Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What did you find harder? Parenting a toddler, or parenting a teen?

133 replies

Toooldhmm · 22/02/2020 15:06

Just that really!

Not sure what the teen years will be like. But the twos and threes (while lovely) have been one big emotional rollercoaster! Lack of sleep, lots of tantrums, and so on Grin

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 23/02/2020 00:13

Toddler is more physically exhausting.
Teen is more mentally exhausting.*

This 100%

recordbox · 23/02/2020 00:17

The things I read on here about teenagers really shocks me. Mine have never been difficult.

Observations are that often parents just leave them to it, because 'they are old enough to do X/Y/Z' without realising they still need the emotional support. Some parents seem to really drop the rope, show no interest and be generally very harsh so it's no surprise the teens kick back.

Little things matter. It's ok to do nice things for them. Don't lose sight of that.

Toddlers on the others hand exhausted me - I had 2 under 2 though so was running on coffee for a few years!

EdgeWithNoReason · 23/02/2020 00:52

I'd take 10 teenagers over 1 toddler.

I have 2 DC. One is well out of his teenage years and one is almost 18.

I also work with teenagers in care.

Ladiva1971 · 23/02/2020 00:54

My son as a toddler was wonderful, when he hit about 12/13 he refused to communicate, self harmed, skipped school and became a total pain in the arse, he his now 19 and wonderful again, you tend to lose your kids for a few years and then they come back. I too was a pain in butt when I was a teenager.

HoldMyLobster · 23/02/2020 01:30

Mine don’t go out in the eves yet, drinking etc - I bet that stage is the most worrying.

Mine haven't been through that stage, and I doubt they will before college. Mainly because we're in the US, and it's both illegal and socially fairly unacceptable.

They start driving at 16, and they like being able to do so. They know that if they went out and got drunk they'd lose that privilege ASAP.

They'd also lose privileges at school like being allowed to be in the school play, sports teams etc - for both of them that would be fairly devastating.

But mainly, it's just not something their friendship groups do, so it's not something they expect to do. It definitely seems to make life easier at the teen stage.

My oldest is at university and I know there's much more access to alcohol there, but I also know she's not driving anywhere, she's always with friends who'll look after her, and she's always on or close to campus.

PointlessAddict · 23/02/2020 01:32

Parenting a teen has its challenges for sure and they need quite a lot of emotional support (at least mine does) but their independence and the fact they are pretty self-sufficient makes it easier.

Coffeeandtv1983 · 23/02/2020 08:06

Answers seem to be about 50/50 for toddlers v teens. Everyone is different and everyone’s kids are different. I only have toddler/preschoolers so far so can’t really comment other than to say I definitely don’t find it easy.

Kenworthington · 23/02/2020 08:27

Teens are a walk in the park compared to toddlers. Toddlers are the devil.

BillywilliamV · 23/02/2020 08:32

Parenting a teen has nearly broken me. You can't know how hard it can be unless you have a difficult one. She was a difficult toddler too, but everything about a toddler is more manageable!

TFthatsover · 23/02/2020 09:39

Teens are just big toddlers most of the time. They are just as demanding on your time (and money), they need the same amount of sleep but do it at at different times, and they ask questions about relationships / drugs / sex at the most inappropriate times Grin DD16 has passed the stage of not wanting to be seen with me out in public, and held my hand for a bit while out shopping the other day. My heart almost burst. DS11 is just starting the grumpy grunty stage... urgh! Im happy I'm not watching Peppa Pig on loop anymore.

chocolateisavegetable · 23/02/2020 09:40

Parenting a teen has nearly broken me. You can't know how hard it can be unless you have a difficult one.

Oh I hear you billy and agree 100%.

BrokenMumTeenDD · 23/02/2020 09:46

The name speaks volumes.

Teens by FAR

BrokenMumTeenDD · 23/02/2020 09:55

recordbox you clearly have no fecking clue with that judgey assed post Hmm you got lucky, end of

Lordfrontpaw · 23/02/2020 09:57

I know parents who believed their teens were not trouble’.

My god, the things they got up to behind their parents back - had jobs, druggy girlfriends, had a motorbike stashed at a mates house...

crankyhousewife · 23/02/2020 09:59

Obviously it depends on the child but whilst I thought having toddlers was hard it was nothing compared with having teenagers. Mind you we've had years of school refusal caused by severe mental health problems which caused very challenging behaviour. Without that it would have been a breeze.

