What bullshit have you told your DC today

[Namechanger20183110]

I told my 3.5 year old that my Nutella on toast was mud on toast which if he had a bite of, may release worms into his stomach.

That he couldn't go on the treadmill in the garage because there was a witch sitting in there (in my defence, the previous reason I'd given of "you will fall over and break your head open" didn't deter him)

I've gone one further than the "naughty children have to go to school during half term" lie upthread, and said that the naughty children will be spending the week in the headteacher's office.

Just dropped DS at grandparents house which we do every week. Today he started to get clingy and asked if he can go back home with me. After much cajoling with reasonable reassurances, I had to pull out the "daddy's just rang to say there are lots of big spiders in the kitchen and he needs my help to catch them" line.

I feel so cruel, but needs must!!

One of my friends often used to "phone the police" when her DD was playing up, and would have a whole fake conversation about the police being in his car to come and take her to prison because she wasn't going to bed nicely/dropping litter/not tidying her trashed room.

I’ve told my DD’s that my special k salted caramel cake squares have cabbage and broccoli in them so they will stop asking if they can eat them

Telling my son "we have to get out of the swimming pool now because they are about to pull the plug out"! 😆

Only two people can date at a time and if you try third wheel the Queen will telephone you and tell you off.