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I can't work out if this was Odd or not - and should I have said anything?

69 replies

GlomOfNit · 29/02/2020 00:18

I stopped off at a small indie coffee shop in my local market town for a lunchtime coffee after using the market today. It's somewhere I go quite a lot, alone or with a friend. I nabbed a seat on the sofa and had my habitual latte. Another woman on her own asked if the armchair opposite was taken, I smiled, said no, she sat down with her phone. I continued knitting and drinking coffee.

A few minutes later, I look up and she's got a large glass of white wine in front of her. I'm a bit taken aback, as you absolutely never see anyone in this cafe having a glass of wine, even though they do sell it, people theoretically order it with 'posh' cream teas etc. However, I think perhaps she's waiting for a friend to join her, it's friday, etc. Soon, a small sandwich arrives. Meantime, she's pretty much inhaled the wine. Nobody joins her. I ask myself why I'm so concerned about a woman on her own having a drink. She's an adult, she doesn't need permission.

She gets up and I assume she's leaving, but she comes back a minute later and a few minutes after that, another large glass of wine arrives. (And a small chocolate brownie.) She drinks that one in short order too. By this time I'm worried about her. I'm not sure why. Wine at lunch is ok, right? But normally we do that with friends. She has necked two big glasses of wine in about 25 minutes. She's looking at her watch quite a bit as if she needs to be back somewhere, and at 5 to 1 she gets up and leaves. As she gets up, I see that her work clothes indicate she works in a local chemist. So this was her lunch break, during which she had what I'd consider a lot of booze.

So why am I so concerned about this? I've been wondering - is it because the context was off? If it'd been a pub I probably wouldn't have blinked at a woman on her own enjoying a glass of wine, at any time of day. You don't tend to see boozing in coffee shops like this one though - it's half full of mums and toddlers and half full of elderly people. Was it the fact that she's a woman on her own? Men are 'allowed' to get away with solitary drinks. I've rarely had a drink on my own and despite myself, it feels a bit contraband. Was it the amount she put away, or the fact she was clearly on a lunchbreak, or the fact she works in a high street chemist (and might even work in the pharmacy)?

I just want some other takes on this, I suppose. I kept thinking I should ask her if she was ok, but that's stupid - what was she going to do, break down and tell me she was really struggling? She'd have told me to sod off and mind my own business!

WWYHD?

OP posts:
EnidBlyton · 29/02/2020 09:30

i never forget seeing a young woman, smart work clothes, drinking from one of those miniature wine bottles at lunch time in the park.
people do drink, and they drink when they shoudnt
i worked in a factory in my youth and you were allowed a couple of shandies in the social club at lunch time
but since you dont work with her there is not much you should do

dustibooks · 29/02/2020 09:31

Two glasses of wine at lunchtime was once quite normal
Yes, but in the good old days, wine glasses were normal pub-sized. Nowadays they are considerably larger. Two of those = the best part of a bottle.

ReturnofSaturn · 29/02/2020 09:35

Wow you must have lived a sheltered life OP.

YappityYapYap · 29/02/2020 09:36

If she was heading back to work, I think I'd be concerned too. If you're working in a chemist, surely having had two glasses of wine at lunchtime is going to impair your judgement? Everyone can say mind your own business which is fair enough but it always seems to be mind your own business on here and people minding their own business seems to allow other people to do really stupid things!

I don't think there's anything you could have said or done. It's possible she got into trouble at work and was asked to leave early or received bad news and left early or put in for a half day for the sole purpose of having some time to herself because she has kids

flopsytheflatcat · 29/02/2020 09:42

How do you know she hadn't finished her shift?

Either way, what someone else orders in a coffee shop is absolutely none of your business so probably best if you mind your own.

GlomOfNit · 29/02/2020 09:50

Hooray, a smattering of posts that don't seem to think I'm some net-curtain twitching stalker or cats-bum-mouth judgeypants. I'm neither. But I can see how my post gave that impression.

However, I woke up this morning having taken the spirit (if not the snideness ffs) of some of last night's comments on the chin and realised that if it had been me having a drink or two for whatever reason, and someone next to me had leaned in and asked me in tones of concern if everything was ok, I'd have been mortified and then outraged. Grin

So I concede that the concern I felt for her might have been misplaced. However, if you read my post, I posted out of concern, and also to get some other perspectives on this. And I've got them. Grin Thanks for that.

