Can I ask a question about dying and symptoms

[StealthPolarBear]

I dont want to upset anyone.
My grandad has heart failure and dementia. He's deteriorating. However his dementia has always been the slight confusion type rather than anything more perplexing (my grandma had paranoia, hallucinations, the works). While his condition is well managed he's still walking (and whistling).
However I read another thread which linked to a list of signs death will be soon.
One is sleeping a lot. He does do this and spends a lot of his time in bed, confusing dsy and night. But he isn't bed ridden.
Talking about going home and dead relatives. He's started doing this in the last week or so whereas before he was very clear who was alive and who was dead and where he lived.
When I read about those symptoms I'd assumed they were in someone who was bedridden and possibly drifting in and out of consciousness, but a few things in the list rang alarm bells. Is it likely the end is near when he's sometimes OK?
Sorry if this upsets or offends anyone. Sorry for rambling.

Thanks everyone, and no apologies necessary, we've all done it.
And I think the main message which has come through clearly from most people were that his symptoms six weeks ago were 'just' those of a patient with dementia iyswim. I think it was the talking about dead relatives which made me concerned. But looking back at that point he was reasonably healthy and stable, and his deterioration was down to a chest infection and a couple of other things that came on suddenly.
As I have probably mentioned (not rtft ;)) his wife had dementia for years but she was much younger and her dementia (we think alzheimers) was very different, anger, paranoia, violence, despair. He was just a bit confused at times.

Stealth it’s no comfort right now to you I’m sure, we lost my dad in his sleep too - he was suffering from dementia as well and had months of being ok and rapid deterioration/confusion.

The one thing the family agree upon is that this current virus would have killed him. Whether he caught it or because the confusion around it or concern for all of his dc and their livelihoods. We take great solace in a kind death to him. I won’t lie fucking awful for us but a good, kind way for him. I’d much prefer he was still here.

*and this virus was a bad nightmare.

I miss his wisdom and kindness from before dementia took residence.

I'm sorry Wordofwarning
On the assumption my grandad was going to go at some point in the next six months, which I think it an almost certainty, I'm glad it was now. His condition and isolation was a huge stress for my mum and to hear second hand about his deterioration without being able to see and reassure him would have devestated her.

My grandad had little wisdom :) but lots of kindness and humour. My one regret is he never got to see his new great grandchild. Right up to the end he was asking about the baby. He died on my cousin's due date.

I worked in care for many years and have witnessed many people on their death bed. It is true that in the last few days, people sleep a lot but not in the sense that they sleep more but then get up and about. Someone on their death bed, will sleep almost continuously and wake for 5/10 minutes at a time. Sometimes when they wake, they will not be all there and appear confused. I have heard people talk about passed loved ones but again it’s when they wake for a few minutes.

It sounds to me like your grandpa has dementia that is progressing but I don’t think he sounds like he is getting close to death.

@StealthPolarBear whether my dad has wisdom or not he will always be the wisest person and the most knowledgeable to me .

I’m sorry for your loss at this time, your family sounds like it’s dealing with many things that corona has made more stressful.

By the way, I fully expect your cousins baby to arrive imminently now - a small reminder of happiness in a dark time.

In our darkest hour, our family who has been letting petty things distance us, pulled together and admitted and told each other how much we loved and cared. Sometimes good can come from sad.

I hope so

Glad to hear you family has resolved differences

For some reason I am now stressed about the funeral

Don’t be stressed about the funeral :)

To be honest, I don’t remember it. It’s a “formality” really. We focused upon a memorial service, perhaps consider this? For when this lockdown is finished? A true celebration of life. All the good bits and reasons you loved him.
X

I think we will have one, ASAP. I will go. I'm just worried about maintaining social distancing and seeing my mum upset.

I’m so sorry, much love to you

I know of someone similarly vulnerable in a care home who is talking more about packing suitcases planning on going home following changes to visiting regimes. They sense difference. They've had enough and would like to go home. Lets be honest we all would like to go back to a safe place right now. Sleeping a lot can be a stress response. Or just because it's so quiet in the mornings now and throughout the day. Might just be that. Hope he can rest and, let's hope, recouperate. Sending love. Very difficult xxx

So sorry for you. But for him, it seems, a good and peaceful death. Thinking of you and the rest of his loved ones.

Agree. Any longer and he would have suffered and suffered mostly alone.

@stealthpolarbear 💐

My late mum died several years ago of vascular dementia

She also had the classic confusing night and day, wandering & getting lost, short term memory loss
When she was still at home with me, she had at least one persistent delusion: she kept insisting she was in an identical flat, but not mine

She was still quite mobile for 3-4 years during this stage

She went on to have another 2 years with gradually reducing mobility and increasing confusion

• pp who said "winding down" described it well -

until she had a stroke and needed 24 hour care in a specialised nursing home

For her final 3 months or so, she was unable to talk, understand or recognise anything
She just faded away

From the very first subtle signs of mental deterioration in her late 80s to her death took about 7 years
I was wishing for the end after the first couple of years, out of deep sadness at what she was going through

Oh so sorry, iPad just burped up 2 pages

My sympathy for your loss 💐

I didn't know confusing day and night was a classic symptom, most of the staff in the care home seemed bemused!

I'm so sorry, Stealth