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Original poster

What bullshit have you told your DC today

31 replies

Namechanger20183110 · 14/02/2020 17:50

I told my 3.5 year old that my Nutella on toast was mud on toast which if he had a bite of, may release worms into his stomach.

That he couldn't go on the treadmill in the garage because there was a witch sitting in there (in my defence, the previous reason I'd given of "you will fall over and break your head open" didn't deter him)

OP posts:

stuffingball · 14/02/2020 17:54

Oh I've got nothing for today, but I really love threads like this!

I've been known to use the usual "it's spicy" for things like chocolate or something I don't want to share

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 14/02/2020 17:56

I told dd dinosaurs were not real

in my defences she is 25 and well aware of most of my lies :o

PhantomErik · 14/02/2020 18:04

DH will often tell the DC that what he is eating (& not wanting to share) is full of mushrooms & onions.

It's become a standard 'I'm not sharing' joke in our house as they quite like mushrooms & onions now

trianglular · 14/02/2020 18:12

I just pretended to be asleep when DD10 came up to see me! In my defence I'm in bed because I'm ill and I had just woken up.

pumpkinpie01 · 14/02/2020 21:53

Told ds6 that if he messed around at bedtime he would not be going anywhere tomorrow. Truth is DH is on nights so will be sleeping all day and staying in and trying to keep ds quiet is so stressful we will most definitely be going somewhere!

puds11 · 14/02/2020 21:55

Told my DD that all of the ‘stunts’ in Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle were performed by the actresses.

pastabest · 14/02/2020 22:03

That I had found some ice cream fairies in the pantry (where the freezer is) and they had told me that they wouldn't let me give the children any ice cream (Friday night treat) if the children didn't eat their tea first.

Then I milked it a bit and said that the ice cream fairies were terribly scared of children crying and whinging and would fly away in fright taking the ice cream with them if anyone whinged about their tea or cried about who got which plate etc.

Dunno where the inspiration came from but it bloody worked. I will pay for it tomorrow though when I have a two fairy hunting pre-schoolers trying to break into the pantry.

GoFiguire · 14/02/2020 22:04

MrsJBaptiste · 14/02/2020 22:05

I've just told DS1 year old that I'm sleeping in his brother's room tonight as I think the mattress is just so comfy. In reality, H and I are having problems, have just had a (whispered) argument and I've had to leave the room as just don't know what I want anymore ☹

Cremebrule · 14/02/2020 22:06

I can’t really lie to my 3 year old in a fun way so I’m a bit jealous. She has a relentless ability to question that takes all the fun away. Even Santa was a bit ropey this year as she asked so many questions about the mechanics, how he worked etc.

pumpkinpie01 · 14/02/2020 22:11

@MrsJBaptiste oh dear , hope you can get some time this weekend to have a good chat and think about what you want and need.

MySweetLittleTriffid · 14/02/2020 22:12

Blippi had gone to bed now so you can't watch him till tomorrow. Sometimes, Blippi also goes on holiday.

SeperatedSwans · 14/02/2020 22:15

I told DS age 5 that children who are naughty during half term (next week) have to go back to school 😂

Stormwhale · 14/02/2020 22:15

That I'm logging all my food on an app to make sure I'm getting enough vitamins. I dont want her to know that I'm trying to lose weight as she already worries about things like that age 6. I saw her sucking her tummy in the other day, trying to make herself thin and keeps talking about being skinny. I am currently 2 stone above my ideal weight so I need to diet, but I dont want her copying me.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 14/02/2020 22:15

Told DS1 at 8pm tonight that DGS aged 2 was fast asleep when in reality he was snuggled up to me on the sofa watching Pottery Throw Down on catch up (I'm babysitting him overnight).

MrsJBaptiste · 14/02/2020 22:17

Thanks pumpkin and sorry for bringing a lighthearted (hate that word) thread down a peg or two...

Cineraria · 14/02/2020 22:19

That all the monster pants, dada pants (trunk style ones) and Olaf pants were in the washing machine, so he would have to wear spaceship pants or go without.

That daddy was in the bathroom having a poo when he was out getting a takeaway as they would be upset he didn't take them in the car.

That Duggee was on holiday this week so there weren't any episodes available on iplayer.

That the chocolate cake was still hot from the oven and shouldn't be touched. It would only be cool after dinner.

graingers · 14/02/2020 22:20

That I was eating broccoli, when in fact I was devouring the ear off a teddy bear cake I made.

dippyeggsandham · 14/02/2020 22:20

@pastabest that’s genius! The ice cream fairies might be paying a visit to my house soon

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/02/2020 22:51

That I don't want to send them to school anymore than they don't want to go to school, but I have no choice, the government makes me. In my defence, it is a battle to get them to school most mornings. They moan and literally cry about going constantly and I'm all out of idea to try and make them feel better about going.

Baker1985 · 14/02/2020 22:53

Told dd 4 if she goes straight to sleep she can stay of school tmz. it worked snoring by 7.30. When little an ice cream man came round told her it was the veg man with carrots an broccoli 😂

PerpendicularVincent · 15/02/2020 03:42

That I have a direct phone line to his head teacher, and I have to call her and tell her if he's messing about instead of getting ready for school.

It worked, and it only took him 6 hours to get ready....

whinetime89 · 15/02/2020 04:06

I told mine that the park is shut today for maintenance. I also tell them that the beach shuts soon and we have to be packed and gone before the beach shutters arrive (when I want to leave and they don't)

Alicatz66 · 15/02/2020 08:35

@Baker1985 .. my kids are all grown up .. but the thought of the "veg man" is literally making me cry with laughter !! . We can all run out for steamed kale when we hear him !!

Camomila · 15/02/2020 09:19

Crembrule DS is similar, luckily he believes in fairys and Father Christmas and monsters etc but anything technical like how the light bulb works involves me having to google the real answer.

I've recently found out there's a kids you tube video about black holes. It's one of DSs favourites

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