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Original poster

Anybody ask somebody other than their dad to give them away on wedding day?

80 replies

Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 17:16

Hi all, just as the title says really? My parents divorced when i was 6, and I've never been very close to my dad. We still keep in touch though and I see him 2/3 times a year, even though he only lives half an hour away! I feel he doesn't make much effort with his grand children either even though I've mentioned to him that I'd love to see him more and for him to spend more time with the kids. He is remarried, but always uses the excuse of being busy.
I get married later this year and would love my mum or perhaps one of my brothers to give me away, who I'm very close too! I just feel why should I ask my dad when he doesn't make much effort, and hasn't over the years, but I don't want to hurt his feelings either, would I be an awful daughter not to ask him? And ask my mum or one of my brothers instead? He will be at the wedding and don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think I'd feel much more comfortable with my mum by my side on the day.

OP posts:
NanTheWiser · 13/02/2020 18:09

My parents were divorced, and my Mum wouldn't have my Dad at the wedding (which I fully understood, given the circs), so I asked my uncle, who was delighted to walk me down the aisle. This was my first wedding, way back in 1972, when times were a bit different.

AlCalavicci · 13/02/2020 18:16

My both my parents had died before I got married , my brother gave me away .
If if it hadn't been him I wouldn't of been able to have anyone

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 18:19

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal I wish he was there for us all abit more if I'm honest, my kids and also me, my two brothers and my sister. He seems to do the bare minimum really.
Im not really bothered about it being traditional, the whole giving away thing... I think I just want someone by my side. Grin

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Weddings
PortiaCastis · 13/02/2020 18:20

I'm getting married at Easter, my Dad is no longer with us so both my Mum and my adult dd are going to walk with me, this is the best way for us as no-one will get upset and as I'm nervous they'll both support me.
This will be second time round, Dad was still alive and did walk me first time round but sadly he died the next year

LuluJakey1 · 13/02/2020 18:21

My dad died before I met DH. No one gave me away. DH and I arrived together and walked in together.

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 18:23

Aw, so sorry about your dad @portiacastis.
Your wedding at Easter sounds lovely though, with your mum and dd by your side! Have an amazing day!

OP posts:
Bagofoldbones · 13/02/2020 18:24

Yes me. Similar situation. The funny thing was he actually assumed he would be walking me down the isle. Apparently he was really upset Hmm

I also used that point to tell him he wasn’t actually invited and I didn’t see the point of our relationship anymore. Sent him to him by text.

AvocadoAdvocate · 13/02/2020 18:25

My brother gave me away. He was nervous about it and wouldn't give a speech, but that wasn't a problem, he did a good job.

PortiaCastis · 13/02/2020 18:31

Thanks OP Flowers

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 18:33

@Bagofoldbones oh really? That's what I'm worried about, him assuming he's doing it without me asking. I don't get married until the end of the year, so alittle more time to think it through. Thanks for your input though!

OP posts:
Bluebelltulip · 13/02/2020 18:35

I wasn't given away but had my dad, mum and brother walk behind me down the aisle. My dad left when I was young and had minimal contact since but I knew if I didn't involve him then it would cause my nan upset ( who I am close to).

Hoolajerry · 13/02/2020 18:40

My FIL walked me down the aisle. I didn't invite my dad.

Itsagrandoldteam · 13/02/2020 18:43

Both of my parents died before I got married. I walked down the aisle with my husband.

MsJuniper · 13/02/2020 18:48

My mum did but I have very little contact with my father (although he did attend the wedding).

I was going to walk down alone but it felt a bit lonely. We thought of it less as giving away and more that she was there to accompany me.

Kanga83 · 13/02/2020 18:50

My step dad did as I'm n/c with my dad but I wish I'd had my mum do it. How old are your kids? Could you not have them give you away?

WineIsMyCarb · 13/02/2020 18:55

Mum gave me away, and my sister. It was lovely - it should be the mum giving the daughter away... a reward for going through labour really!

It was really special and wouldn't have had it any other way (2 fathers, both unsuitable!)

Mumof1andacat · 13/02/2020 18:56

My grandad gave my cousin away.my friend walked her self up the aisle and this summer my friends mum is giving her away.

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 19:05

@Kanga83 my oldest will be four! Maybe a bit young?
Thanks guys, lots of food for thought. Smile

OP posts:
WLmum · 13/02/2020 19:08

My mum gave me away. My dad has never been in my life, my mum did all the hard work of raising me, and we were so close. She was touched that I asked her and not a dry eye in the house during her speech. She died last year and it's a really special memory that she was with me on my wedding day.

Original poster
Nicecupofcoco · 13/02/2020 19:21

@WLmum aw how lovely, I'm so sorry you lost her last year. So nice you were so close to each other and she had a big part in your special day.

OP posts:
cornishclottedcream · 13/02/2020 19:53

My Mum and Dad had separated and it would have broken my Mum to have my Dad there. I asked my adored Grandfather to walk with me and he was so proud and pleased to be asked.
My husband and I left our reception at around 5 and went to see my Dad and his new partner and spent a couple of hours with him before leaving on honeymoon. The rest of the guests stayed on to have a party but we just wanted to be on our own and quietly chilled in a hotel 150 miles away. We have been married 32 years so it was definitely right for us.

1990shopefulftm · 13/02/2020 19:58

I walked down the aisle with DH, my dad died when I was young and I didn't want to upset anyone else by choosing someone else.

I figured we'd been together nearly 4 years, so marriage wasn't us starting life together as we already had a life together so i thought us walking down together was a nice idea from that aspect too.

latedecember1963 · 13/02/2020 22:52

My FiL walked me down the aisle, but he didn't give me away. My dad had died and my FiL had been really supportive of me. He had 3 sons so he was thrilled to have the opportunity. He didn't make a speech as that would have felt like he was taking dad's place which wasn't the intention.
Hope you have a wonderful day OP!

springrollover · 14/02/2020 01:06

I'm getting married later this year and it will be my mum and my adult daughter walking me. NC with my Dad for nearly 20 years, would never have him there anyway.
Added bonus my daughter will be 8 months pregnant so I shall have added bonus of my first grandchild walking me down aisle too. Feels very special to me

WhoDisNewPhone · 14/02/2020 02:46

I was estranged from my father and objected to the idea of being given away (no one's property, so I just had my sister walk with me as I felt too nervous on my own.

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