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Original poster

How do you end up having friends you have dinner parties with?

73 replies

Johnsonsfiat · 12/02/2020 17:00

Lots of people on here talk about 'my circle' and 'dinner parties.' I've never been to a dinner party, and I'm nearly 50. It's a mystery to be how they end up happening.
In my 20s, I socialised with work friends. That invced going out to drink.
In my 30s we moved city and I didn't know anyone until I had my daughter.
In my early 40s, I got to know mums and we did mum things and the occasional night out
Now, I know a couple of mums and my work friends. We arrange a night out now and then.
So how does dinner parties with my circle come about?

OP posts:

Thirtyrock39 · 12/02/2020 20:12

Op I get the feeling you're not so much asking if people still have dinner parties as asking how people would put together a group to invite round?
I've had phases in life where I've been part of a group of couples when it's really easy and relaxed to have people round for dinner but currently I would struggle to put more than one other couple together- without it being a potentially awkward mix. I do think at certain ages you don't tend to have a 'gang' as such. We used to get together with our neighbours and a mutual friend couple but both couples have since split up - also a few of my friends have moved over the last few years
Turning 40 (I'm now 43) I have found I've become a lot less socialable which is weird as we have more opportunities to go out but seemingly less people to meet up with.
I tend to have friends I see 1:1 rather than a group and many are single now
I'd be more likely to have a few female friends for a meal than a couples evening

HavelockVetinari · 12/02/2020 20:14

We invite friends round, and get invited in return! It's not a big deal - we don't do more than 2 courses plus cheese, and sometimes it's early evening to accommodate folk with kids, sometimes after DS goes to bed for child-free conversation. It's not difficult to start - just invite some friends over!

doodleygirl · 12/02/2020 20:48

Such odd attitudes about having friends round for dinner

We often have people round, whats not too like, food, wine and friends.

redeyetonowheregood · 12/02/2020 21:08

We have almost had a rush to the bottom with out friends, rather than out doing each other! When the children were little and I only worked part time I would make really lovely meals, as would they, but now children are older and I work full time with horrible commute we scale it back a lot...it is about spending time together now so pizzas or pasta bake with salad is asuch effort as any of us go to now!

CottonSock · 12/02/2020 21:11

I was asking dh this. Our parents used to dinner party all the time. But we live in a city and eating out is easier and cheap. So we do that instead

TheWordmeister · 12/02/2020 21:15

Our social life pretty much revolves around dinner parties, but we have just fallen into it over the years.

We invite friends, sometimes 4, sometimes 8 or 10 and sometimes it's really casual - a chilli or a curry and more often we'll do a 'nice' 4 course meal. My dh is a great cook and really enjoys it. Obviously, then you get invited back.

I absolutely love having a crowd of great mates, crowded around the kitchen table, drinking, laughing and enjoying great food.

OverByYer · 12/02/2020 21:17

I have a group of friends who started out as neighbours. Our children were friends. We started socialising at each other’s houses. Mainly barbecues or take away rather than more formal dinner parties

camelfinger · 12/02/2020 21:18

I think formal dinner parties are quite old fashioned nowadays. Like the one in About a Boy where Hugh Grant meets Rachel Weisz. I’ve never done that, where you sit next to randoms.

I reckon Jamie Oliver influenced the concept of informal get togethers, which I would like to do but don’t really have a gang for doing that, like a PP said. We occasionally cook for family or friends, doesn’t really feel like a party though.

fiorentina · 12/02/2020 21:58

I often invite groups of female friends over and cook. Or couples we know. It’s not over formal. We eat, drink and hopefully have a laugh. I enjoy hosting though and it’s nice to be invited back if they want to.
In summer it tends to be BBQs rather than dinner.

teapotter · 12/02/2020 22:18

We have home meals with friends a lot and I love it (not sure if you’d call them all dinner parties, the last one was fish fingers spontaneously tonight!). I think it helps to have friends of the whole family, not just the mums together and the men sitting awkwardly. For that you need a joint social circle. Most of our friends are families from church or school. I will have mum friends round during the day, but whole families only when my husband knows them too. Otherwise it’s just awkward. Do you have couples that you both get on with? Getting the whole family round for Sunday lunch and watching the football is a good way to start (although very stereotypical but it works for us).

lovelove9 · 12/02/2020 22:18

We don't do "dinner parties"".. we have friends over and order pizza and drink beer/wine while our kids run around and cause chaos. Nothing sophisticated about it lol. I would love to have a classy grown up party someday!

