Anyone had (or been) DC3 after a big gap?

[whattododc3]

I’m 36, so time is not really on my side. DH is neutral, happy either way. DC1 and DC2 are 19m apart. Very, very close, despite the bickering. Have much of the same interests and likes. Tough when they were little, but much more independent now they are age 7 and 5.5 Due to a few financial reasons we’ve never been able to consider having DC3 until now.

Although I thought we were done (mainly due to other people telling me I was, rather than me really ever feeling that I was), we are in a slightly better financial position. We could stretch to having DC3 and still pay our mortgage, bills, odd days out, ok holiday (maybe not as £££ as if we stuck with 2).

I’m really torn as I was DC3 with a big age gap and fought like cat and dog with my older brother (6 years older), but oddly never really argued with my sister (9 years older). I worry that our potential DC3 would have a similar experience of always being the one left out, or was it just the dynamics in my family?

Should I just stick with the 2 DC I have and have more time and money for them? Or do I stretch a little to have a DC3?

If I could afford a DC4 too, I’d have a DC3 in a heart beat.

Just interested in people’s thoughts/opinions/experiences. I know ultimately it’s up to me and DH to decide.

It’ll be tough when you have to juggle a toddler and older children - no similar interests, little one left out etc.
I have four and honestly if I were you I’d stick with two but perhaps I’m a bit jaded! The hormonal urge to have another is so so strong. I know someone who is in your exact scenario and she had number three. He’s doted on but the older two rule family days out etc and he has to tag along.

I can’t help, but I’m going to follow as we are in a similar situation. DC are nearly 5 & 7 and we’ve only just reached a position where DC3 is a possibility.

I’m dc3 with big age gap, similar to you but slightly bigger gap. I also have 3 small dc.

I think of myself as an oddity in that I’m a mixture of a person who had a busy family, 2 older siblings so as a child the house felt full of teenagers and I found it fun and lively.

But I’m also like an only child because I played alone. I do like my own company. As a child I never felt I missed out though.

There are pros and cons to every family, I say go for it! 3 dc is hard work but lots of fun. And with older children they will adore and love the baby and there won’t be the crazy two toddler time you must have had before!

But yes, children are expensive and time consuming, it would definitely have been easier and cheaper to stick at 2!

Yes days out and holidays are more challenging!

As the third child, I say definitely stick at 2. I don’t know why I’m here. But I come from a family of angry fuck ups.

My niece is a third after a 5.5 year gap. They all love each other and get on but IMO she is very out of step with the other two, who are now teenagers focussing on exams and going to university.

It wouldn't stop me if DH was on board though!

I’ve had a third after a big gap.

She is 3 and we all love her to bits and couldn’t imagine life without her.

Yes, had but DC3 turned out to be DTs s and 4

I'm pregnant now with DC3, by the time it arrives DDs will be nearly 6 and nearly 9. It just worked out this way for lots of reasons but I always knew I wanted 3. Yes there will be a bigger gap with this one, but I know several families in my kids classes at school with a 4/5 year gap and it doesn't seem a big deal at all. I definitely won't be having a fourth though! I think if you really want a third, do it, the age gap isn't going to be so huge as to be unusual / remarkable.

I have 12yr old, soon to be 9 yr old and soon to be 2yr old. Third child is adored by older two. Life is challenging sometimes, with trying to deal with older kids and a baby however it's not any worse or better than with the older two with a smaller gap.
No regrets. Also I was 35 when dc3 arrived.

Also going to follow as we are in a similar situation. DC (both boys) are nearly 6 & 7 and we’re nearly in a position where DC3 is a possibility. Wondering if we have left it too late.

I have a 9 yr old and 4 and 2 year old, everything is challenging as they're all at different stages. Having the third, the first year was hard work but it's easier now. If you can comfortably afford it and you embrace the challenges, then go for it!

I have a 34 year old, a 31 year old and an 11 year old! Between the younger 2 I had a full term stillbirth but he would only be 13 now. So yes a pretty big gap.

I don't think that gap is too bad and know a few similar families who have great dynamics. I also know a couple with 2 older teenagers doing A-levels and a baby but I definitely wouldn't recommend that - just about to have the house to themselves and whoosh back to the start again!

Surprise 3rd baby due 1 month before youngest is 5. 21 months between my other 2.

I'm so tired already

We had DC3 when DC1 and 2 were 10 and 6.
We'd discussed a third when DC2 was one but DH was against it. Then years later out of the blue he changed his mind.
Surprise DC4 was born 16 months after DC3.

It hasn't always been easy trying to cater for all age groups, but generally they all get on really well.

When this baby arrives my doc will be 6 and 9. I'm terrified of regressing back to the baby stage , its going to feel very weird. But I think the older 2 will be a great help and we will make this work.😬😊🙈

We had DC1 and 2 19 months apart, then a four year gap. She is the most sociable of my children and was desperate to play with them and they, at most, tolerated her. We had DC4 19 months later and it was the best decision, they do everything together.

Thank you all for your thoughts and experiences. Has given me lots to think about. Seems to be a a mix of opinions, which is I guess why I’m struggling to make a decision.

I had three DC in the space of 2.5 years but didn’t have DC4 until the youngest was six and eldest was eight. Worked really well for us, they all completely dote on their baby brother.

My mum had all 3 of us 10 years apart. There's 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister and 20 years between my sister and I. I loved it as it meant I was able to be much more involved and help out.

I’m one of three, I’m in the middle one after me was born seven years later, very close as adults. I also have three, gaps are 11 years and 8 years before the last was born, it was hard to start with as we had a newborn, one about to start secondary and a preteen, three and a bit years later and everything is a lot easier as all in school and preschool. Older ones dote on the youngest and the youngest knows so much as she has two adults and two nearly adults to learn from, days out we try to do something that interests us all and take turns, we also have individual time with them all by barely any with each other but that’ll change.

I’m 38. My youngest is nearly 8 and I’m wondering whether to go for one more. I think it’s probably just hormones saying ‘last chance, last chance!’
Financially it would be fine but I’m concerned about tiredness and being in my 50s with a teenager

I had two close together and had almost exactly the same thought process. DH was dead against any more children though, so we got a kitten. She is extremely demanding and is like a baby, only better because she's not costing me a kidney in childcare

I am only half joking - consider getting a kitten or puppy instead.....

i have 3 but they are all close in age (1.5-2 years apart)

DH is one of 3, it was him and his brother (3 years apart) and then he was 10 when his sister was born. They have never been at the same 'life stage'
They get on but obviously he was a teen when she was small, then when she was a tween/teen he had left for uni and then now she is 20s(soon to be 30) we have had kids and a mpre grown up life, by the time she settles down ours will be teens/left home etc