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Original poster

Where is my rush of love?

49 replies

YicketyYackMamasBack · 14/02/2020 03:13

I keep hearing and reading about how when you first see your baby you get this amazing and overwhelming, immense rush of love and that you will have never felt love like it before.

I feel like I love DD and feel nothing but love for her (maybe a little frustration in the first week with the sleep deprivation).

But I never had a ‘rush’ of anything. Nothing was obvious if that makes sense.

I had a pretty traumatic end of pregnancy and c section which I was terrified of, so perhaps that’s played a part but I feel like I’m not normal for not getting this rushing overwhelming feeling.

I haven’t got PND, I love her, I know I love her. But I feel like it’s a totally normal amount of love of that makes sense.

I was totally expecting a rush of emotional love when she was born, when I didn’t get it I put it down to the trauma of the c section. But now 6 weeks on I feel like she’s always been here and we’re settled into our little family routine, the rush never came.. just normal love.

So it also leads me to ask if we’re putting to much pressure on new mothers to expect these feelings then feel guilty or abnormal for not feeling them?

Late night thoughts... Blush

OP posts:
Rosehip345 · 14/02/2020 03:18

I think it may be due to hormones in childbirth? Therefore could explain why you didn’t experience it?
I got it with DD1 but not with either of the others despite the fact that I love them just as much.

Rtmhwales · 14/02/2020 05:06

I never had it with DS, but didn't expect to. I'm not overly sentimental in general, rather calm and level headed (not sure that's the best way to describe it though..). So I kind of had a peak at him and then ..asked for a coffee. Was desperate for a coffee. 20 months on and it still hasn't come. I love the bones of him, he's the absolute best. But I don't get that mad rush everyone else seems to have had. That being said, he was also super early and it was a medical crisis at the time so maybe the scary/tough situations add to the lack of 'rush'?

Rtmhwales · 14/02/2020 05:08

Also I feel the exact same way you do. That he's always just 'been here'. I struggle to remember life before and after he was born. It just seems much of the sameness. So maybe it's a personality thing because many on these boards clearly remember the pre baby days. For what it's worth, I seem to have struggled the least with adjustment to baby in my friend group, which has been super helpful I'd say.

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Antenatal & postnatal Families
mynameiscalypso · 14/02/2020 05:09

I never had it - DS is 6 months now. I love him to bits but I've never had that rush of love. No guilt though - it's totally normal and I'd say it's 50.50 as to whether you do get it or not. It is no reflection on you, your relationship with your child or anything else!

NineSwans · 14/02/2020 05:38

I never had it. I think it’s largely mythical, and people report it because they think they are supposed to feel it. Love creeps up on most parents over months or more.

puds11 · 14/02/2020 05:43

I think it’s a crock of shit.

pippistrelle · 14/02/2020 05:48

No rush here either, more a sense of responsibility and care-taking, with love growing afterwards.

sittingonacornflake · 14/02/2020 05:49

Definitely no rush here. Relief he was out but no rush. I get surges of love most days now though. He's 2 and ace Grin

OccasionalNachos · 14/02/2020 05:52

I have a two week old DS & didn’t have this. Had a relieved ‘omg he’s here!’ moment when he popped out but yes, it feels like a normal amount of love, & not even that at first. DP asked me if I loved him at some point in the first day of his life, and I said I wasn’t sure! I am also not a sentimental personality so that may well play a part in it.

I think pregnancy & childbirth in the abstract will never be able to reflect the full range of experiences. You feel what you feel.

85notout · 14/02/2020 05:52

The rush of love is right out of novels, love builds up and up.

OvalCanvas · 14/02/2020 05:53

I felt it with my second child. The Labour and delivery were very positive and required no intervention, I'm guessing that's a huge part of it.

I didn't get it with my first or third. Both were induced with poor pain management , I felt ignored by staff and had high levels of anxiety. When those babies arrived I just felt relief that those negative experiences were over and that I was immediately more in control.

I love them all equally.

Aquarius1619 · 14/02/2020 05:57

Love, in my case, has built over time. There was no question that I have always loved my daughter, but it gets stronger every day! I don’t think you can always get the ‘rush’ when the birth situation is chaotic/high risk/filled with anxieties. It is unrealistic and a shame that it makes us question ourselves as to why we haven’t had that.
One thing I will say though is I did suffer from very bad PND but it never affected my bond with my daughter, it doesn’t always affect bonding (not suggesting you have it, but just so you’re aware).
Enjoy your baby OP!

