What did you find harder? Parenting a toddler, or parenting a teen?

[Toooldhmm]

Just that really!

Not sure what the teen years will be like. But the twos and threes (while lovely) have been one big emotional rollercoaster! Lack of sleep, lots of tantrums, and so on

I’m yet to get to that phrase - they need you more when they’re older. My babies and toddlers want me all the time (toddler fortunately swaps for Dh now too, but I’m here more).

i think with a question like this you're always risking the "well, if you parented effectively when they're toddlers you'll get an easy teen"

avoid those posters like the plague, they know nothing

Teen x 100 (sorry!)

I only have the one. For me, teen years have been Relatively OK and DS is now officially an adult (18).

I found baby and early toddler years quite difficult but really enjoyed the pre-school years (3,4).

battlestargalactica you're also risking the competitive misery schadenfreude lovers who actively want to get one over on anyone "behind them" on the parenting timescale by telling them that they ain't seen nothing yet.

The type of people who delight in telling stressed and miserable GCSE or A level pupils that their school days are the best days of their lives.

The type of people who always have to tell anyone struggling that things will only get worse.

Nasty people who feel better only if they make other people feel worse.

Tbh the only part of parenting that I have found bone and soul crushingly hard is extreme sleep deprivation. Tantrums are a doddle.

The people who have violent teens have it hard but that's not normal or expected. I have two teens and a tween of my own and work with older teens to mid 20s in a residential setting and none have ever physically attacked me as someone on the thread described - I work with young people with autism, emotionally unstable personality disorders, schizophrenia and bipolar, and neurological disorders. I do night shifts in a residential setting.

The kind of sleep deprivation and 24/7 demands I had as a Sahm of a non sleeping toddler with two early rising preschoolers was harder than teens of any description I've yet encountered.

Obviously that doesn't mean that there aren't massive challenges with teens, but they are less relentless, you have time to breathe and sleep a six hour stretch and go to the toilet and take a bath.

The emotionally wrung out feeling that teens produce is worse.
I was part time when DD was a toddler and it was only for a few years.
As a preteen we've had self harm,suicidal thoughts,emotional meltdowns ,Cahms and finally an assessment for Asperger's.
A single parent(she sees her dad but doesn't want him informing so it's all on me).
It is soul distributing and there really is no help.
And this is a teen who helps around,not too many teen strops.But high anxiety about small things(can't go to the shops on her own as people make her very stressed).She wants to leave home,go to uni but I'm not sure how she'll manage.
Toddler years were a doddle.

@itwillbebetterinaugust

woah, not sure in my many years on here i've ever been specifically accused of competitive misery schadenfreude before. can barely spell it tbf :D

i (thankfully) don't have a violent teen, but i do have an ASD teen. who never slept more than 45 mins at a stretch as a babe. but we're not going in for competition here, right?

as a parent with ASD (adult diagnosis, natch), and a sahm, i'm struggling with the lines you appear to be drawing here. turns out it's not black & white...(thanks, diagnosis, for that gem)

Teens.

Every. Single. Time.

Teen for me, toddler was Easy with my daughter, she slept through from eleven weeks, never regressed, never had a tantrum and was generally an easy child,,,so was teen easy to be fair, but mentally it was more tough, from the how late to let her stay out, experimenting with booze, school/exam angst, boyfriends, all the normal teenage stuff but it was way more mentally challenging for me, as I needed to think through how to respond or handle things correctly , without making the same mistakes my parents made.

As such, I’d say the teenage years were harder.

Teens is far worse. Mine were easy toddlers. Or it could just be that my patience has now drained away

Toddlers are harder imo. I have a 13 y/o ds and a 2 y/o dd. My ds is a smart, kind helpful young man and I have a brilliant relationship with him. But he is definitely full of hormones and his favourite word is "dunno" most of the time! My dd is "spirited" shall we say and bloody hard work a lot of the time. But she's such a little character and makes me laugh every day, I agree with others that say each stage has their challenges, but for me I'm finding the toddler stage hardest right now! It's just the lack of freedom and everything feels like such a performance all the time! If that even makes sense?!

For me teens are way harder than toddlers. Guess it depends on your kids.

Give me a class full of toddlers any day..teens..well

I found parenting toddlers hard work but am enjoying the teen years so far. Younger dd is 13. Eldest dd will be 16 this year.

Teens without a doubt

I found toddlers fun and easy

I absolutely loved the infant year. Parenting a teen is quite honestly the hardest thing I have ever done.

Toddler. Mine was one of the type who wasn't a good sleeper, quite a lot of tantrums, fussy eater, strong willed - but mellowed as she grew up and became a lovely teenager. I can't really remember any problems at all, she even developed good sleeping habits.

Although the younger years were hard work at the time, in retrospect I know I was lucky to have it this way round.

Well I’m doing both at the moment 🤦🏻‍♀️

My (nearly) toddler is so so so sweet but is an extremely active, very determined child - it’s exhausting. Very messy.

The teenagers are only really helpful when they feel like it and it suits them. I do a LOT of nagging. They are generally quite sensible, good kids though. Also very messy. Eat a lot.

I think if you give them proper boundaries and expectations for behaviour throughout the first stages of childhood this then sets them up for the teenage years.

All kids seem to have a tricky phase but at different times, depending on when they decide they need to exert their independence. My eldest was the hardest toddler but is fine as a teenager, a bit lippy at times. No2 was an absolute angel as a younger child but is the most frustrating teenager, she’s very good natured but totally and utterly away with the fairies and I’m starting to realise just how much she relied on me the past.

Both have their challenges but definitely finding the teenage years harder than the toddler age.

Teenagers way harder, my DS is more difficult than normal- adhd , school problems , unpredictable, late home, leaving home at night. Very challenging. Think back to him being tucked up at 8 pm, was great !

Teenagers. Definitely. Currently waiting for 17 year old to message to let me know what time to pick up. It won’t be before 12.30. They’ve been out every night this week as it’s half term. We live about 20 minutes further than friends so I have to do all drop offs & pickups.

Add that in with issues mentioned up thread... Whether for them or their friends.

Teen. Toddlers are hard work but in bed by 7.30 and generally uncomplicated.

Teens are navigating a completely different world and may or may not struggle, and you may or may not know.

Currently got a school refuser with worsening social anxiety - would take toddler tantrum over the sobbing despair any day.

On a sideline, what age do you all think teens are at their most difficult?

Mine don’t go out in the eves yet, drinking etc - I bet that stage is the most worrying. Although in my day we just got on with it and nobody’s parents really seemed that bothered 😕

I take towels with me when picking up, disposable bowls with lids in case of vomiting. And bottles of water & crisps!

Good tips thanks Tiara