GADDay · 23/02/2020 10:02

Toddler easy, teen not so bad.

Young adult (18) really really hard. The first broken heart combined with uni acceptance woes has been extremely difficult to deal with.

FurryPie · 23/02/2020 10:09

I think it depends what kind of teen you have. My teen is well behaved, fun, obedient (most of the time Confused) and we get on great. She was also an easy toddler. But I find the parenting side harder as whilst it’s not as physically demanding, my own parenting struggles are overwhelming sometimes. Am I being too strict? Am I letting her do too much? Have I handled a situation ok? Teens are much more vulnerable and less forgiving. You can make a mistake with a toddler and all will be forgotten, make a mistake with a teen and it could shape the rest of their life (slightly dramatic but hopefully that makes sense).

My autistic pre teen DD will be a whole new kettle of fish, and I’m a bit worried about how it will be as she has poor mental health already and I think I’m in for a rocky ride.

Give me a toddler any day Grin

MargeSimpsonswig · 23/02/2020 10:15

I've definitely found teens harder. I never know what is going on in their head, they never want to go anywhere or do anything as a family, they are bigger than me so I can't just pick them up and put them to bed, they can be very manipulative and its exhausting having to constantly negotiate between them (2 eldest teens 15 and 13 still fight constantly).

I miss cuddles too and I've gone from being the coolest person in their world to an embarrassment 😂

CremeEggThief · 23/02/2020 10:20

Teenager without a doubt. I used to teach Nursery and Reception and I found having 40 of them at once easier than 1 teen DS!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/02/2020 10:27

Those with easy teens i really believe it’s down to luck rather than parenting.

Boppingbooper321 · 23/02/2020 10:35

I have a toddler and a teen. I remember when the teen was a toddler and I found it hard. We were physically exhausted pretty much all the time. Now she's a teenager a regularly go to bed and lay there wishing we could go back to the toddler years with her because parenting a teen is so hard on all levels. The emotional energy needed is overwhelming. And mine is a relatively easy child so it's not necessarily her behaviour that's so wearing it the growing into the world and the things we can't hide her from. At least with a toddler if things are tough they tend to be things within your control. With a teen it's the outside impact that's so so hard.

So for us the teen years are definitely harder. We are knackered from running around after our toddler but nothing compared to the metal worry of the teen.

MrsPMT · 23/02/2020 13:30

Although everyone has their own experiences I think its good to read about all situations. Everyone is different and you could have one child (of any age) who is an absolute breeze and then another (of any age) who is an absolute nightmare. Same parents, same parenting.

Its the judgy "oh its the way you parent..." or "mine know their boundaries..." that are really unnecessary [yawn]

"There but for the grace of god go I"

FlowersBrewWineGin to anyone (like me) going through a very difficult time.

recordbox · 23/02/2020 13:54

you clearly have no fecking clue with that judgey assed post you got lucky, end of

I wasn't being judgy. I was making an observation based on the way some of the people on here talk about their teens. I wasn't saying it was how to do things, simply that treating your child with contempt (because lots do) isn't productive.

strawberrylipgloss · 23/02/2020 15:50

They are hard for different reasons.

I don't have to worry about my teens bolting if we are walking somewhere but when they were teens I wasn't worried about people offering them drugs and alcohol at parties.

In my experience, the toddler years were more physically draining but the teen years are mentally draining. I'm lucky to have teens who don't get into trouble with the police or at school and popular with friends but there's so much that I need to keep an eye out for- girlfriends/boyfriends (ie sex), drugs, friends, mental health... I've found it hard to get the balance between not interfering so they learn life lessons and helping them because they aren't adults yet. It's so hard getting the balance between their privacy and parenting them too. When they are young you know their friends but once they are teens they have a whole life away from you that you know nothing about.

Cinammoncake · 23/02/2020 15:58

Teen years much harder. You can't solve their problems, you worry about them going out into the world (and being out partying and things) and sometimes they are rude, embarrassed of you or just moody. And mine are great teens I'd say. We do have some good bits but overall it's exhausting. You need lots of communication and it's constantly walking the tightrope of how much they need you -v- how much to let go etc.

For me toddler years were more fun and more laughs.

However, now I'm menopausal and then I wasn't, so I wonder if that also has a role to play.