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Original poster

Where is my rush of love?

49 replies

YicketyYackMamasBack · 14/02/2020 03:13

I keep hearing and reading about how when you first see your baby you get this amazing and overwhelming, immense rush of love and that you will have never felt love like it before.

I feel like I love DD and feel nothing but love for her (maybe a little frustration in the first week with the sleep deprivation).

But I never had a ‘rush’ of anything. Nothing was obvious if that makes sense.

I had a pretty traumatic end of pregnancy and c section which I was terrified of, so perhaps that’s played a part but I feel like I’m not normal for not getting this rushing overwhelming feeling.

I haven’t got PND, I love her, I know I love her. But I feel like it’s a totally normal amount of love of that makes sense.

I was totally expecting a rush of emotional love when she was born, when I didn’t get it I put it down to the trauma of the c section. But now 6 weeks on I feel like she’s always been here and we’re settled into our little family routine, the rush never came.. just normal love.

So it also leads me to ask if we’re putting to much pressure on new mothers to expect these feelings then feel guilty or abnormal for not feeling them?

Late night thoughts...

OP posts:

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 14/02/2020 06:34

I felt exactly the way you did with my first. No rush of love...just love, but no overwhelming rushes. I kept looking for it but it never came.
It was quite a while after when I realised there was no rush because I loved her from when I saw that blue line, when I went shopping to buy her what she needed, when she kicked my ribs and when she kicked so hard I peed myself.
When she was born I could just put a face to the love I had.
By the time she was born, that love was already there.

When I had Dd 2 and 3 I knew there would be no rush.

I do have rushes of love now, when they do something funny, clever or cute. But it is nothing like the world closing in, and it is only me and DC in the world and everything around is blurry...that's just for the movies!

eyemask · 14/02/2020 06:34

I did get a rush with mine, but actually I think it's more common not to it. With DC1 I hadn't done much reading into immediately post birth etc so I wasn't expecting it and it took me by surprise.

Geneshish · 14/02/2020 06:36

C section too and also no rush. I think its totally normal. It's funny the types of love you have. When she was tiny I loved her in an sort of protective way because she was so small and defenseless. Now shes older I love her for the person she is.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Antenatal & postnatal Families

cobwebsoncornices · 14/02/2020 06:43

I never experienced. Nor did I experience the feeling that I had "always known them".
I remember watching some film or something whilst bf'ing DC1 when she was about 4mths old and someone raced into a road to rescue a pram and just thinking "I'm not sure I'd do that'.
Then it gradually built up over time - possibly as they became a bit more interactive & interesting.

Dozer · 14/02/2020 06:43

Our ante natal teacher told us this was a social pressure and v often doesn’t happen that way.

I had a C section too OP and didn’f get those feelings, but with the first one did get high from the anaesthesia, which quite enjoyed

DH did experience a huge hormone rush!

JustaScratch · 14/02/2020 06:48

No, I don't think I ever got that with DD either. It was more gradual. Definitely in the first few months I was more focused on the practical demands of having a baby and coping with how tired I was. I didn't even think about how I loved her until she was about six weeks, and that was after a very straightforward childbirth. Now she is 6yo and I'm absolutely crazy about her and adore her more than anything in the universe, so that's definitely made up for it!

megletthesecond · 14/02/2020 06:50

Never had it with either. Even though I very much loved them.
I tend to be highly anxious so I think all my stress hormones in those early days blocked out any rush of love hormones.

Llama01 · 14/02/2020 06:56

So finally I feel like I m not the only one ! My eldest is 31 yrs and youngest 21 with a few more in between and have felt guilty for as long as I ve been a mother and constantly doubted myself as I didn't feel a rush of love for any of them although always knew I loved them . Thank you everyone for your honesty xxx

MrsDilligaf · 14/02/2020 06:57

I fell in love with my DD in much the same way as I fell in love with DH, I was immediately smitten with her, I couldn't believe that I was so lucky and within a few weeks was totally in love with her.

In the main, the majority of my friends didn't feel it and so I think part of "The Rush" is social construct, and it certainly doesn't help the massive mum guilt we all get.

DaisyDaisydoo · 14/02/2020 06:59

I didn’t with my first- traumatic, cs. But I did with my second- planned cs, very chilled.

