How would you feel if dp/dh says this to you

[granadagirl]

So I’ve known him 20yrs, been living together nearly 17yrs. Partnered. No kids together, I have 1 adult son
Every now and then usual after words, he will come out with the statement
“ well you now what you can do”

How would you feel ?

Do you mean 'know'?

If so, I would read it as 'you can leave if you like, I'm not bothered'.

I think he's saying if you don't like how things are, leave. It sounds like a low level threat. What are the living arrangements? Who owns what?

I do t know what you mean- that sentence makes no sense

I think he means like it or lump it. If you don’t like it you know what you can do. I suppose he means leave.

? If it’s “well you know what you can do”

Could mean anything. Could mean, you can leave, you can apologise, you can carry on because nothing he says will change your mind, you can stop over-reacting,

Do you know what the “what” is that he’s referring to?
If not, I’d ask him what he means by saying that.

I’d feel as though he wasn’t particularly fussed whether the relationship continued or not, and I’d probably take him up on it. To be honest, he’s correct: if you don’t like something, you always have the option of leaving. It doesn’t sound like you have the usual things which keep miserable couples together, so I’d give it some serious thought.

I’d think he wanted out but was too much of a coward to leave so was encouraging you to make the move.

An older friend’s partner says this a lot and neither of them seem happy in the relationship.

Turn it round on him and say "What are you suggesting I do?"

To me it translates as “You can fuck right off”

Sorry, I should clarify why I mentioned the friend was older! They are both in their early 60s working part time low paid, no kids together and together really because I don’t think either one wants to be alone, they feel it’s unlikely at their age to find someone else and they would struggle alone financially.

There’s no affection really and they live fairly separate lives. She’s always busy out and about (and does actually have male admirers who are much nicer to her!) and he is really quite a couch potato and seems fairly lazy.

It depends on what context.

What’s your relationship normally like?

I’d take that as your can fuck off’ or ‘do one’

I regularly say to my dh ‘get to fuck’ - but in a joking way.

Yes it is “know”

I presume, when he’s comes out with the sentence he means
“If you don’t like what I’m doing/saying, you can leave”

The sentence is so hurtful, like it’s nothing!

That’s what I mean, if it got said to you every now and then in an argument
How would you feel?

Depends what the arguments were about. Everyone had their hills to die on. There are some things I would tell DH to like it or leave over.

DP has never said that to me. I've never said it to him.
It's a comment used to shut down behaviour or a conversation that doesn't suit him.
Any other issues in your relationship?

He is saying you can leave if you don’t like the situation or outcome after words. You haven’t posted the situations but if he is making you unhappy then leave. I would assume he knows you won’t leave though which is why he treats you like this.

It’s hurtful because you care and he doesn’t care. You can only change what you do not how you feel at the moment.

It’s a sentence that says if you don’t like it leave because I’m not changing. I used to call the a mic drop sentence when STBXH used them. I don’t let him do it anymore, divorce has a way of strengthening boundaries I have found.

Who’s house are you in?

If I was living in his house I’d pack a bag and go.

If he’s living in yours pack his bag so he can go

If you jointly own - tell him you’ll put it up for sale.

In this context I’d be really pissed off

It depends on what the arguments are about.

I’d feel like I didn’t matter to him.

I'd feel unloved and not part of a team.

I would feel like he was saying he wasn't willing to do anything to change / help any problems and I should either put up with him as he is and things as they are, or leave.

It would make me very sad . So sorry OP.

I cant think that I would get to that stage of the relationship without being aware that something wasnt right. For a partner to say this it seems to me that there isnt much of a relationship left anyway.
Its a sad affair but maybe one that needs to be tackled head-on or you could drift through another 17 years in the same unloving but together state.
I would probably start looking to get away from this relationship and either move out if possible (maybe with the adult son?) or move into the spare room for the time being. I do know some people who have done this and while it's not the best solution at least you could have your own space while you prepare for the next stage.

It wasn’t a heated argument, this was it

Me - I was reading to him that the sky was going up
He - Bloody hell, mind you it’s not that bad it’s the BT
Me - yer but £20 odd is sports
He - we’ve got £109 spare left in joint bill acct
Me - that’s ok
He - I must off put too much in
Me - why you, I might off. Leave it there just in case
He - if you can leave it there, then you must have too much money because I haven’t
Me - no I haven’t but £20 odd quid won’t get you much
He - well I’m not putting that much in next mth if that’s left over
Me - your so money mad, your tight

Then the statement
If you don’t like it, you know what to do”

He didn’t speak after, about half hour later he went upstairs for about 45 mins (lying on bed i think)
He - when he came down ask did I want drink
Me - no

He hasn’t spoken, Just going about his stuff
I feel an atmosphere around
But I don’t know what I’ve said???

Sorry, I just don't understand the sentences.

I don’t know if it’s the way you wrote it but that conversation makes no sense whatsoever. In the limited context though it doesn’t sound as it’s a “if you don’t like it, leave” more of an “if you don’t like it, you put £20 in”