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I can't work out if this was Odd or not - and should I have said anything?

69 replies

GlomOfNit · 29/02/2020 00:18

I stopped off at a small indie coffee shop in my local market town for a lunchtime coffee after using the market today. It's somewhere I go quite a lot, alone or with a friend. I nabbed a seat on the sofa and had my habitual latte. Another woman on her own asked if the armchair opposite was taken, I smiled, said no, she sat down with her phone. I continued knitting and drinking coffee.

A few minutes later, I look up and she's got a large glass of white wine in front of her. I'm a bit taken aback, as you absolutely never see anyone in this cafe having a glass of wine, even though they do sell it, people theoretically order it with 'posh' cream teas etc. However, I think perhaps she's waiting for a friend to join her, it's friday, etc. Soon, a small sandwich arrives. Meantime, she's pretty much inhaled the wine. Nobody joins her. I ask myself why I'm so concerned about a woman on her own having a drink. She's an adult, she doesn't need permission.

She gets up and I assume she's leaving, but she comes back a minute later and a few minutes after that, another large glass of wine arrives. (And a small chocolate brownie.) She drinks that one in short order too. By this time I'm worried about her. I'm not sure why. Wine at lunch is ok, right? But normally we do that with friends. She has necked two big glasses of wine in about 25 minutes. She's looking at her watch quite a bit as if she needs to be back somewhere, and at 5 to 1 she gets up and leaves. As she gets up, I see that her work clothes indicate she works in a local chemist. So this was her lunch break, during which she had what I'd consider a lot of booze.

So why am I so concerned about this? I've been wondering - is it because the context was off? If it'd been a pub I probably wouldn't have blinked at a woman on her own enjoying a glass of wine, at any time of day. You don't tend to see boozing in coffee shops like this one though - it's half full of mums and toddlers and half full of elderly people. Was it the fact that she's a woman on her own? Men are 'allowed' to get away with solitary drinks. I've rarely had a drink on my own and despite myself, it feels a bit contraband. Was it the amount she put away, or the fact she was clearly on a lunchbreak, or the fact she works in a high street chemist (and might even work in the pharmacy)?

I just want some other takes on this, I suppose. I kept thinking I should ask her if she was ok, but that's stupid - what was she going to do, break down and tell me she was really struggling? She'd have told me to sod off and mind my own business!

WWYHD?

OP posts:
Sofonisba · 29/02/2020 01:41

I was just wondering - what would others on here have felt?

I wouldn't have felt anything. Total non-event. Talk about overthinking!

Toseland · 29/02/2020 01:41

What nonsense, are you a budding writer or a stalker?

StoppinBy · 29/02/2020 01:46

People often order a half glass of wine split with lemonade or soda water/mineral water so she may not have had the amount of alcohol you think she did.

She may also have been drinking a very low alcohol wine like a Moscato, the wine I occasionally drink has three standard drinks in a 750ml bottle, so two drinks of wine at a restaurant would be lucky to have any more than a standard unit of alcohol in it anyway.

BlueHarry · 29/02/2020 01:51

She could have finished her shift and been on her way to meet someone or something. I probably would have thought much of it except maybe "I want a glass of wine". I never drink because of health reasons/medication I'm on, but I miss it sometimes. That would have been the whole my thoughts I think. I can't imagine I'd have felt concerned unless she was visibly upset or something.

Many years ago, when I did drink, I once got home and found out I had no key and was locked out so I went to a local restaurant and drank two glasses of prosecco on my own. I felt very sophisticated.

FeeFee832 · 29/02/2020 01:54

I don't think it's bad?! I can't believe you're so shocked by this you spent 10 mins writing on MN!!!

FortunesFave · 29/02/2020 02:01

I think it's a bit odd you'd be "taken aback' at the sight of a glass of wine and that's coming from a teatotaller!

Scythrop · 29/02/2020 02:11

I’d have asked her if the brownies were any good, and her answer would have let me know if she wanted/needed to continue talking. (But if she didn’t talk about your knitting she probably didn’t want to talk - a friend used to knit on our shared commute and practically every day women used to sit opposite her so they could start a conversation about it.) Honestly not sure about real life, but that sort of alcohol consumption at the start of a detective novel suggests you will soon have a visit from Poirot.

Jux · 29/02/2020 02:35

You may think you're not judging her but you absolutely are.

Samtsirch · 29/02/2020 02:38

Or you could find yourself a much more fulfilling hoppy OP
People watching can be an enjoyable way of whiling away an hour or two but when it crosses over into petty mindless / minded judgmental obsession I would suggest you have outgrown said hobby, perhaps your considerable talents could be put to better use elsewhere ?

Lynda07 · 29/02/2020 02:41

You're very observant, Glom. I wouldn't have noticed a quarter of that. You've missed your vocation, with that attention to detail you'd be a great detective :-). When I watch crime drama on TV I am always amazed at what is picked up at a crime scene and think how useless I would be at that - not likely to be asked to do it though.