NZlife · 14/02/2020 06:06

I don't think feeling that rush of love is as common as it's made out to be.
For me after around a year maybe 18 months I just kind of all of a sudden thought oh my god I love you more than I can comprehend. That's as close to a rush of love as I ever got.

kleew1 · 14/02/2020 06:13

I didn’t get it either. Because having a baby is such hard work too & really once they’re here you don’t have a choice as that’s it you’ve got them... however she’s now 2.5 and I honestly feel such love that I need to bite my lip at points (yes I’m a bit weird!!). Lol. It took me a good while!

somewhereovertherainbow2 · 14/02/2020 06:13

I had a traumatic birth, failed induction, failed epidural started pushing but she was back to back so had suction, forceps then emcs.

I felt like you, I didn't feel like she was mine, felt like it wouldn't matter if I was there or not, like you I knew I loved her but there wasn't a rush of love. As I got to know her though I totally fell in love!

She's 8 months now & I love her so much! Her personality... she's the funniest person I know Grin I miss her when I'm not with her... she's just perfect to me.

I feel sometimes it's definitely a case of, getting to know each other iyswim?? And I think it's completely normal.

Phrowzunn · 14/02/2020 06:15

I never got it and neither did my sister, I’ve got two and so does she. I had to have c-section with both mine and she had two natural births so I don’t think that’s it. We come from an extremely loving, sentimental and physically affectionate family so I don’t think that’s it either. Maybe some people do get it but between us my sister and I decided it was a load of nonsense haha! I’m not sure I ‘loved’ either of mine immediately. I felt protective of them straight away but I sort of fell in love with them over time. I think it just gets stronger and stronger and now with my 3 year old I get rushes of love that feel overwhelming sometimes.

Whatevah · 14/02/2020 06:15

I didn’t feel anything when I had my first. I remember the health visitor being in and chatting with her and I said I don’t love him yet, but I’m not worried, I k ow it will come. She said it was very honest and refreshing. I do think it’s very common.
I felt the rush with my other two instantly, it was as though the gates to those feelings were opened by DC1.

Blankiefan · 14/02/2020 06:18

I didn't have it either. On the day she was born, I mostly felt like she was a person I didn't know yet.

She's 6 now and a totally fab wee person who I love loads but it came on gradually.

misstiggiwinkle · 14/02/2020 06:18

I didn't get it with either of mine until they were toddlers. I adored them and certainly would have done anything to prevent harm coming to them but difficult births, feeding and sleep deprivation meant that I just felt numb for a long time. It came much later when they would hit a new mile stone or giggle and I felt like my heart would burst

Weffiepops · 14/02/2020 06:19

I didn't get a rush for my DD but immediately felt strong love for DS. DD has been hard work but now she's 13 I love her to bits. DS has been easy from day 1. Different strokes I guess ...

DDIJ · 14/02/2020 06:22

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Stringervest · 14/02/2020 06:24

I had a relatively straightforward and non traumatic vaginal delivery but no rush of love here either. DH had a rush of love instead but he's a different personality to me.

I'd say I felt fairly indifferent to her initially but it built up and up. She's 3 now and wildly unreasonable so the love I feel for her isn't the same kind as love as for a partner where you're generally nice to each other! But I adore her unconditionally, worship the ground she walks on and wouldn't send her back, ever.

About to have my second and interested to see if anything is different this time.

Original poster
YicketyYackMamasBack · 14/02/2020 06:26

Wow, and there I was thinking I was the only one!
I’ve also not been the type to be loudly sentimental.

I genuinely thought something was wrong with me but it sounds like it’s totally normal!

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 14/02/2020 06:27

I didn’t have a rush of love with DS.

Was surprised when I did with DD.

I think it sometimes happens and sometimes doesn’t

StuntCroissant · 14/02/2020 06:33

Clearly going against the grain but I definitely had it both times, it was very intense and actually made me quite anxious! But then I was lucky to have two very straightforward water births so perhaps that has something to do with it (lack of trauma)?

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