Can't be arsed to respond to all the snidey attacks, insinuations and fecking nastiness on here, except to say -

user1471453601 - you don't knit in public? Now that IS odd. Grin

OP posts:
Woollycardi · 29/02/2020 10:23

'No, wasn't judging. I was concerned.' Same shit, different label. You're saying we're attacking you? Maybe we're just concerned.

Sofonisba · 29/02/2020 11:24

Not being snide OP, but the amount of thought you put into something so meaningless actually IS a bit concerning. Is everything ok?

Merigoround · 29/02/2020 11:34

I think that if I was in the same situation and had time to consider I would also wonder if the woman had some problems that she was self-medicating for. But I would probably also leave it just wondering.
Maybe the fact she had gone to a local cafe and ordered her wine and consumed it in full view of other customers points to the idea that she was not concealing a drink problem but was enjoying a couple of drinks after work and was heading home for an afternoon snooze.

user1498572889 · 29/02/2020 11:41

Perhaps she is an alcoholic and needed a drink at lunchtime. Perhaps she had just had bad news and needed a drink. Perhaps she had a really shitty day and needed a drink. Perhaps she just fancied a drink. You will never know.

URWelcome · 29/02/2020 11:45

I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. I’d find knitting in the middle of the day in a cafe more unusual 😆

FlamingoAndJohn · 29/02/2020 11:55

Oh dear. I sometimes sit in my local cafe at lunch time and read with a glass of wine.

I do understand why you were concerned, op. However her work will know if she is going in pissed every afternoon.

(I remember the days when teachers would go for a drink every Friday lunchtime.)

GingerBeverage · 29/02/2020 12:01

Having worked with someone with alcohol dependency (and who lost her job for it) I would say I would notice someone having two thirds of a bottle of wine in less than half an hour at midday in a cafe.
But as there's nothing you can do, except avoid having her dispense your medication, it's just one of those things.
I wish I could knit.

MitziK · 29/02/2020 12:02

Back about a million years ago, I had a job that paid well enough that I had nice clothes, makeup and accessories, gym membership, etc, etc.

Instead of joining the crowds at the sandwich shop or M&S, then eating at my desk (so being constantly interrupted), I went somewhere similar and had a wanky sandwich and a glass of wine. It was absolutely lovely to sit in the late Winter/early Spring sunshine and just take time out. And then I went back to work feeling relaxed and refreshed.

These days, I sprint out the front gate to the nearest bus stop and just breathe for five minutes before having to head back in for the remaining 20 minutes. I really miss the days of actual lunch hours and being left the fuck alone when I'm not being paid anyhow.

Lucy her for working somewhere nearby that still respects the integrity of a break - it's not company time, it's your time. That's why they don't pay you for it - and short of breaking actual laws/health & safety, it's got nothing to do with them or anybody else how she spends it.

Besom · 29/02/2020 12:05

I drink quite a lot of wine but I couldnt drink 2 large glasses at lunchtime and not be noticeably pissed. Colleagues would smell it as well surely? Hopefully she was heading home.

CalamityJune · 29/02/2020 12:14

Was it odd?

More odd factors: drinking on a lunch break, drinking alone.

Less odd factors: special treat on a Friday after the shift had ended (clockwatching because of public transport), difficult day for myriad reasons.

Overall- a bit odd without more context.

Should I have said anything?

I don't think so. Particularly as she seemed otherwise content.

Ariela · 29/02/2020 12:45

Probably her Friday treat, mine is a starter and a large glass of wine in the local pub. And I've been known to have a second with a pud. Not every Friday, perhaps once a month on average?

Dollywilde · 29/02/2020 12:51

I used to have a job that allowed me to do longer hours Mon - Thurs and clock off at 2 on a Friday. I’d usually try and pack in jobs but if I was at a loose end I’d take myself off alone for a pub lunch with a book and it was heaven....

Possibly wouldn’t go back to work after 2 wines but actually I’ve been out for lunch with colleagues and had 2 wines with my boss and gone back to work so I’m not sure between the above and this what difference it makes?

Disclaimer: I’m pregnant and the idea of a pub lunch alone with a couple of glasses of wine sounds is making me angry with jealousy right now!

Sagradafamiliar · 29/02/2020 14:49

I wouldn't have given it thought. Let alone make a thread about it, she's an adult.

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