If DH and I died suddenly...

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...who would raise our DC? Would they be put into care or would family raise them - if the latter, how is it decided which family raises them?

Yes Chickens I do know about that misconception - as silly as I feel about not knowing to put this information in a will, I don't know how some people believe that the church can have this level of power!

As a PP just said, the idea that your children would go straight to foster carers whilst assessments are done is wrong - your children would only go into foster care of no one was able to care for them.

I know of different children who have been taken straight into the care of an aunt, maternal grandparents, and family friends when their parent has suddenly died without wills in place.

I'm also fairly certain that putting it in a will doesn't give anyone parental responsibility automatically for your children if you die - if they need parental responsibility (which ideally they do - school applications, child benefits, medical consent etc) they would still need to apply to a court and likely have an assessment - but the children can live with them whilst this happens if there are no concerns.

DH & I are named in two people's wills as potential legal guardians. These people are forbidden from travelling together!

We discussed it with DC and they both chose MIL to live with. So this is written into our wills. I have also told godparents, who have DC similar ages and to whom DC are close, that there would be plenty of life assurance to pay for holidays, if they ever wanted to take DC away with them.

It gave me a huge peace of mind when it was all sorted.

Seraphina that's where I'm struggling, our friends don't have children yet so we have no idea what parenting styles they would have! My DP would be absolutely perfect, but I don't know if it's the done thing to choose parents?

Ada I LOVE your plan re living arrangements, it's so well thought out!

Meadow I'd like to know that too - we have nothing and we rent!

It’s best to put it all in a will with insurance benefits detailed to. You should look at insurance for now for if one of you dies. Think worse case and speak to a broker.

If you and dh are in good health please look at life insurance it really is not expensive and will give you the peace of mind that your kids will be ok financially

The other thing to think about is how things will change in the future. We did our will when dd (our eldest) was a baby. 4 possible future guardians:-

Sibling 1 - married, two kids in primary school
Sibling 2 - single, no kids
Sibling 3 - married, no kids
Friends - local, married, unable to have kids but desperate for a baby, saw dd a lot

From this it seems like a toss up between sibling 1 and friends.

Fast forward a few years and we now have two kids and the situation is very different:-

Sibling 1 - youngest child now in college, lives abroad a lot of the year
Sibling 2 - married with a child (we are named guardians)
Sibling 3 - married with a child
Friends - large family of their own through adoption.

Siblings 2 and 3 now looking far more appropriate.

What we did was name both sets of parents as guardians (in laws as main and my parents as back up) and state that we wanted the two families to work together to decide on the best people to have residence. We have also discussed with parents every now and then who we thought it should be - which has changed over the years.

We need to get round to making wills I think at the moment my daughter would go to my in laws as they spend more time with her than my Dad but if they are too old I'm not sure as would be one of our siblings but none have kids at the moment. Don't have any friends close enough to ask either. Hopefully never an issue

We originally put friends down as guardians for DS but as things can happen we are not as close as we used to be with moving, work etc. So when we were amending our wills for other things we changed guardian to MIL. DS is now 15 so not many years before technically an adult, so we discussed it with him. MIL is the youngest GP and in the best health.

So bear that in mind when naming guardians, that things can change. Also my understanding is that it is advisory not legally binding, so social workers could change if it was thought that the named guardians would not be in the best interests of the child eg if in our case MIL was beginning to show signs of dementia and we hadn't changed our will.

It is always a good idea to have a will and power of attorney set up, makes things so much easier at very stressful times.

We have our BIL and his wife listed as our DC's guardians, but as they've now moved to another continent, we need to update this!

DH and I discussed it earlier and the parenting question came up. His older Dsis loves the children, but she and her DH have made some irresponsible decisions in the past (not financial) one of which was health-related and almost caused one of them to die because they didn't seek medical treatment after a serious accident. It wasn't a minor injury, but the sort that no sensible person would ignore!

So, we're going to ask his other Dsis instead. It would mean moving the DC to another area but there's no way I can ask my close friends here, they have too many DC and other responsibilities to deal with - I know at least two would say yes, but it would be too much to ask.

Just get it in writing, OP. There are some online legal sites that can give you a basic form to complete.

If you think your parents are young enough and strong enough to bring up your children to adulthood, then of course you can name them as guardians in your will (after checking that they're okay with that).

Fortunately my SIL was of a similar age and with similar aged children to ours, so we asked her and her husband to be guardians.
It seemed like a huge decision at the time. It's almost as if we ended up expecting it to happen! Once we'd chosen, we got things in perspective again, and got on with life. And of course purchased life insurance so that SIL would have the cash to bring them up.

Oh, DH's brother also has POA for them so we'd change that to his sister as well.

Yes, life insurance as well, you want to ensure that your DC will be financially OK and their guardians can provide for them without financial hardship.

how is it decided which family raises them

I discussed this with my sibling years ago. I made sibling promise they would take on my DC rather than our DM. They agreed, on the understanding that, If sibling died, I would raise their offspring rather than DM.sorry DM!
DH & I put it in writing and we both signed it.

Do you really have no assets at all OP? No life insurance ( even though you have children who are old enough to be at school ) ? No pensions or savings at all ? No car or property?

Have neither of you ever had a job? Don’t you think you should get one for the sake of your children ?

That is reality for many, many people, Double, including those who work.

Do you live in a bubble?

I would get life insurance and include a bequest in the will for the guardians. I would not want my dcs to be a financial burden on whoever looks after them as I want to avoid any knock on effect on how they are treated, having already lost their parents.

No I don’t live in a bubble. But I think that never having considered your children’s future is naive to say the least.

I agree with Double that life insurance is a must once you have children. It means that whatever happens, your surviving spouse or your children's guardian has some financial provision.

Life insurance is relatively cheap. If both parents die at once, it will be double the sum, assuming each are insured for equal amounts.

We calculated that we need to buy enough insurance to pay off the mortgage and provide for their life expenses till they are 18, should we pop our clogs in an untimely fashion.

Many employers offer death in service benefits or the occupational pension may come with life insurance. That is something to check with HR if you are in employment.

If you have no assets you need some life insurance. Someone has to pay for your funeral.

DBro is named in our wills. He is the person who will give them a childhood and life most like we would.

I started a thread about this a while ago.
We have no close family, and DP are too old. We struggle to find the right person for this, as our closest friends do not even live in the same country.
It really upsets me.