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Original poster

Not doing posed family photos at our wedding

60 replies

Geneshish · 19/02/2020 21:14

I'd like our photographer to focus on candid shots of the day rather than gathering the various groups of people together. I'd like a few of DP and I on our own, one with the whole wedding party and a massive group shot of everyone. Will I regret that? Is it likely to upset people?

OP posts:

Dangertime · 20/02/2020 06:46

We planned no group shots of our families, but then found they all expected it and had lined up in groups so our photographer just went with it. After it was nice to have them as ppl have said. We got candid / informal photos too which was lovely so I think a mix is best

actiongirl1978 · 20/02/2020 06:51

We had one posed photo with our parents, one with our daughter who was a baby, and that was it. Everything else was random shots.

Also didn't go in for any of those blurry shots of shoes and dress, so cringy.

Photographer was ready to start his shift when I got to the church at 3pm.

Also, we never look at our photos. They are wrapped up under the stairs. We'd have been happy with the two shots we have in frames!

oooompa · 20/02/2020 07:40

I much prefer candid shots at weddings, I just think catching people off guard in a happy moment is a better way of catching the atmosphere of the day.

One of the last weddings I went to they were pulling everyone away for group shops whilst other guests had to mingle for a couple of hours. I was one of the only guests not to be invited into a group shot which stung a little as the bride was a close friend from school. And also awkward because I knew only 2 people at the wedding and for most of the time stood awkwardly by myself!

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Weddings

Spam88 · 20/02/2020 07:54

Candid shots are lovely and that's fine if that's all you want. Just have a little think though as to whether you'd be disappointed if there were no photos of particular people (eg would you be ok if there wasn't a picture of you with your parents) - if you would then get a posed picture.

Depending on your venue set up, you can do the big group shot first then send everyone other than the few people you want in smaller group photos off to get their reception drink.

Ihaveamind · 20/02/2020 08:03

We got both. Posed photos in family groups and then candid shots of people talking, dancing etc. I knew my photographer personally so didn't need to worry that important people would be left out.
My friend on the other hand has appeared twice in the expensive 15 min wedding video of a couple she doesn't know!
She went as a plus one with a friend whose husband stayed at home with the DC.
My friend is very good looking.
If I were that couple I don't think I'd be too impressed.

dorapie · 20/02/2020 08:06

It's not an either/or situation. Our photographer is a reportage photographer and limited the number of posed photos. Originally we said we didn't want any but he insisted that as much as he hated doing them, we'd be glad we did.

And he was right, there are absolutely no candid photos of any of the particular groups we did (only 4, it took 10 minutes after the ceremony) so it's nice to have them. Family members requested them as gifts and actually I do like looking back on them now.

We much much prefer the 'candids' but are glad the photographer made us spend the extra time. Otherwise you may be disappointed you haven't got a photo of you with certain people - especially if you are having a normal-sized wedding with lots of guests.

user1493413286 · 20/02/2020 08:06

I’d think about what photos you’d want up in your house and have those posed ones and then the rest candid. The only thing to work out is how upset you’d be if certain people never ended up in the photos.

Fedupwithmyhouse · 20/02/2020 08:08

This is what we’re doing. I think as long as you make sure you get a few staged shots of the important people in their different groups ie bride and brides family, whole family etc then that’s the way to go.

AliasGrape · 20/02/2020 08:11

We did majority candid, and maybe 6 or 7 posed group ones, the groups took no time at all and it’s really nice for me to have, for example, one of me and DH with all 3 of my siblings and their spouses as we don’t get together all that often due to geography, and when we do don’t always think to take a picture. DH was really happy to have one with all his uni friends as they’re normally a far flung bunch and again not often they’re all together at once. Also it kept my in laws and my elderly aunt happy. So, for the sake of 20 mins out of our day, I’m glad to have them, but the candid ones are our favourites. Actually our photographer was amazing and stayed well into the evening and there are SO many photos, not like a couple of posed ones will stop you having hundreds and hundreds of candids too.

pollysproggle · 20/02/2020 08:20

We did this OP and absolutely love our photos they're brilliant however..... in hindsight I wish I did have a few group shots taken of family and us with just the children.

