Anyone ever known anyone who seemed normal and turned out to be really, really not?

[IHeartKingThistle]

Can't be specific but turns out I may be working with someone who is actually a bit of a psycho. I don't know what to call it other than that but It's all starting to become apparent now and lots of weird little things are starting to make sense.

Anyone had a similar experience? When did you realise? What did you do? How did it pan out?

OP if it is serious you need to make sure you are following the law to the letter. I highly suggest you seek advice from HR lawyer if you have any doubts on how to proceed. Likely you will have to signpost to counselling.....

Ooohhh yes many many years ago...a girl at the office I was working at then seemed lovely, spent lots of time together, lunches , nights out, stayed at her flat, really lovely girl.....then her mum died , I had met both her parents so obviously while she was on bereavement leave I rang her dad to offer my condolences....yep you’ve guessed it...her mum answered alive and well.....never saw my “ friend” again....just got my next credit card statement to find a £158 flight transaction on there....turned out she’d used my credit card and fucked off to Tenerife to sell Timeshare...I wasn’t the only one as she’d stolen and lied to a lot of people..Interpol got involved and the last I heard she got 2 years in prison....I learnt a lot of lessons from that experience!!!

HeartKingThistle look up Cluster B personality disorders.

My exH seemed very normal at first.

I got suckered in by a new mum at school.

She turned out to be the most disturbed person I've ever met. She lied as easily as she breathed. She had an affair with another friends husband, blew their marriage apart but held onto her own. She then had a taste of the thrill of infidelity, and started meeting men on Illicit Encounters. In car parks for sex. At that point I realised that I was nothing more than her alibi and I no longer wanted to be part of her life. She didn't take it well and tried to ruin my marriage and my life in the village where we live. Put me off female friends for life.

My ex boyfriend murdered his ex (after me) then asked me to give him an alibi.

Does that count?

My son's girlfriend seemed really sweet but turned out to be a total bunny boiler !

My dd's partner.
To be fair I fucking hated him from the moment I met him.

Bit weird that narc is ok when it’s also a clinical label for a condition which causes people real issues.

In my experience narcissists seem to cause those around them a lot more problems than they cause themselves......

I get that it must be utterly hellish inside their heads, but they often sail through life, leaving mayhem and deep damage in their wake!

OP, I’d guess you just need to follow employment law (as a PP said) and your HR policies to the letter. Involve expert advice ASAP and where there is any room for giving them the benefit of the doubt, don’t. And document everything thoroughly.

Yes. Two.

One was a teacher I knew who was a lovely man, successful at work, volunteered with the vulnerable, a family man.

Now he's in prison for a sex offence.

Other is a close friend from uni who married a close friend from uni. He was once one of my closest friends and now I hate him with a passion as he is extremely psychologically abusive to his wife. She has not yet got the courage to leave and I pray she will. I am convinced he has a PD.

I had a driving instructor who I thought was normal, and he turned out to be a massive racist. I was very young and found myself questioning what about me gave off the vibe it was ok to say racist things in front of me.

my instincts aren't great. I think I should have seen signs a while ago but I'm very trusting!

Honestly it wasn't until I read the newspaper report that everything clunked into place. At the time I just saw one off after one off but never connected the dots. I knew she took offence easily and held onto it but I just saw that as part of who she was, not really a red flag - lots of people take offence easily. Once I saw the newspaper it was like a sudden, immediate moment of 'oh - it was a pattern ' and then everything made sense.

Hindsight is 2020

I had a driving instructor like that Love51

Yep! I worked with a woman who turned out to be a consistent and extreme liar about everything from her work tasks to her pretend fiancé, including fake engagement ring.

Not saying all driving instructors are like that just o was trapped in the car with him. I let him know my thoughts though.

I worked with a man who was a little eccentric but very personable, life of the party. He turned out to be a prolific and sadistic sex offender, who committed some of his offences while I knew him. He will most likely spend the rest of his life in prison.

As others have said, look up Cluster B personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, sociopathy, psychopathy.

They can be very charming, personable and high functioning people but if you feel there is something 'off' about them, trust your gut. Such people lack the normal wiring for conscience, shame, guilt and empathy. Some hide it well out of self-interest but sometimes the mask slips.

Husband of a friend. Thought I knew her quite well (though only for a couple of years - met doing a masters course). Got to know him through her as we'd socialise together. He was rising middle management in a well known professional services firm. Came across v professional, lovely guy to his wife, sporty, foodie, well educated, ambitious, rising star in his line of work.

One night we all got chatting - and suddenly got dawning realisation that he was a crazy conspiracy theorist. Convinced the twin tower attacks were a staged inside job - gave detail on this at length. Convinced climate change catastrophe an imminent cinema-style event, and being designed by "the governments" to get "the people". For about an hour I thought he was joking, but no.

Have completely lost touch since.

Yes, I met this girl in work. We very quickly become close friends, we would talk after work every day etc and go out every now and again. She was very clever in how she was manipulative which made me think I was the one to blame. She was very jealous of my life which is nothing special, 2 kids with my partner and rented. Everything I did she would copy and try and one up me. When I found out I was moving house she suddenly wanted to move too and literally threw a tantrum when she wasn't allowed to move (parents bought her house for her, they refused to remortgage). In the end she managed to turn all of my so called friends in work against me and made my life hell until she left. Luckily that's all in the past now and I've moved on but its definitely made me more cautious of who I open up to now.

yes I've worked with someone like this for nearly 20 years .
V charming, manipulative . Gas lights a huge amount.

One of the school Dads. When his dc started at the school he came across as very chummy, getting involved in everything, big mates with everyone and lots of grand gestures. I found him a bit overfamiliar and thus kept him at arms length, because I dislike that sort of thing, although he seemed harmless enough.

Then he had an affair, and the marriage broke down. He went completely batshit, posting nasty and inappropriate stuff on the class WhatsApp, behaving weirdly and telling people he had cancer when he didn’t. Complete narcissist.