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Original poster

My friend says i look down on her. AIBU?

32 replies

Killerqueen11 · 15/02/2020 15:04

Ok so my bestie is 45, a smoker, frequent drinker, hates water and doesn't exercise. She makes fun of me for exercising, drinking 2 litres of water a day and eating fairly healthy. She literally rolls her eyes at me. So now she's a bit off-ish because 2 weeks ago we had lunch and i asked 'how on earth can you say you're healthy and fit with your lifestyle?' . She told me to back the fuck off, and to stop looking down on her for smoking and not liking water.she also said that she's genetically very lucky. She hasn't really spoken to me since. So im just curious. Because I'd love to 'get away' with some of these things and still feel good. Ha ha. Could she be telling the truth or is her version of feeling healthy and fit just relative perhaps?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 15/02/2020 15:10

She sounds defensive.

Dozer · 15/02/2020 15:13

Your comment was rude. Have you commented before on her habits? Sounds like it.

CalleighDoodle · 15/02/2020 15:13

Slim doesnt mean healthy. She might be mixing that up.

You were rude. Ive been ruder Grin so that’s not a criticism.

But do you mention your lifestyle a bit?

Louisaweezer · 15/02/2020 15:13

YANBU to think it but YABU to say it to her

Dozer · 15/02/2020 15:13

She is similarly rude for commenting on YOUR choices.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2020 15:15

What was said before you said that?

NoSauce · 15/02/2020 15:15

The friend makes fun of the OP. That’s rude.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/02/2020 15:16

Rude! Both of you!

Sally872 · 15/02/2020 15:19

There is no reason to comment unless she believes smoking/drinking/little water etc are healthy and you need to let her know. As she is an adult leave her be. I would be annoyed if I felt a friend was judging me (and you were judging not hoping for a magic way to be unhealthy yet feel great)

Chesntoots · 15/02/2020 16:47

When you said she hates water I thought you meant she was a shower dodger!

Anyway, I think she is defensive because she knows you are right about her lifestyle. Lucky genes will only get you so far.

SecondRow · 15/02/2020 16:52

Well, is she fit and healthy?

If her lifestyle is not causing her any problems then what's the problem? Of course she may be storing them up for the future but then again, some people do seem to get away with it, so good luck to her Wine

Okbutno · 15/02/2020 16:54

You sound judgy and your comment was very rude. I would no way want a friend who was evidently thinking about my habits constantly.

PixieRabbit · 15/02/2020 17:22

Do you think your friendship might have ambled its course?

I too have a very “rolly-eyed” bezzie. Her “contempt” face is really quite something, and I’ve been on the receiving end of it, many times.

If I call her out on anything she immediately bursts into tears.

I wonder if your friendship is similar? Do you have low self-esteem?

Do you think she takes the piss out of you and your habits to feel better about herself?

adaline · 15/02/2020 17:38

So now she's a bit off-ish because 2 weeks ago we had lunch and i asked 'how on earth can you say you're healthy and fit with your lifestyle?'

Why on earth would you say that?

oldfashionedtastingtea · 15/02/2020 17:40

Did she ask you about her health and fitness or is it something that you like to comment on out of nowhere?

TipseyTorvey · 15/02/2020 17:53

Did you used to be similar to her in terms of lifestyle and then became healthy? Years ago when I gave up smoking I had some unpleasant comments from smoker friends such as 'you'll never succeed' and 'you won't be invited out with us anymore if you get all preachy'. Perhaps she feels judged a bit?

Original poster
Killerqueen11 · 15/02/2020 19:03

Yes she makes fun of me all the time!

OP posts:
Original poster
Killerqueen11 · 15/02/2020 19:04

So i guess its OK for her to poke fun at my health habits but i can't ask her 1 question? Really?

OP posts:
Original poster
Killerqueen11 · 15/02/2020 19:05

@PixieRabbit why would i have self esteem issues?

OP posts:
Original poster
Killerqueen11 · 15/02/2020 19:07

@TipseyTorvey Good for you for giving up smoking. I definitely don't judge her. My father was only 62 when he died of lung cancer so maybe i get preachy when it comes to loved ones who smoke. But I'll stop

OP posts:
Original poster
Killerqueen11 · 15/02/2020 19:11

Thank you @NoSauce

OP posts:
PixieRabbit · 15/02/2020 19:13

Because it sounds like she’s not all that nice to you.

MelbaToast · 15/02/2020 19:15

It's her insecurity that is driving her to behave this way. I understand that it's difficult to take the higher ground but may be you should have just called it a day on the friendship before you got to that point. I've been in friendships like this before and the reality is that it's just not worth it.

Okbutno · 15/02/2020 19:25

It doesn't sound like you want to change being judgemental or can accept you're being judgemental so I think the friendship has run its course.

Willow2017 · 15/02/2020 19:30

Double standards here.
Its ok for her friend to constantly criticise op but not for op to ask one question?
Stuff that.
If she cant take it she shouldnt be dishing it out.