Not doing posed family photos at our wedding

[Geneshish]

I'd like our photographer to focus on candid shots of the day rather than gathering the various groups of people together. I'd like a few of DP and I on our own, one with the whole wedding party and a massive group shot of everyone. Will I regret that? Is it likely to upset people?

My parents are not together. My dad has a wife but we are not close and I wouldn't want her to feel left out of photos but equally I don't want her in them. So that's one of the reasons I want to do it this way.

Have you chosen your photographer? Some photographers are really good at posing you for a group photo, but the photos they actually take are of the sort of "in between" moments, something like this? But it definitely depends on the personality of your photographer and the personalities of your group, it wouldn't have suited our photographer or most of our family.

The group photos we look at most are actually big group shots of each side of the family, so one of us with all my extended family and one with all DH's extended family. But to be fair, we mostly use them for showing the kids who's who in the family! Our photographer also took posed photos of our parents separately (like just my mum, just my dad, then both together) just before the ceremony, so you could ask for something like that so your dad's wife feels included but you can just send her the photo and never look at it?

You might not want your dad's wife in the photos, but since most photos languish in the photo album unseen, a few posed pictures with the rest candid shouldn't be much hardship.

We did this and we loved it. The group one especially as we've lost a couple of older family members recently so it's nice to see everyone together. I hate posing for photos and my mum refused to be in any other than the group one so we couldn't have done a whole list of posed ones. Everyone was much more relaxed and we got some wonderful natural photos of people without them even noticing.

Just to echo the others, I would have some posed or staged shots with your family and important (to you) people. Our wedding is the only one that had all my DH's immediate family in it so it is nice to have that group photo to look back on (parents and siblings, one sibling died unexpectedly shortly after we married).

To miss out on photos with your mum, say, just because you don't want your dad's wife in them would be something you'll regret later on I think.

Oh I'm sorry I phrased my comment without thinking. Assumed they were both alive and together. Apologies. I have loads of traditional shots with my dad but none with my mum which I was upset about when I realised afterwards. Was trying to save you from that but very clumsy

We did both - the candid shots are lovely however you end up with a lot that although they’ll give you a smile when you see them, you wouldn’t necessarily frame.
My favourite ones turned out to be the group photos of us with our Children/parents/Siblings. They’re not formal in that were all relaxed and smiling/laughing. I’m so glad we had them done as if I’d only got the un-posed ones I think I would’ve regretted it.

Just get some with your dads wife (to be polite) and some without. I did this with my stepdad and got a nice one with him on it framed to give my mum but I didn’t display it myself!
Also a good photographer will speak to you beforehand about what you’re after on the day and you can explain the situation. My photographer took a list of photos I knew we definitely wanted and then I explained I don’t really like my stepdad and it would be fine for him to just be on a few!

Depends how important the photos will be to you?
We didn't have a photographer at all.
It was brilliant being able to enjoy the whole day with no posing about. Made the day so relaxed.
A guest who was in to photography brought a camera as it turns out and took some relaxed snaps and gave us copies. That's all I have and that's enough.
Most people I know have a very expensive album that lives under their bed, and just one or two photos in frames.

I didn’t do it and I hugely regret it as I missed out on getting some really important photos and sat crying on the plane going to my honeymoon.