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Original poster

How did you know when you were ‘ready’?

40 replies

HalfTermHalfTerm · 27/02/2020 17:13

This might sound like a silly question, so please bear with me.

How did you know when you decided to start ttc that you were ready to have a baby and it wasn’t just Call the Midwife/tiny clothes in shops induced broodiness? I mean the difference between indulgently thinking “Ohhh yes, it would be nice to have a baby” (which I do all the time) and thinking “Actually it would be nice to have a baby, let’s start trying”? It’s partly a hypothetical question because my partner and I aren’t in a position to start trying yet, but it is something I’ve been thinking about. He has children already and I work with children so I’m not going in to it completely blind, but I appreciate that the two are very different. He’s 10 years older than me (late twenties and late thirties) so I wouldn’t want to leave it any longer than I had to, but I also don’t want to get swept away with hormones. His children (who I get on fantastically with) are also very keen for a sibling at the moment, but I’m worried that will change as they get older!

So how did you know that you were ready?

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 27/02/2020 17:20

Getting married was the 'now we're ready' moment for DH and I.

I wanted a Autumn term baby though so we got married in August and started TTC (and conceived) in December. Baby born the following September and she's now 15 years old.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 27/02/2020 17:25

We waited til we owned our own home and had a good buffer of savings. We still weren't "ready" - i think its impossible to be ready for a baby. Our DD is perfect though and despite not being ready she is the absolute light of our lives

Fouroutoffour · 27/02/2020 17:27

When I stood crying in the kitchen because I wanted a baby soooo badBlush

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MsChatterbox · 27/02/2020 17:27

I think for me I was just ready for that life. I was ready to give up the going out etc and really didn't care about it all I wanted was to be a mum!

undomesticgodde55 · 27/02/2020 17:28

Age. I could have waited another 10 years at the time but we decided it was best to start trying early thirties if we wanted more than one child. Took a year and a half of trying so I'm glad we started early now as my next baby will be after I'm 35 (if this one doesn't put me off Grin)

fussychica · 27/02/2020 17:45

Well we started trying after about 10 years of marriage when we were in our early 30s. It took a bit longer than anticipated and DS arrived when I was 36. He was a super easy baby but we stopped at one partly due to age and partly because we didn't think we could be that lucky twiceGrin
I'm not sure what the actual trigger was, probably just knowing that after so long together if we wanted a baby we better get on with it!

KellyHall · 27/02/2020 17:50

I wanted to get married, own our own home and save enough to live comfortably on maternity leave.

Mentally - no one is really ready, however much you think you are, you just don't understand what being a parent means until you are one.

Original poster
HalfTermHalfTerm · 27/02/2020 17:50

Thank you for your input! Time is one of the things that worries me the most, if we wait another 2 years to start trying then my boyfriend will be 41 and I’m fully aware that it can take sometimes take years.

@MsChatterbox I feel a bit like that too, the idea of going ‘out’ makes me shudder a bit now!

OP posts:
clairey111 · 27/02/2020 17:52

Joking to Dp in shops when we saw babies - 'I wonder which aisle the baby's are for sale'
Then SIL told us she was pregnant. I cried, everyone presumably thought I was just happy for her, actually I was so sad that it wasn't me announcing my own pregnancy. We were pregnant soon after.

TheresGonnaBeARain · 27/02/2020 18:02

Following with interest!

Bezalelle · 27/02/2020 18:07

I hadn't wanted children at any point in my life. Then, when I was 36, I met DH. He was the first man I'd ever met who I genuinely thought would make a great father. He works in Early Years and is amazing with children. I guess my biological clock finally sprang into life, and we got married within two years. DC1 is due in August.

Original poster
HalfTermHalfTerm · 27/02/2020 18:21

Then SIL told us she was pregnant. I cried, everyone presumably thought I was just happy for her, actually I was so sad that it wasn't me announcing my own pregnancy. We were pregnant soon after.

My best friend and her husband are currently TTC and I think a bit indicator will be how I feel when she falls pregnant. I will over over the moon for her, but I can’t tell whether or not I will also be a bit jealous!

OP posts:
TheresGonnaBeARain · 27/02/2020 18:31

Weirdly, I feel less ‘ready’ now, with more stability, a suitable partner, stable income, savings, etc. than I did 10 years ago with none of those things. I think I’m way more thoughtful and aware nowadays about what might actually be involved, and less confident that I would definitely be a good parent.

RhymingRabbit3 · 27/02/2020 18:34

When we had achieved all the stuff we wanted to do before having kids - married, house bought, stable careers and £15k of savings.

EssentialHummus · 27/02/2020 18:37

After we started TTC the first month and I got my period - I felt that disappointment and realised that it was something I really wanted.

user159 · 27/02/2020 18:39

For me it was when I was told it might not happen.

I'd been off the pill for about a year with a very much 'let's see what happens' attitude but when my periods didn't return and other symptoms kicked in, it made us realise how much we both wanted it. I was lucky that the first lot of medication worked so we didn't have to go down the IVF path in the end, but hearing those words will stay with me forever. Devastated doesn't cover it.

We were married, home owners and had savings when I came off the pill - all of which were important to us.

Littleshortcake · 27/02/2020 18:41

Once I we got married we knew we would want a couple of children. Owned a home and has done a bit of travel/ permanent work with good maternity package. That said, I have many friends who had children before planning on having them and everything worked out perfectly. She is a factor so don't leave things too late. It didn't happen for a while (long while) for us and was upsetting.

Littleshortcake · 27/02/2020 18:42

Age (mistyped she)

JaneDacre · 27/02/2020 18:44

If he already has children, make sure you are married before TTC. You need to protect your child and yourself legally.

Original poster
HalfTermHalfTerm · 27/02/2020 19:08

@JaneDacre I absolutely agree it would be sensible to be married before, but do you think him already having children makes that much of a difference?

OP posts:
JaneDacre · 27/02/2020 19:16

Is he a widower?

BadCatDirtyCat · 27/02/2020 19:19

Got to 37 and thought "fuck, I need to get on with this".

Original poster
HalfTermHalfTerm · 27/02/2020 19:23

@JaneDacre No, he’s divorced. Both children have the same mum, and they were married before the children were born.

Got to 37 and thought "fuck, I need to get on with this".

As good a reason as any, I feel!

OP posts:
Babyshine2020 · 27/02/2020 19:26

When we couldn't stop looking at baby's and dating "soon" at going to the baby sections of shops.

Sounds creepy, but we had a conversation pretty early in our relationship that we wanted kids one day. We got our house, got married & I guess things just progressed. Financially, you're never ready, but you make it work.

DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 19:27

Combo of age and financial circumstances finally being strong enough. I could have waited as I didn't have that burning maternal desire, but my age made me a bit nervous about doing so. Obviously I'm glad we didn't wait as I have DD and she is the best baby in the world Grin But I wasn't overly broody as such, it was just a practical decision.

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