because she's not being ”your nan” but that could be the urine infection.

You'll always have her memory.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I hope my son speaks about my mum the same way one day