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Original poster

If you told your boss you were hopefully in between babies...

74 replies

Offthebeatenpath · 26/02/2020 13:23

....you were back at work but working on your second, as you didn't have much time to lose, so to speak and a big project was coming up that you would normally be in the running to lead. Boss knows that last pregnancy was full of time off for sickness and tiredness.

Would you expect your boss to choose someone else - would you have a right to be pissed off?

Asking for a friend

OP posts:

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 26/02/2020 13:44

You are NEVER friends with a boss...They are your boss, you work for them.

You should never speak to a boss as if they were a friend

FlaskMaster · 26/02/2020 13:45

Yes I would expect them to unlawfully discriminate on that basis - some cunts can't even bring themselves to employ women of childbearing age at all, let alone promoting someone actively trying for a baby. Yes you absolutely have the right to be pissed off. You can also take them to tribunal but unless they've been stupid enough to write down the reason you didn't get the job then they'll bullshit and you'll lose.

OhLook · 26/02/2020 13:47

I'm sure it would be illegal for them to discriminate due to potential pregnancy, and I'm sure they'll do it anyway and pass it off as something else.

Yep, you definitely should have kept you mouth shut.

Tableclothing · 26/02/2020 13:52

It's also possible (just playing devil's advocate here) that boss thinks she is doing employee a favour. If employee has clearly stated that she is trying for a baby and had a rough pregnancy last time, boss might think that reducing employee's stress is a kind thing to do.

PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2020 13:54

That’s a conversation to have with the employee table, not something to impose on someone who may or may not even get pregnant.

TinyTear · 26/02/2020 14:03

maternity cover is for maternity leave - not for pregnancy illness as that comes quickly...

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 26/02/2020 14:17

My male boss knows but only because we've lost 6 pregnancies in 18 months and now I am in the middle of a 5th round of IVF

BUT crucially he knows I don't take the piss - I work hard, make up hours, put in extra time/effort when need to. During my one successful pregnancy I worked from home quite a bit but got loads done - he said if it wasn't for the massive bump he wouldn't have known I was pregnant as I didn't feel the need to take time off for "tiredness" etc - it was good practice for when the baby arrived

I work hard for him because I know when I need it he's there for me too so it works both ways

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 26/02/2020 14:35

Don’t ever ever divulge family plans to your boss ever. It’s not worth it if you value your career.

AlexaShutUp · 26/02/2020 14:43

Looks like your friend made a mistake by failing to draw a line between her work relationship with her boss and their friendship.

If course, it would be wrong to discriminate on the grounds of a possible pregnancy, but if the friend was off a lot the first time round and the boss would have to pick up the slack, they're bound to think twice. And I really hate to say it, but I'm not sure that I'd blame them if they decided to give it to someone else. It's just self-preservation, isn't it?!

EugeniaGrace · 26/02/2020 14:53

Presuming you are a permanent employee and the project wouldn’t lead to a change in pay or title, what would you be doing if you were not leading the new project?

I’m some places I’ve worked they are so desperate for project staff, they are happy to squeeze a few months out of anyone. It is more the training opportunities or future promotions, I would be worried about having created unconscious bias against myself In the mind of my boss.

Unicornhamster · 26/02/2020 14:56

I am reading this as OP is the boss and the employee is her friend who overshared?

Original poster

Offthebeatenpath · 26/02/2020 15:18

I am neither party - I know them both.

OP posts:

MegaClutterSlut · 26/02/2020 15:33

Tbf if I had loads of time off sick with my last pregnancy, I wouldn't be pissed off that my boss had chosen someone else if I'd told them I was trying for a baby. They need someone who's going to be reliable so would kind of expect it rightly or wrongly imo

Sexnotgender · 26/02/2020 15:39

That’s really stupid, we’re thinking about a second and I’ve probably not got much time to dither about it and there’s no chance I’m telling my boss!

Witchend · 26/02/2020 16:21

I would think, if I was the boss that the person may well have been meaning "so don't choose me to lead it".

I doubt you can claim pregnancy discrimination as she isn't pregnant. If she was asked if she had plans for a second, then that might just about go into it, but if she volunteered the information then I think she's probably not in a good position to complain.

waterbottle12 · 26/02/2020 16:32

You'd be an utter idiot to have told your boss. Of course he will take it into account but impossible to prove as TTC isn't a protected characteristic like being pregnant is.

FrogFairy · 26/02/2020 16:41

I would not want to be chosen for a big project knowing I might well be sick at the time. I would prefer someone else chosen as lead but would be happy to give as much support as I can if this is possible within the team.

coconuttelegraph · 26/02/2020 16:46

Your friend is a fool and has put the boss in an impossible situation.

Boss could choose friend in the knowledge that the project might be ruined or not choose friend and risk some kind of discrimination claim.

I feel sorry for the boss, the friend will hopefully learn to keep her mouth shut in future.

ElbasAbsentPenis · 26/02/2020 17:03

Ach no. Now if it turns out she has secondary infertility and doesn’t get pregnant for years (or ever) her career could still stagnate endlessly at this company because of one daft conversation.

Boireannachlaidir · 26/02/2020 17:22

@PurpleDaisies absolutely however this is what businesses will do.

Boireannachlaidir · 26/02/2020 17:23

The OP/friend trying for a baby is not the same as being pregnant I would add.

TorkTorkBam · 26/02/2020 17:31

Stupid. Let's assume the boss is a good sort who does not intend to discriminate against her. All the same if the boss has a choice between two reason choices of people the boss is going to find themselves, likely subconsciously, weighting the other person's pluses more highly than your friend's pluses because deep down the subconscious does not want her to be the true right choice.

Your friend had better get knocked up asap to get back on track again (and perhaps be glad she didn't get the big project she'd have to abandon part way through).

Original poster

Offthebeatenpath · 26/02/2020 17:36

So the boss has the choice - bring the project to her Dept and give it to
her ttc employee, or hand it over to another Dept - the boss will be responsible for overall delivery, so will feel obliged to cover pregnancy sickness. If like before ttc employee often missed the beginning (due to sickness) and/or end of every day (due to tiredness) - (in many ways being off for a few weeks is easier to cover with a contractor).

It's the unpredictability and the (ironically) secrecy of the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, if the timing was bad project-wise, that would mean boss would be the only person with the expertise and knowledge to plug the gap - so if like before, the boss would end up working 70-80 hrs a week, sometimes more and knowing what happened before, employee did not want to make up time at the weekend because felt they needed the rest, boss wanted to be supportive but boss is apprehensive to go there again.

OP posts:

Bluetrews25 · 26/02/2020 17:38

You She was only 'in the running' for it anyway, so might not even have got it at all.

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2020 17:48

I think your friend has placed their friend/boss in an impossible position by oversharing.

She's wrong to be pissed off in my opinion as she was only in the running for it and there's no guarantee it would go to her anyway. It sounds to me like she's pissed off because she was hoping that being mates with the boss would carry favour and help line her up for it so is annoyed when this hasn't happened.

She could equally have said "I'm saving up to go travelling and can't wait to take a sabbatical" whilst not being ready to go now, still saving, and could be going in 6 months, a year, or 18 months. Should her friend/boss give her a project to lead knowing she may/may not be there?

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