Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

So now I have to emigrate and change my name

32 replies

soupforbrains · 28/02/2020 12:38

I work in construction.

I have just been on site and we have a 3 storey scaffold, because of space restrictions and other issues the access hatches at the tops of the ladders are smaller than normal. I have a 'generous' arse and had to turn myself just a fraction in order to get through the hatches without it being uncomfortable.

I went up the scaffold to inspect it and when I got down my colleague running the site called across to me 'everything ok?'

to which i yelled back 'yep, all good, although I need a bigger bumhole' ...

The entire site stopped and turned to look before one of the guys shouted 'I volunteer as tribute' and everyone fell about laughing.

So obviously I'm in the process of dying my hair and planning my emigration, I'll change my name when I get there.

OP posts:
StuckBetweenDarknessAndLight · 28/02/2020 12:40

I just told my boss that it's ok to eat anything as long as it's not furry.

I was talking about food in the fridge Blush

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/02/2020 12:43

😂😂😂😂

A bigger bum hole!

Original poster
soupforbrains · 28/02/2020 12:51

@JuanSheetIs Plenty I know... I often use colloquial phrases/words for things on site because in my role I don't often know the correct technical phrase or it's too long and complicated. but honestly... sometimes my brain really fucks me up.

once, I was being wound up in a friendly way by one of the site guys and was going to say 'do you want a slap?' but chnged my mind and decided to just say 'fuck off'
only what came out was 'Do you want a fuck?' Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
soupforbrains · 28/02/2020 12:54

@StuckBetweenDarknessAndLight Grin that's exactly the sort of thing I would say.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 28/02/2020 13:51

I told one of my co-workers (the sleezy one with a really dirty mind), that I was a very oral person. . . Blush

Purplewithred · 28/02/2020 13:54

A friend of mine was handing over to a dishy doctor and couldn't decide whether to say 'have a good night' or 'have a good shift'. So he got a breezy 'have a good shit'.

Original poster
soupforbrains · 28/02/2020 13:59

@Purplewithred Grin I bet he was more than a little puzzled.

OP posts:
SantaIsReal · 28/02/2020 14:28

I was at a job interview once and It was the standard question 'what is your weakness?' My rely - I can be quite anal

Why did I have to say that?! Hmm Safe to say I did not get the job!

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/02/2020 14:38

was going to say 'do you want a slap?' but chnged my mind and decided to just say 'fuck off'
only what came out was 'Do you want a fuck?'

😂 brilliant!

itbemay1 · 28/02/2020 15:13

I sent a text to my boss asking him to bring home some natural yogurt for my vag!!

Then followed up with fuck! No that's wasn't meant for you

This was on WhatsApp and I've only just learnt you can delete messages

He was very gracious... (embarrassed)

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/02/2020 15:17

On the radio yesterday they were doing a text in your comments on a news story thing and the presenter was reading out the comments, she started reading out one that started “hi love..” then went along the lines of “the clinic called, results are all clear, need to take X medicine” etc before the presenter realised it wasn’t meant for her Grin

Beau20 · 28/02/2020 16:18

Me and my OH work in the same office, a female customer called to discuss his contract to which my OH replied "oh yes just hang on a minute while get it up".

He mean't the contract. On his PC.

simonisnotme · 28/02/2020 18:06

oh god i am howling Grin

dontgobaconmyheart · 28/02/2020 18:21

The entire site? Maybe I'm a fun sucker, I know I'm about to get flamed for being one too but it doesn't sound that funny really. The comment from the construction worker is just grim.

Really can't imagine speaking this way at work, construction or not "do you want a slap" and it's so tiring at work when people need to make every comment some sort of quip.

user1493494961 · 28/02/2020 18:31

There's always one.

Pringlesonthetable · 28/02/2020 18:39

After a couple of truly shitty days that has given me a giggle ..

UnaCorda · 28/02/2020 23:14

I volunteer as tribute

I don't understand this. Blush

FuckWhenDidIGetOld · 29/02/2020 00:36

Think bum sex Grin ans Hunger Games!

CustardySergeant · 29/02/2020 00:44

I don't get what "I volunteer as tribute" means either. Confused

FuckWhenDidIGetOld · 29/02/2020 00:47

My last post posted too soon (crap signal!) and apparently my immediate post after didn't go either so I'll try again.

The OP needed a bigger bum hole so the guys selfishly offered to stretch it out for her Wink

CustardySergeant · 29/02/2020 00:47

Sorry, I've just noticed that the post before mine is an attempt to explain it to the other poster who didn't understand "I volunteer as tribute", but I'm still baffled. I've never seen Hunger Games, tho', maybe that's why.

FuckWhenDidIGetOld · 29/02/2020 00:57

My posts are being dicks tonight!! Sorry!

Weenurse · 29/02/2020 01:09

🤣
Normally make sure people can pee after surgery before we discharge them.
I ended up saying, ‘you can’t pee until you go home’.
Got very funny looks from patients and co workers found this hilarious.

FeeFee832 · 29/02/2020 01:09

I don't get it Confused

FeeFee832 · 29/02/2020 01:10

Oh got it!!! Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread