DH just called my dad 'fucking mental'

[bagelbaby]

My elderly dad lives with us. We've had problems with the boiler and my Dad has got a bit obsessive about why it's not working properly. So he keeps coming down from his part of the house and checking it. Earlier this evening I said gently to him that it was a bit obsessive and we'll get an expert in to fix it

DH has just got in from the pub. Comes into the lounge and declares that he's had enough of my dad walking into the utility room to check the boiler. He stays it's the fourth time today and it's fucking mental and weird.

I told him not to be so rude. I've left the room and come upstairs.
AIBU?

Well he's likely drunk

Might be time to start thinking about how you'll care for your dad at home if he becomes worse and your dh sounds unsupportive

It does sound bloody weird.

Couldn't get het up about this

Do you live in your dad's house or is he in yours? Was it a joint decision to live altogether, as am just wondering if DH has bubbling frustration if it's not been going swimmingly?

I know it's annoying but the outburst caught me by surprise. My dad can be tricky but he's i his 80's and for whatever reason is overthinking this issue

I’m a “fucking mental” person but I can’t take offence from this. Sometimes us mental people are a bit fucking mental! Your dads behaviour sounds irritating as hell.

Has your DF started getting like this over other things?

Is your DF meant to mainly stay in his part of the house?

Does your DH normally become a mean drunk or could this be due to the stresses of caring for your dad?

I mean, if my dad was living with us I'd be cutting my husband a TONNE of slack, i can't imagine that's any fun for him at all. Especially if your dad is hyperfixating on things that don't need to be obsessed over. Checking a boiler over and over again, when you've been told that someone is being hired to fix it, is kinda mental, and probably has given your DH the impression that your Dad doesn't trust him/you to take care of things like adults. After a pint or two I'd probably let my frustration get the better of me too.

You want an octogenarian tinkering with your boiler?

I'd go mental having him keep checking it too.

If my DH moved his elderly father into our house I would move out.

Sounds like a typical 80 yro tbh... nothing else on so can overthink an issue. Could be a mild pain in knee next, who knows. Seriously if you are looking after an oldie thr overthinking is normal... your dh needs to get used to it and chill. Good luck op

You're over reacting. He's living with your father who's being irritating, give him a break.

No he's not a mean drunk he's had two pints
Thanks for your views. They've been really helpful.

Yabu. A bit. That must be so annoying.

Sorry, did he call your df fucking mental to his face? If so, it's fucking rude and he needs to apologise.

Checking something if you're worried about it is an entirely normal behaviour - I bet your DH checks the score pretty often if his team are playing, for example, and we've all gone back to check we did lock the door at some point.

If the worst thing your df has done is go into the utility room four times in one day then your DH is well out of order. Is there more going on?

After a pint or two I'd probably let my frustration get the better of me too.

I dunno, I've got riotously pissed in the past and still managed not to verbally abuse my in-laws, fucking weird though they are.

Whose idea was it to live with your dad?

Checking the boiler several times for no reason is not normal behaviour. It would annoy me to. and if your husband has only had two pints and isn't drunk why mention he has been out. Are you mad about that.

Maybe your dad is concerned about the boiler giving you all carbon monoxide poisoning in your sleep. 80+ doesn't necessarily mean bat shit crazy and incompetent.
That said, living with ILs can do your head in so if your dh said it to you and not to your dad, I'd cut him a bit of slack. But I would discuss with DH that he ought to be a bit more patient as your dad is only going to get older!
Regardless of whose idea living together was, presumably DH agreed and therefore has to be compassionate.

That's exactly what my mum would do, and it would drive ME mental, let alone my DH if she happened to be living with us (God please no!).

I'm with your DH in the sense that he will need some release and a space to speak up his frustrations. However, I am with you in that he is your dad, and you will be hurt by it. Does your DH have a good friend he can rant to?

In fairness it sounds like he called the behaviour mental, not your dad mental!

Sorry op, but your dads fussing and creating drama from a non-thing would piss me off. I'm a very 'prickly' person though, so a lot pisses me off!

Maybe try injecting a bit of humour into it, not taking the obvious mick out of your dad, but a subtle 'here we go again' joking about the situation..?

Is this part of a pattern with your dad? You said he can be 'tricky'. How much care or help does he usually need from you?

Cut your husband some slack, it sounds like a moment of understandable frustration.

Letting off steam to each other is absolutely crucial when dealing with elderly parents.

Is your husband normally so rude? If my OH said that I'd know he was really angry - but for some people it's an expression they use all the time and therefore pretty meaningless.

Living with relatives is hard and an occasional complaint is to be expected.