Anyone ever known anyone who seemed normal and turned out to be really, really not?

[IHeartKingThistle]

Can't be specific but turns out I may be working with someone who is actually a bit of a psycho. I don't know what to call it other than that but It's all starting to become apparent now and lots of weird little things are starting to make sense.

Anyone had a similar experience? When did you realise? What did you do? How did it pan out?

What do you mean by a bit of a psycho?

That's not good language to use.

By "bit of a psycho" do you mean mentally unwell?

Is he behaving in a frightening way or is he behaving as though he's having mental health problems?

There's a difference between actually pycho and just a little bit crazy with strange quirks. What have they done

My ex husband? Never thought I would see the day when I had to say daddy lies because it makes him feel like a big man it makes him feel good we shouldn't be angry with him we should feel sorry for him that he feels he has to do this yes there is a huge backstory to this

Oh God I know it's not the right language, I'm sorry. That's why I put I don't know what to call it.

I think I mean unstable but also a bit manipulative, lying, inventing dramas, that sort of thing. Is there a word for that that isn't inappropriate?

I have op - I get what you are saying.

Had a good friend who turned out to be a liar on an unbelievable scale

Explain a bit more for context x

I think the approved word on mn is 'Narc:.

Btw it is interesting that everyone is assuming the person is male

Covert Narcissism

Bit weird that narc is ok when it’s also a clinical label for a condition which causes people real issues.

I think pyscho is well understood and not widely considered offensive

I knew someone like that around 10 years ago, used to make people up and catfish me all the time.. it was weird. We were good friends and she would just lie all of the time and make up random stories, went on for a few years until i realised and now i wonder why i was so stupid to believe it all along. Still haunts me to this day!

Once introduced to a friend of a friend who I saw a few times at the pub etc. He even came to my home once along with other people. I had a nagging thought that there was something a little bit off but gave him the benefit of the doubt as everyone else seemed to like him. Turned out he was a convicted rapist, though other people didn't know that either.

Yes, when I graduated I worked with a guy who really creeped me out. I felt he often said inappropriate things, he also turned up at a hotel I was staying at for business and knocked on the door of my room (after hotel reception told him the number!), said inappropriate things which I didn't like. I told my boss who said he didn't really see that, he was a popular guy, he was respected as he did community work. I did my best to avoid him for about 18 months. Then one day we were all sitting in the office working and security came in and hauled him out and marched him off of site. Apparently horrible porn was found on his work computer. I felt vindicated, but it didn't feel good. I have no idea why no one else didn't think the same way as me!

I worked with someone like that donkeys years ago. They were really sweet, friendly, funny and good company at first. Then suddenly things took a turn and he cornered me against a wall, not touching me but very intimidating - a big guy. They were into bodybuilding and openly said they had recently started taking steroids so I assume it was "roid rage". So happy when they left. Fortunately I had a good manager.

Yes

When I was a teenager I had a friend who lied constantly - anecdotes that made her life seem more exciting mostly. It was something that people who knew her became slowly aware of over time until by sixth form almost anything she said would be taken with a pinch of salt. It annoyed a lot of my other friends but ... she was a teenage carer to a very sick mum and there wasn't much money in her house. She made up stories about people we didn't know so it didn't create drama - I couldn't begrudge her her fanciful concoctions, it was a coping mechanism for a hard slog I couldn't begin to imagine and I'm glad I recognised that even when I was young, because calling her out about it would be something I felt bad about today if I'd ever done it.

On the less benign end of the scale however ... I once worked with a woman who seemed perfectly OK, bit of a suck up to management truth be told, but perfectly personable. But over the year there started to be altercations with other staff that seemed blown way out of proportion, and she could hold a GRUDGE. And from anecdotes she told as well that seemed to be part of her personal life as well as professional, over the most ridiculous things and often aimed at the wrong person - but she clearly couldn't see that. She managed to get a fair few staff members into serious trouble before she eventually left ... and then about two years ago I was sent a link to a newspaper report about how she had been sent to prison (!) for savagely beating up a man who had pinched her bum two weeks after he had done it (see what I mean about the grudge holding? - not that the man wasn't in the wrong to pinch her bum - of course he was but he was really badly beaten up.)

I was shocked when I read the details of her case (obviously) but not really surprised, if that makes sense? She had an edge to her and it sort of made a whole lot of other behaviours make more sense when seen in the context of what she was fully capable of.

@SallyOMalley

Interesting how many of these are men! Not so in my case. I'm also senior to this person and so directly having to try and manage what's going on (multiple complaints from other staff etc). Have no experience of this and finding it really tricky.

Ican I agree - I think often our instincts have told us the score, so what later happens isn’t entirely unexpected

IHeart as a manager that is hard. Is the behaviour antisocial or clearly out of order?

@Onceuponatimethen @Icantreachthepretzels my instincts aren't great. I think I should have seen signs a while ago but I'm very trusting!

Narcissists. I sadly have had the misfortune to know 3 in my entire life. 2 women one man.

Yeah, friend of my parents. His wife was lovely, really sweet and caring. They hadn’t had children and they were very kind to me. He was ok, a bit boastful and everything for show. Dps stopped seeing them, never asked why. Then found out she’d divorced him and he dragged her through the courts (70s, different country. When he was on the stand he pulled out a bottle of acid and drank it before anyone could get to him.

@Onceuponatimethen lack of professionalism in the main. A big deal in our job. Now being caught out with inconsistent stories.

That sounds tough - do you have a good hr team?