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Original poster

Overheard my DS on the phone. I feel sick.

93 replies

NameChangeCentral · 19/02/2020 17:02

I've just been having a lie down in my room with a headache. 14yo (nearly 15yo) DS1 is on his phone to a friend.
I have picked up from the conversation the following -
"But she's only 12. She told me on snapchat she was 15. She asked me out and we were going to, but I backed out at the last minute. Shes blocked me now so I cant screenshot the messages. She lied and now I'm being called a paedo for something I didn't know. I asked her before how old she was - she had told me shes 15 and doing exams.
Her pals have told my pals I'm a paedo. I'm fuming..."

For purposes of full disclosure and not drip feeding, he has aspergers. I have no clue if his literal/straight to the point way of dealing with this is relevant or not, as I haven't spoken with him yet.
I believe totally what hes saying, ie he asked her age etc.
But any advice about how to deal with this before I vomit?

OP posts:
Sherloidbaisherloid · 19/02/2020 18:10

Did they actually meet?

Littlepond · 19/02/2020 18:11

It’s not very nice but “paedo” in this context is just “cradle snatcher” from the 90s right? My friend went out with a 16 yr old when she was 18 and we teased her about her toy boy and him about his older woman 🙄

Kids are dicks. But your son isn’t a paedo and I’d guarantee his “pals” don’t think so either.

AnneOfTeenFables · 19/02/2020 18:12

Fluffy it moved from overhearing one conversation to another conversation, from him having been confused about an age, to other people posting stuff about him. That's a lot to happen in less than 10 minutes including the typing time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds 14 year olds 15 year olds Families
MaryHerbert · 19/02/2020 18:16

While I don't think he has done anything wrong I think it isn't nothing when a girl is 12 and a boy is 14 and I would be very concerned why she's trying to say she is 15.

Yes, this. The girl is telling boys she is fifteen and arranging to meet them. That should be a cause for concern. OP's son backed out, but the next boy might not. And the next person might not be a 14/15 year old boy at all, if this girl is messaging strangers.

OP, do you know who this girl is? I'd wonder whether it should be raised with her school as a safeguarding issue.

Beansandcoffee · 19/02/2020 18:18

Not a nice term but Paedo is used by teen boys. My partner’s son was called it because he had a summer job in a childcare env. I thought it was disgusting but my partner felt that although not nice wasn’t something to get too worried about. On this occasion I decided it wasn’t my battle to fight of his father felt it was ok.

Jojo2wyatr · 19/02/2020 18:25

@NameChangeCentral
Since you said that your DS has Asperger's, are there any social skills classes that he can attend in your area? They will probably include how to handle Social Media, also. Not that he's done anything wrong, but hopefully the classes could teach him how to handle and understand all the nuances of the English language. My son did not understand "figurative " language ( just as an example here, not saying this about your son, Op) It meant that he took words that people spoke at face value! Such as..".she flew off the handle"...omg, the poor child was so confused, but as he got older, he was able to do a pretty good job of handling these kind of expressions. You could check with the Learning Disabilities Association online to inquire about resources.
@steppemum made a good point about you talking with him about how some girls lie and say they are older. This will be especially important when he turns 18
Good luckFlowers

UpToonGirl · 19/02/2020 18:26

I think a lot of OP's anxiety will come from her DS having Aspegers - from experience it adds a totally different perspective about being teased/bullied and dealing with it. A 14/15 year old boy who is not on the spectrum make take the ribbing/joking whatever you call it and diffuse it and be able to laugh it off. Someone who is already seen as being 'different' and not taking teasing very well the situation could easily escalate.

All you can do OP is try to speak to your DS and maybe discuss his response to what people say to or about him.

ShawshanksRedemption · 19/02/2020 18:35

Just to add to the other PPs @NameChangeCentral - let the school know if it carries on so they know to keep an eye out for your DS and nip any name calling etc in the bud.

LizzieVereker · 19/02/2020 18:36

I agree with Beansandcoffee - paedo is unfortunately a favourite insult at secondary school and is often used for an innocuous perceived “crime”. Please talk to your son though, he needs your help to deal with this.

Devlesko · 19/02/2020 18:40

I'd talk to him about finding something more useful than social media. Not good at this age at all.

nowlook · 19/02/2020 18:44

One thing's for sure: this forum changes from year to year, but half-term is a constant.

NotALurker2 · 19/02/2020 18:51

I usually think parents shouldn't get too involved in these things, other than to guide their own DC through it, but in this case I think the 12 year old's parents need to know. She could get herself in to a dangerous situation behaving like that. I would tell them not as if you were complaining about your own DS's treatment, but "I though you should know what your DD is up to."

ToeStubber · 19/02/2020 19:21

Wow. Why did you even post this? He is under 18 himself so obviously can’t be a pedophile fs and she’s 12, not a six year old where yeah, I’d have major concerns but 12? No. His friends are probably going to wind him up a bit but they won’t think he is actually a pedophile. Grow up a bit op.

SunshineCake · 19/02/2020 19:32

If my child was using peado in anyway but discussing the meaning etc I'd be having words. It makes me feel uncomfortable and sad that it seems to be used so casually.

february08baby · 19/02/2020 19:48

PPs don't seem that concerned. Whether he knew or not, it seems he behaved inappropriately towards a 12 year old girl - did they have sex, did they have any sexual contact, were there any pictures etc? That is pretty serious and I'd be horrified if it were my DD whether she was 12 or 15. What about protection etc?

LovingLola · 19/02/2020 20:07

He is under 18 himself so obviously can’t be a pedophile fs

What gives you that idea?

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 19/02/2020 20:09

What l find strange about all this is why is a 12 year old girl behaving like this?

My daughter is 13. She wasn’t allowed any social media until then. She is totally disinterested in boys at the moment. She was still very much a little girl at 12.

My concern as the op’s parent wouldn’t be about her son. It would be about why is a 12 year old child (and she is a child) behaving like this and eve on Snapchat?

DowntownAbby · 19/02/2020 20:11

@DecemberSnow

His 14

Confused
LovingLola · 19/02/2020 20:12

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince

Have a read of the thread about the 9 year old who has run up a bill of £2300 giving gifts to influencers.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/02/2020 20:14

Take his phone off him.
My dd was bullied on social media last year and I just took her phone away so she couldn’t read any of it (I also ended up contacting the school but I’m not sure that’s necessary here at the moment - wait and see what is said in school.

The power social media holds over teenagers (and people in general - see Caroline flack story atm) is bonkers.

Take away the medium. Stop looking at it. You can live (better) without it!

ToeStubber · 19/02/2020 20:14

LovingLola Did you really ask that? How can he be one if he isn’t an adult sexually engaging with a child who is pre pubescent. Being an adult is the key part here.

LovingLola · 19/02/2020 20:15

@ToeStubber
In 2016 an 11 year old boy was in court and convicted of sexual assault of his 9 year old sister. He filmed the assaults on his mobile phone. He was placed on the sex offenders register.

ToeStubber · 19/02/2020 20:16

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes I feel like that’s punishing your daughter. I get removing her from social media but to take away her phone entirely seems wrong when she wasn’t misbehaving etc.

LovingLola · 19/02/2020 20:17

That was in Cornwall.

ToeStubber · 19/02/2020 20:19

LovingLola and that compares how? A 14 year old with a 12 year old does not make him a pedophile. I could almost swear you need to be an adult to be one. An 11 year old taking pictures of a nine year old is obviously a crime, it’s become child sexual images which are illegal and rightly so.