It is unusual for people to drink alcohol on their own at lunchtime but she may have needed a bit of Dutch courage for something happening in the afternoon, who knows? I'd have been incapable of work after that but some people really do seem to have hollow legs.

JudyCoolibar · 29/02/2020 03:03

Two glasses of wine at lunchtime was once quite normal. In the nineties. How I wish those days would come back once more.

Odd thing to say. I can understand nostalgia for a lot of things, but not drinking wine at lunchtime. Plus I'm prepared to be the wineglasses in question were a lot smaller.

WouldShouldCould · 29/02/2020 03:13

@Iamthewombat unlike the above I also feel nostalgia for lunch time nineties drinking, especially at lunch time when working.

AwkwardPigeon · 29/02/2020 03:22

A few years back when I was in my early 20's I had a job that was quite laidback and on my lunch break at least once a week, sometimes twice, I would go alone to this café/bar that was located in a small theatre a few doors down and have a glass of wine and something to eat. I think on a few occasions I might've even had a shot of spirits and a glass of wine consecutively before returning to work.

In my last job however the atmosphere was completely different and I never had a drink on my break, would never have dreamed of it as there were strong policies in place about this and also the role required a lot more attention to detail compared to the aforementioned job.

Looking back I cannot give a definitive explanation of why I drank several units sometimes on my lunch break in the other job, I was happy in the job and in general so wasn't drowning my sorrows or anything nor did I have an alcohol problem. Sometimes it was because the team were going for a night out after work so I wanted to get a bit of a buzz and feel more relaxed in the afternoon prior to meeting the others in the pub or wherever we went. Other times though it was just random, not much thought went into it.

I must say though I would've been utterly mortified if someone sitting nearby started questioning me for having one or two drinks especially if, like this woman you mention, I was eating something as well not just boozing and also minding my own business, not passed out or making a nuisance of myself. Besides even if she did have a drink problem, that's not illegal and you can't solve everyone's problems. I can only assume you don't approach every rough sleeper you see and ask them where it all went wrong so why interfere in this scenario...

Samtsirch · 29/02/2020 03:44

Well said AwkwardPigeon

Once upon a time I actually went out for a coffee myself and didn’t give a flying floop what any body else was eating or drinking or saying or doing, so long as they were not hurting any one else.
I would have immediately offered help or support to any one who asked , as would most people.
The occasion was so insignificant I didn’t feel it necessaryto record it in any way,
But now I am wondering.......
Is that person watching me so desperately deflecting.....?

Andylion · 29/02/2020 04:46

I do think it's a lot but I don't drink much myself, never at lunchtime or I would be useless for the rest of day, whether or not I was working. I am more disturbed by drinking wine with a brownie. Shock

Iamthewombat · 29/02/2020 07:43

Odd thing to say. I can understand nostalgia for a lot of things, but not drinking wine at lunchtime. Plus I'm prepared to be the wineglasses in question were a lot smaller.

Yes, that is the ONLY thing I am nostalgic about. The only thing. Drinking wine at lunchtime from a thimble.

AuntieMarys · 29/02/2020 07:52

Judgy as fuck.
You feel uncomfortable about a woman drinking alone because you wouldn't do it.

BeroccaFiend · 29/02/2020 07:57

Whether or not she went back to work, or how many glasses, or her speed of drinking is irrelevant — the OP says she was ‘taken aback’ at the mere arrival of the first glass of wine.

The moral of the story is to keep away from prim, nosy, faux-concerned knitters in coffee shops?

userabcname · 29/02/2020 08:14

I'd probably assume she'd finished for the day and was having a couple of drinks before getting the bus home. Although I doubt I'd have given it enough headspace to even make that assumption.

Scunnnnnered · 29/02/2020 08:18

BreasticlesNotTesticles

No it doesn’t.

Scunnnnnered · 29/02/2020 08:19

You wouldn’t start a thread if it were a man drinking. You’re stuck in the 50’s where you think a woman shouldn’t be drinking alone, especially during the day.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 29/02/2020 08:22

Is it odd? No
Any of your business? No
Worth you taking the time to write such a long thread about? Absolutely not, unless this is a wind-up or we've suddenly time travelled to 1873.

BennyBanana · 29/02/2020 08:54

Ooh yeah, I’m sure everyone saying YABU would be totally cool with a tipsy pharmacist checking and administering their medicine.

Only on mumsnet 🙄

oohnicevase · 29/02/2020 09:17

I think it's weird to down two glasses of wine at lunchtime on your own . I can't believe no one else does . Regardless of if she is working or shopping , it's a bit weird no??

TheMemoryLingers · 29/02/2020 09:23

I don't drink during the day whether I'm working or not. However, two glasses of wine wouldn't stop me being able to do my job.

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