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What would you think to a year 3 child, walking to and from school alone everyday, coming home to an empty home till about 5.30pm, and spending all the summer holidays at home alone

234 replies

Lardlizard · 27/02/2020 08:32

Apart from the odd week or two the mum could take off work for holidays rest of the time the child is home alone

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 27/02/2020 19:31

comefromaway they can't enforce it if a parent writes to school saying I give permission for joe Bloggs to leave school my himself and walk home

They can and did enforce it in the same way that schools can & do enforce detentions , uniform & other school rules. You sending your child to that school meant you had to accept their rules.

Comefromaway · 27/02/2020 19:34

I was at school in the 80’s. My mother worked full time. No way would she have allowed me to be home alone at that age. I was in the equivalent of year 5 before I could and the equivalent of year 6 about to start secondary before I was allowed to stay home alone in the summer holidays.

Ronnie27 · 27/02/2020 19:39

This was me from around year 5, quite normal then among my peers and didn’t feel like a problem but I wouldn’t allow my 10 year old to do it now.

It’s funny how attitudes change over time but truth be told, I was far more mature than my eldest at his age probably because I was given the greater level of responsibility. Grin

Interested in this thread?

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kateybeth79 · 27/02/2020 19:56

My 8 year old's school wouldn't allow her to walk home alone. DD actually got told off by her teacher yesterday for running over to me without letting him know.

VenusClapTrap · 27/02/2020 20:16

Dm was going to school by public service bus aged 6yo, the only child from her area to go that way, so entirely on her own and it involved a change of bus at 7:30am (ie dark in winter).

My df had exactly the same experience. Mind you, he was also allowed to roam pretty much free, and play in quarries and derelict houses and stuff. Sounds unbelievable now and it’s not that long ago.

ChicChicChicChiclana · 27/02/2020 20:21

Astonished that people are still answering this 12 hours after it was posted, with no further explanation from the OP.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/02/2020 20:24

I think it would be totally inappropriate in this day and age.

But it was fairly normal if you had parents who worked in those days. I did similar (though I think I was a year older).

It's hard to judge parents of the last against today's standards. Most of the time the were doing their best with the info they had at the time.

Ellenthegenerous · 27/02/2020 20:27

No chance. My DD's school wouldn't let them home without a parent until Year 6. I would definitely call social services too

fedup21 · 27/02/2020 20:33

this Was me As a child, my inner child, in the 80s

Is that what your whole post is about?

Wouldn’t it have been helpful for you to tell people that, then you wouldn’t have had 100s of replies telling you to phone social services as it’s a safeguarding concern...

Frenchw1fe · 27/02/2020 20:34

@Stompythedinosaur my ds was born in the ‘80’s and it wasn’t ever normal or appropriate for a year 3 child to walk home alone or stay in the house on their own until 5.30pm.
My ds went to middle school at the end of our road, about 75yards, and I still walked up to meet him at the gate until he was 9.

Ktay · 27/02/2020 20:40

fedup21 that wasn’t the OP...

TeacupDrama · 27/02/2020 20:42

@comefromaway
School can insist on certain rules when children are at school however they have no jurisdiction outside school hours (there are very sepcifc guidelines re detention at primary schools re amount of notice to parents etc )
so what applies to uniform etc doesn't apply out of school hours ie they actually can't insist you wear your blazer all the way home or indeed that you can't wear it at weekends ( i'm not suggesting anyone would want to by the way)

THe legal position is that
"The school is in loco parentis during school hours. Outside of school hours, your children are your responsibility. No one can dictate to you about the arrangements you make for your children to get home from school"

this is what I said before;. I suppose if they disapproved hugely then they could/should report you to Social Services, but they can't refuse to release your child once you have made it clear that he is to be allowed to go; they would have to make a case to SS that it was a specific risk for Joe Bloggs not that it was not school policy ie assessing distance Joe lived from school his maturity and the roads / route he would need to take that it is unreasonable to think he could do that safely and as I said before this risk assessment could conclude differently for different children with different levels of maturity, routes to school etc
So it maybe reasonable for a 7 year old that lives next door to school gate to leave alone but not a 9 year old that lives 2 miles the other side of a dual carriageway with 60mph speed limit with no form of traffic control /crossing
Most parents don't argue with school and go along with policies I'm not suggesting anyone should create waves for no reason but there may be a good reason why Joe should walk home by himself

Also schools like many other government institutions like to give the impression that what they say has to be followed; when legally this is not always true and they fail to inform that legally what they say is unenforceable; this happens with health and safety frequently it is quoted as health and safety but when you look up health and safety you find it is no such thing
a different example, from a few years back; children can't watch the solar eclipse even with the special glasses it is against health and safety the council education department said so; except you find that 90 % of children in Uk did watch it at school with the glasses the BBC news had pictures of kids in Scotland England Wales north south etc sitting standing in playgrounds watching it as a once in a lifetime experience that was also educational, so either one council was saying it was a law and illegal and they shouldn't be watching and 90% ignored it or they were lying about it being health and safety for their own convienence in the first place.

