DH just called my dad 'fucking mental'

[bagelbaby]

My elderly dad lives with us. We've had problems with the boiler and my Dad has got a bit obsessive about why it's not working properly. So he keeps coming down from his part of the house and checking it. Earlier this evening I said gently to him that it was a bit obsessive and we'll get an expert in to fix it

DH has just got in from the pub. Comes into the lounge and declares that he's had enough of my dad walking into the utility room to check the boiler. He stays it's the fourth time today and it's fucking mental and weird.

I told him not to be so rude. I've left the room and come upstairs.
AIBU?

Drama over nothing.
If he'd got up in to your elderly father's face and screamed that at him, it'd be another matter.
But he's allowed to have an opinion over something that would also annoy the shit out of a lot of other people.

You're over reacting. He's living with your father who's being irritating, give him a break
Yes. If he'd said it to your dad's face, it'd be different. But of course he's allowed a very brief rant in his own home (which he has to share with a "tricky" FIL)

How is your father normally

Dmil took to obsessing over her boiler.

It was the first signs of Dementia
Dbil lived with her for a while and even got the boiler replaced.

Then she attacked the boiler fitters because she thought they were spies coming to poison them all.

If he said it to your dad's face - YANBU

if he's drunk and expressing is frustration badly - YABU

We had DPs mother living with us for a year, due to her ongoing mental health issues, she can't live on her own. To be blunt, it was fucking depressing and she's now in a care home. I think it's worth discussing it your DH is happy with the current setup.

You expect a lot

Is your dad 'tricky and overthinking' or starting to have memory issues?

Also, if I lived with my ILs I think from time to time, I'd call them fucking mental. Actually I do call them fucking mental, and I don't live with them

I'd cut your DH some slack and think about whether your DF needs a trip to the GP.

If he didn’t say it to his face, I don’t see the problem honestly.

I'm also struggling to see the issue here. It likely is quite annoying.

I'm getting you're just very protective of your father?

It’s a horrible thing to say about your father and an elderly man.

.

There will likely come a point when you and DH can't or won't care for your "tricky" dad. Have you a plan?

What is your dad checking for? What does he expect to see at the boiler?

I’m guessing your DH doesn’t usually swear and say things like this for you to be so shocked. I thought you were going to say he yelled it at your DF. Your DH should be able to let off steam. You need to cut him some slack the next few years are going to be rocky

A doddering 80+ year old checking the boiler day and night when they lack the skills to diagnose or fix any problem would drive me mad too.

Like a child who thinks they know it all about something and interferes and you have to tell them finally to leave it the hell alone.

Better make sure he isn't tinkering with it lest he leaves you with no hot water or heating.

I understand your husbands frustration tbh. It is his home.

Make sure your dad isn't actually fiddling with the boiler. That may be why it's not working properly.

It can get really tense living with parents. Tbh, your dh is probably finding it difficult, especially if your dad is being annoying.

I would also say, it could be a sign of dementia. Repetitive, obsessive behaviour over a certain thing can be a sign. My grandmother used to constantly walk to the front door, open it, look out and then close it (although she usually left the front door wide open!).