It definitely happens but does not have any impact on how much I love them both now. In fact, with my second I found it quite scary how overwhelming it was, in a way that was difficult to handle too.

sunnyshowers · 14/02/2020 07:04

Never had rushes of love as babies...but did absolutly love them.
As they got older i defiantly get tsunamis of love for them...i prefer kids to babies though.
Sometimes they just smile or tell a joke or hug each other and i just explode with love.
Probably because they re older and not as scary

doublebarrellednurse · 14/02/2020 07:07

I got it at around 7 months post partum with my son. It was a weird feeling that suddenly came over me in a totally random place and I just felt very peaceful at being a mum.

It doesn't happen for everyone it's not the same experience for everyone. It's ok however it goes x

Kittywampus · 14/02/2020 07:08

I have two DC, I didn't have the rush with my first but did with my second. The difference was that I'd had a traumatic birth with Dc1, and an easy one with dc2 (no drugs either which could make a difference?).

It has made no difference at all to how I feel about each of my children long term so please don't worry about that.

Whoopsmahoot · 14/02/2020 07:22

I’d bad pregnancy and emergency section. Never had a rush of love as described. What I did have was an immediate feeling of protectiveness, that I would kill anyone who hurt my baby and that I would die for him if necessary. A feeling that my heart would explode with love, the recognition of that came later.

SallyWD · 14/02/2020 07:25

I had it with my DC but only several weeks or months after birth. I loved them but felt the rush of love feeling only now and then.

user1493413286 · 14/02/2020 07:28

I didn’t get a “rush” but then I felt that I loved my DD before she was even born so when I held her for the first time it was more like oh here you are, the one I’ve loved for months. It’s different, simpler and much more than the love I have for anyone else though.

CeibaTree · 14/02/2020 07:50

I didn't have that rush of love with my first (born after a failed induction and an emergency c-section) but I did think 'oh it's you!' as if I'd known him my whole life. The overwhelming feeling of love for him came a couple of months later and he is 3 years old now and the absolute light of my life. Congratulations on your new baby OP :)

Nicecupofcoco · 14/02/2020 07:59

Hi op, just to say I didn't get it either! When speaking to a health visitor she told me not everyone does. I did have a really traumatic birth too, not c section, but still horrendous. I looked at ds and kept thinking I don't know if I love you as much as I'm supposed too! But it did grow, slowly, over weeks, and I love him so so much now. More than I could ever describe. Do chat to somebody if you are unsure though. Professionals are more understanding than you might think. (usually)

Babdoc · 14/02/2020 08:01

Me neither, OP. With my first I was just terribly anxious about the responsibility of looking after her. My second arrived almost dead and was rushed off to intensive care, expected to die. I deliberately tried to distance myself emotionally, to try and protect myself from the grief of probably losing her. Thankfully, she survived.
I grew to love both my DDs as I got to know them, and as their personalities developed - their was certainly no hormone rush or whatever at the start. They’re 29 and 30 now, and I adore them both to bits!

Kinsters · 14/02/2020 08:11

Totally normal. I didn't feel that rush of love but I do adore my daughter, she's six weeks on Monday. I feel like I always loved her but I didn't notice straight away if that makes sense.

Tableclothing · 14/02/2020 08:13

The Obs & Gynae psychology team I saw told me that 70% of women report ambivalent feelings towards their baby in the early days - the 'rush of love' is a thing, but only for a minority.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/02/2020 08:29

Out of my four kids I only got the rush with baby number 3. I was absolutely besotted with her. I can only describe it as the starry eyed “in love” feeling you get very early in a relationship.

The only difference I can think of is that I was in a very calm happy place mentally when I had DC3.

I absolutely love them all the same though.

Genuinegenius · 14/02/2020 08:55

This is an important thread. Human beings are individuals and there are expectations that we should act and react in the same way. But we don’t. I’ve harboured a slight concern that I’ve never felt this ‘rush’ of love. I remember a male acquaintance telling both myself and my partner how the moment of handing that baby to you will give you the greatest most enormous flood of love of the like you’ve never known and everything else pales into insignificance. But I just felt relief, concern and a fucking great sense of responsibility and surreal ness (plus exhaustion!) I love my children but love isn’t an identitkit feeling. People describe their feelings using the vocabulary they’re familiar with sometimes and ‘rush’ is used to just articulate many complex feelings. It’s an enormous pressure to conform. I imagine most people’s wedding days aren’t ‘the best day of their life’ either! Haven’t tested tested that theory myself

Minai · 14/02/2020 09:24

I didn’t get it with ds1. Very traumatic birth and didn’t bond for a few months. No rush of love more that it built gradually.

Ds2 I had it almost immediately. Very straightforward birth i think had something to do with it.

Love them both equally now. Don’t think it matters to be honest.

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