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Original poster

Does anyone else find that so many people these days are breathtakingly self absorbed?

54 replies

BlueSpotty · 17/02/2020 20:45

I have recently had to distance myself from two fairly new friends; one is a neighbour and the other is someone that I met at a martial arts class I go to once a week.

The neighbour, since the day she moved in, has wanted constant favours, help with her kids, and seems incapable of managing her life herself without drama. She texts me long monologues constantly about herself, usually moaning, and if I reply with anything about myself she then doesn't reply again until she wants to send the next text about herself.

The other lady that I've met at martial arts club again seems to want constant favours and help, which I have been happy to do up to a point but the favours were getting more and more complex, demanding and time consuming not to mention cheeky. She also kept sending me long texts and facebook messages moaning about her situation.

Someone else that I know is totally self absorbed; on Facebook she posts dramatic status day after day, and will often do a status such as checking in at a hospital 'feeling worried' and then disappear for days before updating. She rarely replies to anyone's comments or support to her moans. Every year or so she starts a new Facebook account and only adds 'people who care about her' as a friend. I haven't commented on anything of hers for a while for reasons stated above, and luckily I haven't been added to the new account. She never offers any support to others, ever.

Does anyone else think that more and more people are just totally self absorbed and selfish these days? I have got good friends btw, who are not like this in any capacity, hence it's no big deal to cut loose self absorbed idiots.

OP posts:
FET2020 · 17/02/2020 20:46

I honestly don’t know anyone like this, you must have been a bit unlucky there. They do sound like hard work!

ShirleyPhallus · 17/02/2020 20:49

There is definitely a sub-section of the population who think that their voice and their stories are the most interesting thing you could ever hear. Usually white men in their 60s.

I went to a shop at the weekend and needed help with something. Instead for chapter and verse from this man about his father and family in the war. Ended up leaving as I had zero interest in listening to that.

I seem to attract men like that - ones who think you want to hear their opinions on golf or politics or the family around the corner.

So I don’t think it’s a new thing at all, imo.

Wearywithteens · 17/02/2020 20:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

managedmis · 17/02/2020 20:52

Totally agree op.

It's all so fake

AlanRickmanFanClub · 17/02/2020 21:23

Oh god yes.

HairyString · 18/02/2020 10:11

Yes absolutely. Massive bust up in our family due to young married couple thinking they are entitled to thieve off relatives to have a ready made lifestyle.

People are fake, rude, arrogant and pushy nowadays.

Love51 · 18/02/2020 10:15

I'm not sure it is just "these days". Obviously the social media aspect is recent, but the idea that everyone was lovely during the war doesn't really hold up to scrutiny. I feel like we interact with a larger number of people these days, so run it to more annoying ones!

Dozer · 18/02/2020 10:17

Sounds like you didn’t filter out these new acquaintances quickly enough, eg by ignoring lengthy, moaning texts and refusing the favours.

Milicentbystander72 · 18/02/2020 10:26

I agree OP.

I have a few acquaintances like this but recognised them early in and kept my distance. I find it mainly women in their 50's (I'm 47 though so maybe it's my peer group?).

Weirdly my best friend (Male, Gay) I've had for over 20 years has slowly become very much like this. He's single, never had a relationship and it's not close to his family. He's always been a warm and attentive friend. We're in the same industry (creative). However over the last 5 years he's not been getting in with his Agent and he uses me for career advice and even notes on projects yes working on. He has lots of mental health issues that I'm his first go-to person for. I'm happy to talk anytime and help......but I feel it's all become terribly one-sided and we only talk about his issues endlessly over and over. It's s huge circle of his moaning, my advice and reassurance and him never taking advice or ever changing anything. I am beginning to feel like a wall.

Whenever I tell him if I'm having a hard time he shuts me down "well you gave s sh and dcs so......no problem"

Milicentbystander72 · 18/02/2020 10:28

I just wanted to add that I have an acquaintance (we used to be friends) who likes to post photos of her meal on FB but includes her 'pills' on the side of the plate in the hope that someone asks what's wrong with her.

No-one does.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 18/02/2020 10:31

There is a block button on FB ...

ExpletiveDelighted · 18/02/2020 10:42

I only know one person who is really like this but she can be very annoying. Pretends to listen to me for about 30s in between her own monologues but when I bring whatever I said up again next time we meet she has no recollection of having been told before. Only calls when she wants something.

