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Original poster

If you told your boss you were hopefully in between babies...

74 replies

Offthebeatenpath · 26/02/2020 13:23

....you were back at work but working on your second, as you didn't have much time to lose, so to speak and a big project was coming up that you would normally be in the running to lead. Boss knows that last pregnancy was full of time off for sickness and tiredness.

Would you expect your boss to choose someone else - would you have a right to be pissed off?

Asking for a friend Wink

OP posts:
tomatoesandstew · 26/02/2020 18:27

It's difficult when your boss is a friend but mant of us have been in a similar position having dared to discuss ttc/ ivf/ care for a relative. \We shouldnt actually have to hide it. Youre not responsible for other people's backward prejudices.
You have the right to be treated equally not sidelined. dont sit and fume raise your case.

Keep a log and you can speak yo maternity action for advice.
My friend complained about discrimination at a large company and was offered a pay off i expect a number of women are and sign NDAs.

KenzoBaby · 26/02/2020 18:33

OP, you did the decent thing by being honest with your boss!

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2020 18:51

It's difficult when your boss is a friend but mant of us have been in a similar position having dared to discuss ttc/ ivf/ care for a relative. \We shouldnt actually have to hide it. Youre not responsible for other people's backward prejudices
No we aren't responsible for other people's prejudices, but equally there has to be personal responsibility for the information we share and who we share it with.

Eg You wouldn't tell an interviewing panel you're pregnant at interview and they don't ask, not because of being backwards but because it places them in an impossible position. They may decide another candidate is more suitable, or that another person is a better fit for the team dynamic, but may feel pressured into offering a post to the pregnant candidate out of concern they will claim pregnancy discrimination.

If IVF will mean lots of absences then it's probably right to tell your boss because they can be flexible and work around it, but it would also be wrong to expect them to give you projects that would be compromised by lots of absence. The flexibility goes both ways. Someone couldn't expect selective flexibility where they get rid of any elements they aren't as keen on or have their workload reduced out of consideration but also expect to get lucrative or high stakes projects with higher pressure and workload.

Sometimes not sharing information actually protects both parties.

Figgygal · 26/02/2020 18:54

Trying for a baby it’s not being pregnant 4 months isn’t that long a time she could be trying for the next four years and it not impact work.
I’d expect her to be chosen if she is the right person for the job

Strongmummy · 26/02/2020 18:56

Your boss isn’t your friend....they’re your boss. Not your best move OP

hibeat · 26/02/2020 19:04

Pregnancy at some point stops work. It has its own priority. If you bring up pregnancy at work it only means one thing to me. You will have soon other priorities... If you are the one mentioning it, you are opting out yourself. This is what I would say to your friend. I would never ever brought that up. It puts the boss in a weird position. Intention to conceive is not conceiving, being pregnant does not guaranty delivery of a healthy baby 9 months later with a year maternity leave. Its a project, a private one. To me this is oversharing and dangerous at that. It's undue stress also.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 27/02/2020 07:26

Missed the end of every day due to tiredness

Then your friend is taking the piss and is exactly the reason why companies don't want to hire women of child bearing age

At the end of the day she is there to do a job - being pregnant doesn't trump everything else.

Dozer · 27/02/2020 07:31

Friend was v foolish to tell her boss.

Boss’ actions amount to sex discrimination. The organisation isn’t well run or viable as a business if the only cover option for unwell or absent employees is one senior person working ridiculous hours.

You should stay well out of it.

Puddleshook · 27/02/2020 07:38

I was about to say, you can't take time off cos you're tired! Or we'd all be off all the time, pregnant or not.

Original poster
Offthebeatenpath · 27/02/2020 08:36

The organisation isn’t well run or viable as a business if the only cover option for unwell or absent employees is one senior person working ridiculous hours. Small Company, doesn't have extra resources sitting around unutilised - as I said it's easier to deal with illness because firstly it doesn't have to be hidden for 12 weeks from the other staff. Secondly if someone was off for an illness potentially a contractor if available could be pulled in for a short time - potentially people could be reassigned. The problem with pregnancy is that the ttc employee previously was not reliable, often but not always ill in the morning and too tired and had to go home in the afternoon - her job had to be done and the boss could ask others to work overtime to help - they work hard enough - so she took on all the work that ttc employee wasn't able to do.