1981m · 12/02/2020 22:22

Oh god, yes, we never seem to be invited for dinner parties either. I hear loads of people having numerous drinks parties and dinner parties. We are always overlooked.

Craftycorvid · 12/02/2020 22:32

We sometimes have friends round for a meal but there is something terribly Alan Akebourne about dinner parties - with misunderstandings and drunk people getting off with each other’s wives. I think I sort of found myself participating in a very drunken one years ago - bloke seated opposite me kept trying to play footsie under the table whilst his wife looked on

Craftycorvid · 12/02/2020 22:33

Doh ‘Ayckbourn’. - spelling!

ooooohbetty · 12/02/2020 22:54

I don't know anyone who has dinner parties. I do have a friend who loves cooking and sometimes invites people round for food. It's not called a dinner party though. That'd be too pretentious.

theconstantinoplegardener · 12/02/2020 23:01

I am in the same situation, OP.

One thing that puts me off initiating dinner parties, is cocaine. I keep hearing about it coming out post pudding, in lieu of After Eights. Would I be expected to provide some if I hosted a dinner party? I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want any of my guests using it at my house either.

Shamazing · 12/02/2020 23:04

My posh friend has 'dinner parties'. They start off terribly civilised with people bringing bottles of expensive red that they don't really like and talk about 'where one will holiday this year' and end many hours later with the hostess singing into a pretend microphone and someone upside down behind the telly. They're a right laugh at her house. 🤣

ClashCityRocker · 13/02/2020 11:43

I can safely say that noone has said 'well, that was lovely, who fancies doing a few lines?' at any dinner party or meal with friends I have ever been to.

Who on earth were you thinking of inviting?!

sar302 · 13/02/2020 11:56

We don't have dinner parties, but we like a good group summer bbq. My husband and I were part of a group of friends before we got together, so had shared friends already. Then we've individually made friends as we've moved along, and their partners have made their way into the group.

We have a core group of friends that have lots in common and are all generally laid back people and have become friendly and easy in each other's company. And then other friends that we have separately, that wouldn't make it into the core gatherings really, as they're a bit different and wouldn't mesh well, or we don't know them well enough yet.

But really they've just built up through shared history and hanging around for 20 years!

SidsWife · 13/02/2020 11:59

I think it’s more to do if you’re friends as a couple. We always had dinner parties because my husband was also friends with my friends and their husbands. Friends who only I was friends with, we would usually go out I stead.

longearedbat · 13/02/2020 12:26

When I was in my 20s (in the 70s, so a long time ago), dinner parties were very much a 'thing'. I think a pp has hit it on the head in that, in those days, there weren't many places to eat out. They were very formal with black tie and long dresses combined with the best china, stilted conversation, and the ladies leaving the men to drink port. We were a bunch of right old fogeys! Thank god the formality has gone. If we are eating with friends now we nearly always go out as it is much more relaxing. If anyone comes round here it is very informal.
Dinner parties always make me think of either Hyacinth Bucket or Abigail's Party.
Op, just invite people round for something to eat and a giggle, don't call it a dinner party though!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/02/2020 12:38

Dinner party sounds formal ... we have friends round for curry/chilli/a roast if it’s a Sunday .... some old friends from our 20s, some school couples we met through kids when they started school ... they’re all adults now.

caperplips · 13/02/2020 13:05

We have people over for dinner very regularly and we love it! I like to cook and we love hanging out with friends. We get a lot of invitations back too and its always fun.

Sometimes we invite friends who don't know each other, if we think they would like each other. Sometimes it's old friends catching up.

We also go out regularly for dinner / drinks with friends.

I am late 40's and maintaining friendships is very important to me as it is the stuff of 'real life' and it is so easy to get swallowed up totally by work / kids / elderly parents etc and become a bit lost.

We're having 14 people over for drinks & food this weekend

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