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Original poster

Is this a sign of a drinking problem?

51 replies

ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 18:32

Buying a beer from the corner shop after seeing your kids, before travelling home? Is this a sign of the need for a drink?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2020 21:55

What kind of drinking?

SinkGirl · 23/02/2020 21:58

Alcohol threads are always full of bizarre defensive responses.

I grew up surrounded by alcoholics and I find the normalisation of habitual drinking here very strange.

SinkGirl · 23/02/2020 22:00

Going to buy a single beer as you pass a shop suggests a need to for alcohol that may be problematic. I’m amazed anyone is saying otherwise.

As for “maybe he’s thirsty and only wanted a beer”... yikes.

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 22:00

The kind where you buy a beer like you would can of coke - where you can’t wait until you get home to have a drink, where it’s not about socialising .

OP posts:
OverByYer · 23/02/2020 22:02

It’s difficult to answer you without knowing more and you can’t snap. You are very prickly in your answers. People are trying to answer as best they can. If he’s just picking up a few beers to drink when he gets home I can’t see a problem

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 22:02

And I want him to see our children, they love him but I would
Worry about their dad being
Alcoholic yes and I don’t think that is unreasonable.

OP posts:
OverByYer · 23/02/2020 22:03

Answer not snap

Oblomov20 · 23/02/2020 22:04

I'm like Tiredanddangerous and have bought a g&t for the train home.
I can't see the problem.
Unless this is a massive drip feed?

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 22:04

I’m not snapping and I think many of the responses are very prickly.

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 23/02/2020 22:05

It depends if he drunk it there if then it put it away for another time. I often buy wine in my weekly shop that I do in the morning after the school run whilst I have my baby with me. I would never dream of drinking it though as I buy it for a sat night treat.

OverByYer · 23/02/2020 22:06

You’re talking in riddles OP.
Really not worth engaging with

Jaxhog · 23/02/2020 22:07

And drinking it on the train? Or downing it before jumping in the car?

Not good in either case. Terrible if he's downing the beer and then driving kids anywhere.

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 23/02/2020 22:09

Wow some of the responses on here are so unpleasant .

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 23/02/2020 22:16

Maybe if you were clearer about what your concerns were.
He’s an ex.
I assume you don’t have concerns about how he is with the kids?
No one can tell from one can whether he’s got a drink problem. You’re not giving enough info.

mindutopia · 23/02/2020 22:26

I buy wine in the way home from work and drink it on the train. Last week I took dc out for an activity for half term and bought wine on the way home (to drink when I got home, not like in the car). Dc and I go away on holiday and I order drinks at meals alone with them. No one seems to raise an eyebrow. Sometimes you just want a drink. Not an issue as long as you aren’t driving m.

Fishcakey · 23/02/2020 22:28

What's wrong with drinking alone? When I was a single mum I had no one else to drink with!

SpaceCadet4000 · 23/02/2020 23:04

OP, it's honestly difficult to know if it's disordered or not. From what you've told us, he went to a shop and bought 1 beer which is nothing to really go off.

If it were disordered I'd probably expect him to buy more in one go, surely?

Also, you've not given much detail on his drinking the rest of the time or how far he was travelling?

Likewise, you say he's not looking after himself but you aren't saying why which makes it hard to assess whether it's problem drinking or not.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2020 23:38

The kind where you buy a beer like you would can of coke - where you can’t wait until you get home to have a drink, where it’s not about socialising .

Maybe he didn't have any at home so bought some. I don't entirely get the 'can of coke' reference. I mean you buy it like any shopping. And did he open it? As soon as he left the shop? And someone having one beer or a glass of wine alone is less problematic than some getting shitfaced surrounded by friends, surely.

What were the texts like?

You seem very sensitive about this and our comments. Was there a drinker in your family?

Taddda · 24/02/2020 00:21

You say you want him to see your children, but your worried he is an alcoholic? Apart from the can of beer and the texts after a few (I'm assuming he lives alone? So not really an issue??) is there anything in his behaviour that would suggest a problem?

Theres not alot to go on, so apologies if 'clutching' , but do you think he might just be missing you and his children, so perhaps is struggling after a visit (the beer), alone at home (texting you)?

There is a huge difference between diagnosing someone as an alcoholic and someone who may just be struggling a bit with life atm and having a few drinks...not to say that doesn't have the potential to become a problem, it certainly can and does.

I think you may be jumping the gun, quite dangerously so- if you are concerned talk to him- but I suggest you listen? You seem to be quite snappy on here, I don't know if your like that irl?

Patchworkpatty · 24/02/2020 07:06

I think OP is snappy because she feels attacked. I understand that you are genuinely concerned OP because you know he has a tendency towards addiction. I get this. (There is definitely an addictive personality)

However I don't think you can really know the answer to this without talking to him directly and even then, if he is drinking a lot he will probably lie or simply be in denial. It's something you May just need to keep an eye on.

As a PP said, is he missing you and DC ? Many people drink when they have difficult emotional issues to deal with. It's far from ideal and can easily lead to a problem. It depends how close you still are and how honest he is with you.
One thing that makes me think this isn't a problem, is the fact that he bought a single beer. An alcoholic would buy more. . Just keep an eye out OP and offer support if you think it necessary. .

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 24/02/2020 07:23

Thanks PatchworkPatty I really appreciate your reply. Yes I do hope you are right. When he was a smoker hime let it get out of control really and there would be ash everywhere, all over the car and butts everywhere and it really affected me too ( no dc then) He also has a lack of self care in general so I worry about alcohol getting out of hand as this would have many ramifications. I do care about him. I think he does miss the children. I do t know if he misses me.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2020 14:43

There is definitely an addictive personality

It's a myth.

There are personality traits that seem to predispose people to addiction but not in any way predict it. And people who have had one addiction are more likely to have another. Because of the void that leaves. But there isn't an addictive personality.

Addiction has nothing to do with being a dirty bugger who leaves cigarette butts all over the place. That's just not giving a shit about your partner.

Apolloanddaphne · 24/02/2020 14:48

I don't really understand either. Did he buy a can of beer and pop it in his pocket to drink on the train or when he gets in? I am not seeing any issue with this at all.

sonjadog · 24/02/2020 14:59

I think him buying a can of beer is symptomatic of nothing at all. How many parents on here relax with a glass of wine after the kids have gone to bed? It is the same kind of thing. He drops off the kids and then wants to relax with a drink.

What other reasons do you have for thinking he might have a drinking problem? Maybe if you draw a larger picture it will be easier to see why you are concerned.

Frownette · 24/02/2020 15:35

It seems ok at the moment. It could have the potential to escalate if he's bored, lonely or stressed

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