You don't have to have the posed 'walking off into the sunset' pics but they're handy when you and family want a picture for the mantle.
I have a beautiful pic of my husband and I that's framed but as it's candid there's a cousin and work colleague in the background so I think it's worth asking your photographer to make sure they're some photos which just focus on you two.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 20/02/2020 08:57

We did this, in 1999. The photos still look nice today, not dated because they’re not “posed”.

couchlover · 20/02/2020 09:16

Please don't do this. It's exactly what my sil did and it caused such bad feeding. We we were all in the wedding party and yet there are no photos of my dh, dcs and I together. The only photo of the bride and her mum is from the group shot that they cut them from so my mil has a picture of her and her dd on the day and the only ones of bride and her dad are from walking down the aisle. That wedding cost my in laws £1,000's of pounds (and to be honest cost her brother and I about £800) but it was too much to stand next to us for some formal shots apparently- as a pair they had loads of photos taken in various parts of the venue so it wasn't the posing that was an issue clearly.

Mumofone1902 · 20/02/2020 09:35

I asked for all candid but photographer did about 10 posed shots. The posed ones with parents are the ones on our wall! Although I love looking at the photos of people laughing and dancing and they are beautiful there were none with enough 'main' people in to be able to blow up and put on my wall (By main I mean in a ideal world we could have had a candid shot of us with our parents and siblings but in reality you all split up to talk to everyone so all candid shots will have one or two of you but unlikely all).

Eyeamhere · 20/02/2020 09:55

I really wouldn't do this.
I did a mixture of both and every candid shot was unflattering and felt intrusive. My guests didn't like it and it made them self conscious.
The group shots were kept fairly minimal but they are what we like best, knowing where to find great auntie, granny and uncles.

CormoranStrike · 20/02/2020 09:56

I’d go with what you want most, but ask for a couple of posed groupings so you have them in case if teget

EmmaStone · 20/02/2020 09:58

We did both (17 years ago now), and it's the group shots that I spend my time studying, memories of people no longer with us or who we don't get to see very often. I like that we've got one of each family, groups of friends etc, as well as the more relaxed ones (actually, even in the "staged" ones we all look really relaxed - I'm holding a glass of champagne, people have got sunglasses on etc). I never wanted any of those blurred field, or dress hanging up pictures though (didn't have any of that), it's very personal, isn't it?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 20/02/2020 10:39

We didn't even bother with a photographer. I just thought - are we really going to look at these photos very much? Got a few nice snaps from people who were there with cameras and that's enough. saved a few bob too.

AmelieTaylor · 20/02/2020 10:44

I think you’ll get a lot of people saying they don’t regret not doing it because the demographic on MN is quite young. I think these things start to mean more to you as you get older and have lost family members - it’s nice to have nice photos with them IMO.

IF you have a ‘shoot list’ and an organised photographer it needn’t take that long.

Lamentations · 20/02/2020 11:53

I did it and I have a few great photos but I also have few to none of a few important people as the photographer didn't know who was who. Maybe have a few family shots and the rest reportage style.

kittykarate · 20/02/2020 11:59

I had a mix of posed and candid photos at my wedding - I'm pleased I had both as the reportage photos didn't include everyone. The reportage photographer got very taken with my niece and nephew and there's a lot of them (admittedly very cute) but next to none of my great aunts, who have since passed. Also, the reportage photos of me were double chin, squinty eyed central for some reason.

A friend had just candid photos - he looks back and says if you look at the photos you wouldn't know some people had been at the wedding.

Doobigetta · 20/02/2020 12:02

I think you’d regret not having any. We asked our photographer to do a small number, but the ones of my family are shit, because my brothers went missing for ages. By the time they had been rounded up everyone was sick to death of the whole thing and just wanted it out of the way. So she only took two, and they’re really awkwardly positioned and look as though a child took them by accident. It makes me a bit sad that I don’t have a nice one.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 20/02/2020 12:25

I really wouldn’t ditch the posed shots completely. My most treasured photo from our wedding is of my late grandparents with all of their grandchildren.

Dowser · 20/02/2020 12:45

Our spare celebrant just took photos of the day...they are lovely..gives a good visual record of such a special day.

PicaK · 20/02/2020 13:01

Get one formal one with your mum and dad. I wish I'd done that. I think the more gregarious friends will appear more in the photos and you may miss people. I treasure our photos but you're right it's only the big group one I look at every day.

tattiehat · 20/02/2020 13:17

This is exactly what we did and the photos are great, go for it!

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