OP posts:
coffeeforone · 27/02/2020 08:58

OP, assuming you're the boss here. I honestly wouldn't give your friend/employee the project in this situation unless you have a solid backup plan for if she gets pregnant, that you are happy with.

sunnyshowers · 27/02/2020 09:08

Years ago i was in a very high power job and lots of responsibly.
We d planned no 2 quickly after no1 because of age.
Anyway redundancies were being made so i told my boss my plans and suggested i get redundancy as it would "save" 2 other jobs. He didnt want to but because i was do sick on no1 he understood it would severely effect operations.

So i went....took 2 years to get preg and a fair chunk of money on ivf.
There are uncertainties in life...you might take time to get preg, you might not be sick...so your thinking worst case and all time lines colliding but they could equally pan out nicely.
I d be careful about alerting them to "possible but not certain" scenarios.
I could gave easily hung on for another 2 years and i would have liked it

Original poster
Offthebeatenpath · 27/02/2020 10:40

So the Boss is my friend not the ttc employee. Although I know the employee fairly well too!

OP posts:
Dozer · 27/02/2020 11:27

If a key person’s attendance or leaving early due to ill health/ pregnancy becomes an issue for delivery or a high priority, then the employer has reasonable grounds to reassign people, at that time.

coconuttelegraph · 27/02/2020 11:56

If a key person’s attendance or leaving early due to ill health/ pregnancy becomes an issue for delivery or a high priority, then the employer has reasonable grounds to reassign people, at that time

The way I understand it is that there are no people to reassign, the boss will be left having to pick up all the slack. I've worked in both large and small businesses, you can't compare the two when it comes to having spare resources available to cover this kind of situation.

LochJessMonster · 27/02/2020 12:03

I wouldn't give her the project. Its discrimination but the business would suffer if she had the project. Think of another (legal) reason and give it to another department.

Scrumptiousbears · 27/02/2020 12:06

I'm amazed pregnant lady can go home early because she's tired.

Bringringbring12 · 27/02/2020 12:11

* So the Boss is my friend not the ttc employee. Although I know the employee fairly well too!*

You’re only saying that because of the responses

You are clearly the “friend” or what’s with the Wink in the OP?

Original poster
Offthebeatenpath · 27/02/2020 12:14

You are clearly the “friend” or what’s with the wink in the OP? It was just a joke - who cares who I am in the grand scheme of things, shouldn't make a difference to your feelings on the situation.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 27/02/2020 12:16

I'm amazed pregnant lady can go home early because she's tired
I had some issues in pregnancy and my work allowed me to miss some after school meetings because they wanted me to remain teaching as long as possible.
But part and parcel of that is if they needed someone to lead a new initiative or run CPD then I wouldn't be offended or crying pregnancy discrimination if I didn't get selected over equally competent colleagues because it would be wrong to try to have it both ways.

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 27/02/2020 12:20

They can't be seen to discriminate against you re this, but bosses are human and if I was the boss, it would definitely make me think more carefully when resourcing a project like this.

BecauseReasons · 27/02/2020 12:31

Does your friend have a legitimate reason they can give for not choosing this particular employee for this task? If not, they may be on a bit of a sticky wicket legally.

lightyearsahead · 27/02/2020 12:39

If I was the Boss I would do exactly the same thing but make sure I had done my due diligence and had a water tight argument why it went else where. Also a chance to give someone else the chance to step up.
The employee is not pregnant yet, so not sure they are being discriminated against.

Usernameismyname01 · 27/02/2020 12:48

As previous posters have said, it could take time before she's pregnant again and also, and this may sound harsh and I might get slated for it, she already has a child who will be demanding her time and attention and she really wont have time to sit and wallow in the first time pregnancy woes of how hard it all is, she will just have to do and be present because her child will have to come first - so I think you will find that this pregnancy will go a completely different way than that of the first

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