Toddler came home from dads with bruising on inner thighs

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My 22 month old daughter came home from her dads yesterday. He had put her in her pajamas so I put her straight to bed.

She’s just woken up and had a dirty nappy so I’ve changed her and noticed several bruises on her inner thighs.

I have several thoughts whirling round my head. Should I be worried about these bruises?

He has known to be aggressive but never hurt me or her when we were together.

I would call social services. All the GP will do is phone social services anyway, as no GP will want to take the risk of having missed an incident of abuse. So just go direct to social services.

Do NOT ask him anything

This - if he has done anything, he will be forewarned and come up with a "reason" for them.

It may be innocent - he may not even know that they are there (bruises can take a little while to appear) and so may not have mentioned that she fell playing on a rocking horse or whatever - but yes, definitely photograph and get her checked asap.

If your google MASH, you’ll find a number for your local safeguarding team. It may be nothing, but you absolutely need to speak to someone about this.

The NSPCC is a good idea also if you want some advice.

Don’t delay and give him the opportunity to say the bruises could have occurred today while she’s with you.

Sending you love you must be worried sick. I hope there is an innocent explanation

I’ve never had to grip my DD’s inner thighs for a nappy change. You surely grab the ankles if wriggly?
If he has tendency to be aggressive, could he get frustrated with a toddler?

You need to take pictures and seek professional advice but please do not be too worried. My children bruise easily - as teenagers we have discovered there is a medical reason for it but we would not have known this when they were babies. Children who have hyper mobility in their family can bruise easily.

Context is everything surely?
By “aggressive” do you mean he gets shorty after a few drinks or he has a serious history of physical violence?
Is your ex-partner a decent man with a bit of a bad temper, or a nasty violent man capable of anything?
Does he love spending time with his child or is it sort of “forced” on him so you can work, etc

The fact that you’re so worried would suggest he is the kind of person who shouldn’t be spending time with a small child, regardless of what happened in these circumstances.

Did he hand her back to you personally or is there a third party as you said you only have contact via third party?

If you only have contact via email, who hands your dd over to him and how do you get her back? Who else is involved with this set up?

Or are you overreacting and he would be horrified if he knew what you are thinking? Maybe he was messing about carrying her on his shoulders. Maybe they went to a park and played the seesaw. The fact that you are no longer with him doesn’t make him a monster. Your child is nearly two so clearly you’ve known him years. What makes you suspect him of being violent?

I would seek medical advice. That’s an odd place to get accidental bruises unless she is unusually prone to bruising in which case there may be a medical problem. Of course she may just bruise easily and had suddenly sat down on some wooden blocks or something. Regardless it needs investigation. Is this the first time she’s come home with bruising? Is she generally quick to bruise?

Just call the police on 101. Please.

@Cam77 abusers rely of victims and those meant to protect them thinking that they’re overreacting. The OP hasn’t jumped to any conclusions, she’s very reasonably concerned give the type of bruising.

I would take her to a professional if you're worried. Sometimes people with experience can distinguish between the types of bruises that tend to result from normal toddler accidents and others that result from rough handling.

OP might be worrying about nothing but that doesn't mean she shouldn't investigate further. We can't protect children without sometimes raising questions about some situations which turn out to be completely innocent.

My first thought was that you must have an opinion on whether you trust your child’s dad with her.Is it not possible to meet up with him to hand over your child and when you have her back? Surely there are things to be said at these times regarding her general well being, things she has enjoyed, problems etc. Surely he would want to know more about her than just a “hand over” which sounds odd. How long have you been separated and what was he like with her when you were together? I would hesitate to start something involving outside agencies which could drive a further wedge between yourself and him unless you have more information. I would ask him. Can you telephone? You can pick up a lot by hearing his voice.

I would photograph the bruises, send them as a message and ask what happened.
From a safeguarding perspective, it doesn't matter how 'nice' the person seems to be, inner thigh bruises are always a worry.
You need to get her checked out by a health professional. Safeguarding aren't automatically going to go crazy, but they will want her to have a top to toe examination and possibly xrays to check for other injuries.

Do the bruises have some sort of identifiable pattern i.e. do they look like fingermarks?
When nappy hanging, does everything look normal down below?
Is your DD complaining of being sore, or is she holding/touching/rubbing herself down below when she wouldn't do normally?
Is she behaving as usual?

GP ASAP.

Sorry but I think this is concerning. In response to previous posters, wouldn't the OP know if her daughter bruised easily? Also I have a very wriggly son but I have never caused him any bruises from changing his nappy.

Please call your GP or the NSPCC for advice. You have to advocate for your daughter here. Hopefully it will turn out to have an innocent explanation but you'll be glad you checked.

Your health visitor can refer you to the on call paediatrician for child protection and NAI

Please ignore the people who are telling you to speak to him. Do not do this! You’ve posted on here, it sounds like you have suspicions. Take her to the GP this morning and they can either refer you, advise how you can refer yourself or if they don’t do so, you can google your local children’s services. You need to speak to social services this morning. Please do not delay.

Bruises in certain places on small children are a red flag to children’s services. It is just known.

The GP will just refer to safeguarding. Easier to contact them directly through SS or the NSPCC. Good luck OP

The GP will just refer to safeguarding.

The GP will refer to safeguarding, yes.

They will also check the child out for further injury or illness.