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Original poster

Is this a sign of a drinking problem?

51 replies

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:32

Buying a beer from the corner shop after seeing your kids, before travelling home? Is this a sign of the need for a drink?

OP posts:

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:34

It just reminds me of the sort of behaviour I had when I was a smoker and very addicted... anyone?

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Newnamewhodis1 · 23/02/2020 18:37

And drinking it on the train? Or downing it before jumping in the car? I don't see a problem in buying a beer to drink. And better after seeing the kids than during? Although actually that wouldn't necessarily indicate a problem either. Context is key

Snowdropdelight · 23/02/2020 18:41

I don't think so as pp said context!

If I fancied a drink and lived next to a shop...

Evenquieterlife33 · 23/02/2020 18:41

I would say buying a can like that isn’t great. Personally I’d say day time and morning drinking like that could possibly point to a problem, ( personal experience ) I’d keep an eye on this persons drinking habits. Are they drinking before work first thing? Or steadily through the day?

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:46

I just worry because he has an addictive personality. When I met him he didn’t drink at all really except if we went out- not at home. He smoked very very heavily. After giving up smoking he took yo chewing nicotine gum which he is still on almost 6 years later. A few years into our marriage he started buying cans on the way home she would drink quite a lot. I don’t like his behaviour when he drinks and we’ve had bad rows. He visited the kids at my home today and the shop is opposite my home so I saw him go in and come out with a beer and it worries me.

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AmazingGreats · 23/02/2020 18:49

In that context then maybe a symptom of an underlying addiction, but could also just be he was thirsty and fancied a beer not anything else. Who is he to you?

JigsawsAreInPieces · 23/02/2020 18:50

Are you looking for a reason to stop this person (your ex?) contact with your children? Sounds a lot like that.

If you have a fairly amicable relationship with your ex then why look to shit stir? The only losers will be your children.

Think what your motivation is here.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 23/02/2020 18:51

One beer is hardly addiction.

ElderAve · 23/02/2020 18:52

So he happened to be near a shop and bought a few beers to enjoy on a Sunday evening after dropping off his DC?

I can't see anything untoward there at all. I'm also not sure that being an ex smoker, reliant on gum makes you an addictive personality, he did after all manage to give up the fags, no easy feat.

Why does it matter to you if he's drinking in his life away from DC?

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:53

JigsawaAreonPieces no I am concerned about him.

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Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:53

JigsawsAreInPieces.

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Wolfiefan · 23/02/2020 18:56

You don’t like his behaviour when he drinks?
If he drinks so much that it affects how he behaves to those around him then it’s a problem. It doesn’t matter when or where he buys it.

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:57

I certainly don’t want to stop him seeing his children. I’m glad you don’t think it’s an issue. However, if a woman did that eyebrows would definitely raise wouldn’t they? I just don’t want to feel he’s in a bad place, self sabotaging etc which it would be if he was drinking and I worry about his health for his sake and the children’s’ sakes.

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Taddda · 23/02/2020 18:59

What if he did? Are you looking to help or discredit him? I'm not understanding the context...?

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 19:05

Why do people always want to assume I’ll will and go in the attack or is this just a Mumsnet thing now? I still have feelings for him. He does not take good care of himself. I’m concerned Is that wrong?

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MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2020 19:05

If he's drinking away from you and away from the kids, I'd say you need to disengage.

Why are you watching him out of the window when your children just got home?

tiredanddangerous · 23/02/2020 19:07

I don’t see a problem with it at all. I sometimes buy a can of g&t to drink on my train home on a Friday. I don’t have a drink problem.

ElderAve · 23/02/2020 19:09

I don't think a woman popping into a shop to buy a drink on her way home after dropping off her children would be remarkable either, no. I'd imagine a good number of mums will be having a glass or two this evening, with or without DC present.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 23/02/2020 19:10

No! He is even waiting until his seen the dc to drink the sodding beer

DH works in London, gets the train home takes him 1 and 1/2 hours, sometimes if he fancies it he buys a beer 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s not an alcoholic just sometimes if it’s been a hard day fancies a beer for the commute home. What’s the difference between that and your ex??

Selfsettling3 · 23/02/2020 19:10

Did he buy the can and start drinking it straight away or was he saving it for later?

jomaIone · 23/02/2020 19:11

Did he buy one can to drink walking down the street? Or buy a can for the train, or a few for the ev8eninh?

I hardly think it's relevant that he had just seen his kids at all. It's more relevant that it's a Sunday evening and he's heading home to relax?

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 19:14

I wasn’t watching him out of the window - I was folding kids clothes abs putting away right next to window she saw him from window I wasn’t watching him for any reason. My concern is because He gas sent me menages the other night and then blamed it on being Tipsy when I know he’s drinking alone. Obviously I am Being unreasonable.

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Taddda · 23/02/2020 19:42

@ExtraFox18 you seem very defensive, I think people just wanted to know the context in why you were asking? You didn't explain fully in your opening post-

If you still have a relationship with him that's amicable and you care about him as you stated, ask him if he's okay? You can't expect MN to diagnose an addiction from 'he bought a can of beer after seeing the kids'.....?

Snowdropdelight · 23/02/2020 20:02

So he brought a beer in the day and you saw him open and drink it?

Original poster

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 21:50

I am surprised how many people think this kind of drinking is normal but I accept it must be?

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