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Original poster

Anybody ask somebody other than their dad to give them away on wedding day?

80 replies

Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 17:16

Hi all, just as the title says really? My parents divorced when i was 6, and I've never been very close to my dad. We still keep in touch though and I see him 2/3 times a year, even though he only lives half an hour away! I feel he doesn't make much effort with his grand children either even though I've mentioned to him that I'd love to see him more and for him to spend more time with the kids. He is remarried, but always uses the excuse of being busy.
I get married later this year and would love my mum or perhaps one of my brothers to give me away, who I'm very close too! I just feel why should I ask my dad when he doesn't make much effort, and hasn't over the years, but I don't want to hurt his feelings either, would I be an awful daughter not to ask him? And ask my mum or one of my brothers instead? He will be at the wedding and don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think I'd feel much more comfortable with my mum by my side on the day.

OP posts:
SeaEagleFeather · 13/02/2020 17:18

Mum or brother is just fine.

I chose not to have anyone give me away, but there was a real option of a much older, much trusted male friend too.

Hope it's a lovely day for you :)

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 17:21

Thank you sea. Smile

OP posts:
grafittiartist · 13/02/2020 17:21

I didn't want to be given away- I don't belong to anyone.
But I walked up the aisle with my dad- I'd asked mum too, but it was a tiny church, so wouldn't have worked.
Last wedding I went to, bride had both parents either side.

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Weddings
dontticklethetoad · 13/02/2020 17:22

My dad had alzheimers and wouldn't have known who's wedding it was. I asked my friends dad to and he was thrilled to be asked. His only daughter had died young and I was very close to both, so it was lovely for everyone.

saraclara · 13/02/2020 17:22

You don't need anyone to walk you up the aisle. If you walk up by yourself (as my daughter did - my husband died a few years ago, and if she couldn't have him, she didn't want anyone*) then your father can't take offence in the same way that he might if someone else had 'his' role.

*initially that decision worried me - I thought it would be unutterably sad. But she almost bounded up the aisle to meet her fiance, with a huge smile on her face!

RachelTension · 13/02/2020 17:25

My big brother did. It was lovely.

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 17:27

Thanks all.
@saraclara I'm sorry about your husband, but I'm glad your daughter still had a big smile on her face as she met her fiance.

OP posts:
Maranello4 · 13/02/2020 17:28

My Mum, was too young to remember my father so was never going to be anyone else. My friends have also had their brothers and other friends walk them down the aisle. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with for the day.

WatchingFromTheWings · 13/02/2020 17:29

When I married the second time all 3 of my kids walked me up the aisle.

Randomdogbite · 13/02/2020 17:30

I asked my brother as I don’t get on well with my dad, he didn’t come and it was the beginning of the end for our relationship but that’s only made me happier he wasn’t there on the day to be honest.

parrotfashionista · 13/02/2020 17:30

Our family sounds very similar to yours OP. My sister asked my Mum to walk her down the aisle but it was a bit of a slap in the face for my dad and I could tell he was upset by it. I asked my Dad to walk me down the aisle when I got married and he was really pleased- I didn't regret it for a minute.

Thereshegoesagain · 13/02/2020 17:34

My brother walked me down the aisle. It was perfect and his speech was brilliant. I have no regrets on making that decision.

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 17:34

Thanks all. Yeah it's not that we don't get on, I just feel like we aren't close, on the odd occasion I do see him it's almost awkward small talk.
Im almost abit worried though he might just assume he's got the role anyway. So, will have to make a decision and drop it into conversation before hand.
Thanks for your input everyone!

OP posts:
TheMostHappy · 13/02/2020 17:35

My dad died when I was quite young so my mum seemed the obvious choice and it was perfect

GlamGiraffe · 13/02/2020 17:37

My 7 year old walked my along the aisle holding my hand and gave daddy a kiss when we reached him. It was lovely, really unusual and so special. Not so sure he would have been impressed if he thought he was giving me away though!

Ughmaybenot · 13/02/2020 17:39

Bit different as I haven’t seen my dad for nearly twelve years but I asked my brother. He was so proud to do it, and over the moon that I asked. He gave an amazing speech and I couldn’t have been happier.

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 17:40

@parrotfashionista oh god. That's what I don't want, to hurt his feelings.
I just keep thinking that I should go with my gut and walk down alone or ask somebody else, but then I feel so guilty. I've had years of him not making much effort and I do think that if he had given a bit more over the years then we wouldn't be in this situation now.

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 13/02/2020 17:42

Thing is tho lovey, it’s your day, and you’re not that close to him. Choose who you want, you won’t regret it x

SouthWestmom · 13/02/2020 17:42

What would be worse?

Like is it meaningful or just what people do?

If it's just to have that bit in there rather than a sense of moving from one family to another I'd ask your dad tbh. You could always ask your brother to make a speech as well.

Fifthtimelucky · 13/02/2020 17:43

Being 'given away' is an odd concept these days, I think, but I understand that it's a tradition and I'm sure fathers like doing it.

Given that you don't want your father, I wouldn't bother with it at all.

SouthWestmom · 13/02/2020 17:44

I think it's easier in a way if your father has died. My grandad gave me away and it heightened the sense of loss so was emotional but no one was around to be offended.

OTOH my step dd has a fairly hit and miss dad and I can see she would offend him but also not feel he was a natural choice.

SallyWD · 13/02/2020 17:45

Just don't be given away? I find it such a strange concept.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/02/2020 17:45

Second time around we walked down the aisle together. Despite having a lovely Dad if I was to do it again I'd do the same. If my Mam could walk I'd think about then both walking with me.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/02/2020 17:48

I think it would be lovely if your mum walked with you down the aisle. She's the one who has been there for you your whole life. If your dad wanted to be honoured on your wedding day perhaps he should have been a proper dad to you. Has he hurt your feelings by not trying with your children? Or with you?

Giroscoper · 13/02/2020 17:49

I had both my Mum and Dad walk me down the aisle. I didn't particularly like the who giveth this woman? bit but they replied we do. It felt like I had their blessing which was nice.

Just get your Mum to walk you down the aisle. Why should your Dad do it? He didn't raise you your Mum did.