Does anyone else find that so many people these days are breathtakingly self absorbed?

[BlueSpotty]

I have recently had to distance myself from two fairly new friends; one is a neighbour and the other is someone that I met at a martial arts class I go to once a week.

The neighbour, since the day she moved in, has wanted constant favours, help with her kids, and seems incapable of managing her life herself without drama. She texts me long monologues constantly about herself, usually moaning, and if I reply with anything about myself she then doesn't reply again until she wants to send the next text about herself.

The other lady that I've met at martial arts club again seems to want constant favours and help, which I have been happy to do up to a point but the favours were getting more and more complex, demanding and time consuming not to mention cheeky. She also kept sending me long texts and facebook messages moaning about her situation.

Someone else that I know is totally self absorbed; on Facebook she posts dramatic status day after day, and will often do a status such as checking in at a hospital 'feeling worried' and then disappear for days before updating. She rarely replies to anyone's comments or support to her moans. Every year or so she starts a new Facebook account and only adds 'people who care about her' as a friend. I haven't commented on anything of hers for a while for reasons stated above, and luckily I haven't been added to the new account. She never offers any support to others, ever.

Does anyone else think that more and more people are just totally self absorbed and selfish these days? I have got good friends btw, who are not like this in any capacity, hence it's no big deal to cut loose self absorbed idiots.

I've a work colleague like this - I feel some sympathy for them as they've been through some shit, but conversely I find myself sitting there with my jaw on the floor wondering how anyone can be so unaware of themselves.

Usually white men in their 60s.
I've found white men in their sixties to be generally not very self-absorbed in the sense of talking about themselves and their feelings. in particular

Often to their detriment: I know of at least two suicides in this age group.

I do find the parents of some children go on and on about their Wonder Child and rarely ask about anyone else or their children.

I think the comment about SAHM's is a bit off! I have sahm friends who are incredibly dynamic, capable, interesting and aware of others!

I find a lot of SAHMs are like this. Without any real structure or purpose they seem to become quite focused on themselves and dramas which are just part of daily life.

And another SAHM-bashing post. I'm not one, btw.

Plenty of self absorbed "not like the other girls" people about. Usually white and middle class living off mummy and daddy whining that it's so hard to be them.

OP, fortunately I don't have anyone close to me like that, but that could be because at my age I can spot a self absorbed user from 40 yards.

A tip for you OP, if someone you have just met starts asking for a favour it usually is a massive red flag.

Non CF types do NOT ask favours of people the have recently met.
Cop on/manners/self awareness would preclude them from doing so.

👍

Yeah, no need to make nasty generalisations about SAHMs.

OP, perhaps rather than giving favours / putting up with X amount of crap from new acquaintances just seek reciprocity right from the start? It does quickly weed out the “takers” and bores.

My friends do not do this. I think you need to steer well clear of people who do this right from the beginning.

OP - Why do they have your phone number?

I had a friend block me when I point blank asked why she hadn't congratulated me for something I'd worked so hard for with life changing results. She told me she had too many other things to deal with.
Yes. Almost all of them of her own making and exacerbated by her dramatics.
I do miss her but my mental health improved after not taking on her nonsense.

I’ve been a teacher for 7 years a d one thing I have noticed is a real shift in young people’s ability to receive as well as transmit. A lot of younger people seem to spend 80% of their time transmitting and don’t seem to receive much. I think this is a knock on effect of social media immersion.

My late mum was 14 when ww2 broke out and she said that people could be horrible and self centred and it wasn't always ' pull together' ! The black market was a real thing but her family refused to use it : others were not so truthful. My auntie was sent to Oxford to live and had an awful time with the family that took her in. It wasn't always as they portray in the films.

People have always been selfish and me me me long before social media etc etc. Us humans are flawed and not always pleasant or nice. Being self absorbed is a horrible trait but lots are like it! ( most of my family are like it!)

Millennials, SAHMs, White men in their 60s, women in their 50s, people on Instagram - it’s almost as if anyone can be self-absorbed.

^ yep who would have thought! I think a lot of people are too easily sucked into their own dramas and have quite a small world to consider. Then can’t contemplate other people have their own lives and challenges

That type of person also manages to make a drama about things that are just something that most people deal with without a fuss.

The attention seeking woman on FB that I referred to in my OP seems to constantly get into arguments with people in shops, every time any of her 5 kids have a disagreement with a friend at school she turns it into a huge FB drama.

Close relatives of mine are baby boomers and the drama is unbelievable; they also do the ' back in the day ' thing as well. It wasn't that great at times.
Rose coloured specs are on sale everywhere.

I think that society has changed and that it is far for "me me me, it's all about me".

@Blueemeraldagain, that's a really interesting comment, would you mind explaining a bit more about what you mean by that and how it plays out in the classroom?

Cut out the drama queens. Totally agree with you.

The thing is, although it's a cliche I am very aware of 'being kind' however that then often ends up with me having needy, selfish people attached to me. Then when/if I try to distance myself it's so difficult as they don't get the hint or take total offence. The woman from my class has phoned me a couple of times threatening to kill herself, then ends up fine by the end of the phone call, but she won't ever do anything to help herself such as see her GP.

Oh ok, yes I know someone like this. The way I see a situation like that would be this: You are making a legitimate threat on your life (regardless of whether or not they actually are, there's no way you can judge that in the situation which would be 100%), therefore I will take your threat seriously. So, I will ask you to go to your GP and I will follow up on whether or not you have taken action. Someone I know goes to suicidal threats a lot, and now because she knows that I will always say to seek help from a GP or a counsellor she doesn't say it to me as much anymore. I don't think she liked my reaction as I wasn't reacting to her threat in the way she wanted, but from my part I wasn't prepared to be responsible for whether she lives or dies. That felt like a huge weight on me. I wouldn't take that on OP, you're not her therapist.

If you want to talk self absorbed, then you should come meet my in-laws and my DH, who may, for these very reasons, soon be my ex DH.

I've known in-laws for 0ver 26 years and they have not one taken an interest in me. This is to the point that they do not even know what town I am from or what my surname is. We see each other very often and have even spent 6 weeks living in the same house.

They talk about themselves the whole time and only do what they want. I could actually go on Mastermind and answer all questions correctly about mundane bollocks that is their lives because I have to listen to it hours on end. They however don't even know when my birthday is.

It amazes me how someone can sit there and just talk about themselves the whole time and only ever consider what they want. I've never been able to understand why some people are so self absorbed, selfish, lacking compassion and empathy for others and just don't get that they are not the only people on the planet like they are the only real person and the rest of us are a computer program designed to make their lives great.

@Woollycardi

I wouldn’t say the students are dramatically better or worse at listening to me/other staff than I was at their age
It’s more how they “communicate” with each other. We are/were a restorative justice school (less said the better and luckily school is quietly dropping 80% of the principles now) so we do a lot of talking through situations and issues between students and I often feel like I am having two completely different conversations at the same time. The “answers” they give to each other often don’t even make sense!

Contrary to the previous poster who said that it seems to be 'white men in their 60s',I've found that the worst offenders are usually somewhat younger,more like 20s and early 30s,male and female.

Those people were always out there thinking the world is revolving around them, but I guess the increasing ways to communicate (texts/whatsapp groups/social media) gives them a platform to reach out more people and also it feeds their "look at me" obsession.