A school can have a rule saying you can't play conkers but they can't claim it is a health and safety directive over which they have no choice as it isn't.

What I am saying is legally it is unenforceable to insist a child is picked up once a signed document letter from those with parental responsibility is received

on a practical level it is obvious that there is no legal standing to this as you can see from various posters the rules differ some only Y6 others Y5 & 6 others Y4 onwards others as soon as KS2

I agree with the OP that being left alone in holidays and after school for 2 + hours is not right

but I spend a lot of time with people who are being bullied inot things saying it is either the law or their contract goes beyond the law they are often scared and frightened and almost disbelieving when you explain that actually that is unenforceable that the contract requirement is not legal this happens with tenants and landlords people being underpaid at work; forced to work after they have clocked out ( see Nando's in news) for no pay etc so my real disagreement is with those insisting that the school can enforce when they can't legally and they rely on most parents not knowing that actually once they say their child can leave alone they actually can

Stompythedinosaur · 27/02/2020 20:48

@Stompythedinosaurmy ds was born in the ‘80’s and it wasn’t ever normal or appropriate for a year 3 child to walk home alone or stay in the house on their own until 5.30pm.
My ds went to middle school at the end of our road, about 75yards, and I still walked up to meet him at the gate until he was 9.

It sounds like you were around for your ds after school? I think things were harder for families with both parents working. I don't think it was right, but I don't think my experience of coming home alone from around a year older than the op is unusual. In your post you same you let your ds go home alone from the same age, so it must have been fairly normal!

AutumnCrow · 27/02/2020 20:58

Bewildering

Pipandmum · 27/02/2020 21:08

Our school doesn't allow jr school kids to walk out if school alone. Someone has to come in to school grounds to pick them up.
I would not allow a child that age to walk to and from on their own, especially in winter when it will be dark. And alone at home all day? Definitely not allowed.

ShriekingBansheela · 27/02/2020 21:14

An 8 / 9 year old child alone all day every day of the summer hols is just too sad. They would be so lonely.
And it has to be detrimental. A child alone for so long will be bored or glued to video games, or attempt something dangerous, or suffer depression or emotional difficulties from being alone for so long every day.

Canadianpancake · 27/02/2020 22:02

Do you feel this has had had a lasting impact on you op? It's quite common for experiences, that other people minimise and pass of as normal, to cause lasting trauma. Taking care of, listening to, and validating your inner child is important, brave work. If you've not done it already, having counseling can help you work through it.

rumandbiscuits · 27/02/2020 22:17

It's funny how people are saying it's not ok to do this now but was the 'norm' in the 80s and therefore ok. What's changed? The development of a child's brain certainly hasn't! It's not ok now and it wasn't ok in the 80s or any era for that matter. I get that the resources weren't around back then for children to go to after school clubs etc but it still doesn't change the facts that it's neglectful. Whoever went through this as a child probably did end up 'ok' but there will be deep rooted issues, insecurities and mental health issues you face today as an adult that may seem unrelated to your childhood but really aren't.

Canadianpancake · 27/02/2020 22:31

Well said rum

CandyLeBonBon · 27/02/2020 22:40

Happened to me too. It was shit. And yes it has done plenty of damage. I'm very glad things aren't like it now. But there's a generation of very ducked up adults out ther and we're all just muddling through trying not to do similar damage to our own kids.

moveandmove · 27/02/2020 22:45

What's an inner child?

SeansNiece · 27/02/2020 23:18

Even in the 80s it was neglect, however not much would have been done about it back then whereas now it would be a massive problem.

I remember, late 80s, if we were sick the school would send us with 2 friends to walk home where the friends would drop us off and head back to school. Didn't matter if no parents/siblings were home as long as we were able to get inside then that was fine.

Itsashame · 27/02/2020 23:43

ktay yes it was the op

Herpesfreesince03 · 27/02/2020 23:55

Why did you only just tell us it was 40 years ago? And do you know what an ‘inner’ child means? Technically it means it didn’t actually happen to you. 40 years ago I walked to the bus stop and caught the bus to school, came back, and spent most evenings, every weekend and every holiday with my 8 year old sister. She was in charge because I was only 6. And it wasn’t unusual back then. Times change

Stompythedinosaur · 28/02/2020 01:24

rum I don't think it was ok and I recognise it was harmful. But every generation improves on the way children to care for. I imagine In a generation or two people will struggle to understand how some things that seem normal to us were done. Doesn't mean we aren't doing the best we can with the information we have. I imagine that most patents in the past were the same, doing the best they can with the information they had.