Jarvisisgod · 18/02/2020 10:46

I find millenials are the worst for this

bubblesforlife · 18/02/2020 10:51

I find more and more that a persons favourite topic is themselves. They will spend minutes telling a story about the most mundane situation, like standing in a Q to buy a coffee, and really think that you actually give a shit. Then they will move into how they are selecting paint colours, and you’re again expected to care. If you mention, ah man I’m feeling a little down lately, oh I’m sorry to hear that. Silence.

I have a lot of friends like this.

bubblesforlife · 18/02/2020 10:52

Oops, I hit post to soon.

I’m now distancing myself from these leaches. I find it really hard to listen to. I may. It have many friends soon, but hey ho!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 18/02/2020 11:09

I, too have had a few friends like this in the past, so I don't think it's a new thing. Maybe socal media just shoves it in front of us more frequently than when you had to phone & meet up.

One friend & I joined the same exercise class one evening a week. There was a bit of relaxation at the end of each class & I'd walk out to the car park with her, feeling toned, relaxed & ready to go home.

At this point she'd launch into how badly everything was going at work, in minute detail. On & on, while the sky darkened & I started to get cold. I'd invite her back to my place (it was closer than hers) so we could get warm & have a coffe - but she always refused & carried on talking. When she'd said all she wanted to, she got into her car & went home, while I was left feeling ragged & cold, with my DH wondering what time I was going to turn up.

I put up with it because (a) I was too nice/sappy & (b) she was a lovely friend in other ways. But I got really sick of it.

Subtractingcalories · 18/02/2020 11:12

Call me old-fashioned but I think there is a huge emphasis on self-confidence, self-fulfilment, self-care etc nowadays (and all of those things are good) but there is very little emphasis alongside that on "how to treat others".

I think if you haven't been taught basic manners as a child, (and manners at their most fundamental = consideration of others) then it genuinely doesn't occur to you that you are being rude, or that friendship is a two way street.

Original poster
BlueSpotty · 18/02/2020 11:46

@Subtractingcalories I totally agree! There seems
to be so much focus on 'self'.

I think I'm a bit of a softie when I meet people, especially people that seem like they could do with a friend. I'm always happy to be kind and to do favours to a certain extent but after a certain amount of crap behaviour from a 'friend' I'm done.

OP posts:
CorianderLord · 18/02/2020 11:46

They don't sound anything like any of my friends.

tiggertogger · 18/02/2020 11:52

I find a lot of SAHMs are like this. Without any real structure or purpose they seem to become quite focused on themselves and dramas which are just part of daily life. None of my friends with careers operate in the same way but a good number of mums I've met at school who have nothing else to do but think about what they find difficult. I often wonder if they had a job to go out to, if they wouldn't have time to create so much drama!

allthingsred · 18/02/2020 11:52

Yes op.
(Although I work with a lot of 16-21 yr old so my view is skewered with them being self absorbed or just typical teenagers)
But it can feel as it's all about them & their problems are always someone else's fault.
& it's up to other people to solve them..rather than they being proactive on how to self solve

ClappyFlappy · 18/02/2020 11:53

I agree there seem to be a lot of people like this.

I blame Instagram. What other purpose does it serve other than for people to post vacuous “mememe” shite and seek likes and validation from others?

SeaEagleFeather · 18/02/2020 14:08

Call me old-fashioned but I think there is a huge emphasis on self-confidence, self-fulfilment, self-care etc nowadays (and all of those things are good) but there is very little emphasis alongside that on "how to treat others".

I think if you haven't been taught basic manners as a child, (and manners at their most fundamental = consideration of others) then it genuinely doesn't occur to you that you are being rude, or that friendship is a two way street

Sums it up nicely.

chickedeee · 18/02/2020 14:21

People who talk about themselves or always bring the conversation around to themselves are soooo draining!

Many of the parents I know are like this I have lost count how many times I have stood glazed over while someone has talked AT me about themselves. Not interested in me or my well-being.

I care about others who also care about me. A rare breed of person nowadays Sad

TenCornMaidens · 18/02/2020 14:59

I met a lady recently, friend of a friend and we have many things in common. I was quite hopeful. But by the end of an hour she hadn't asked me a single SINGLE question, not to mention being very adolescent about some sort of crappy interpersonal drama in a hobby circle she was in. I haven't suggested meeting up again and it is as if she has forgotten we ever met. I genuinely don't think my existence as a fully-fledged human being really registered with her. No great loss.