Do you think you had brilliant parents? (No resentment). What did they do right?

[Showercurtain]

Wondering if we’re all doomed to resent our parents. (Therefore, one day, my kids will resent me!)

Is there anyone out there who DOESN’T resent their parents? Even in a tiny way?

If so, what did they do right?? Would like some tips

My resentments are NOT tiny, oh dear me no. However, most of it was caused by desire for the best outcomes, and the fact that they had a pre-war toolkit for child rearing absolves them of a lot. DF was utterly clueless, having raised by aunts and religious sadists. He meant well, and he never made the same mistake twice. DM: she taught me to think, cook, hit effectively and withstand things.

I don’t resent my parents for a second. My father was the most unconditionally loving, supportive, calm, fun parent you could imagine. My mother was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who I struggled to be around. But I know that I am better for having experienced both. I also know that resentment is a pretty pointless emotion. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my childhood, even if I am a bit sad about it sometimes. Whether your child feels resentment or not comes down to whether you teach them to take everything that they are given as an opportunity and a privilege rather than what you actually do. It’s a mindset.

I had a great childhood. My parents struggled financially but I always knew how loved I was.
If I couldn't have or do something I wanted, my parents always took the time to explain why. I never heard a "because I said so".
Doesn't sound like much but as a kid it's easier to deal with that resentment or disappointment.
We always found things to do regardless and always had so much fun, we laughed alot and we all (me, DSIS and parents) still get on like a house on fire and see each other often.
I'm very lucky. Very very lucky!

I had brilliant parents :) Not perfect by any measure, my mum had (still has) a temper and a complete lack of patience but was tempered by my saint of a father. I don't resent my parents at all, I had a wonderful childhood. All my memories are filled with doing cool stuff and going amazing places. All within the UK and never very expensive, our holidays every year were camping holidays mostly in Corfe but occasionally other places like the Peak District and Dartmoor. Just happy hazy memories of love

My mum was a primary school teacher when I was growing up, and was very good at relating to children and never once raised her voice. My dad worked early shifts so they were both always around and took it in turns to cook, clean etc. They took us out to parks and on walks most weekend, and we went on a nice holiday every summer. They were both lenient in terms of giving us independence from a young age and not setting bedtimes etc. Probably not how I would parent now but didn't do me any harm.

My mother drives me mad, as did my father at times. However they fled a civil war in their country and brought us up in the UK. They suffered a lot of hardship, especially my dad who was very political.

They had very little money and gave us a poor, serious, austere but incredibly loving and happy childhood. I am one of four, and the three of us that remain still love our mother despite her great ability to annoy us.

We are lucky, but then I do think that most children do love their parents.

Mine were fab. Wobbled abit in teen years as convinced my sister up to all sorts when she really wasn’t and we’re over strict for a while so going to try not to replicate that part

My parents were brilliant
both had hugely successful careers, and my mother in particular worked in a very male dominated field and excelled and is one of the most impressive women I have ever met. I am in awe of her and feel lucky to have her as my mother.

They also taught us life skills: we were all competent cooks by the time we went to secondary school, could budget, iron, do basic repairs on clothes etc.

My dad died in my late teens but now as an adult (all my siblings are late 20s) my mum is supportive, kind and involved without being intrusive or interfering.

My parents are brilliant, I think they just love us more than anything and we always felt that. They always played with us, listened to us, really made time for us but were not overbearing.
They always just let us be ourselves and make our own decisions and I felt like they really trusted us.

We were poor in terma of material stuff, but my parents really valued education, so we all did very well academically.
There was no money for Jackie magazine or TV, but they always found money to pay for anything related to studies - books, field trips, extra tutoring, subscriptions to magazines way beyond our level, more books.

My parents were (and still are) brilliant, despite divorcing under difficult circumstances when I was in my teens. Things that made them brilliant were:
Being reliable and consistent
Being fair
Making sure we knew they loved us
Teaching us skills like how to swim, ride a bike, cook
Making sure we always had suitable clothes, shoes, sanpro etc.
Making time to do things with us
Encouraging us to pursue activities that interested us, particularly creative stuff
Celebrating our successes and teaching us how to lose gracefully and cope with disappointments.

What mine did right -
Made me feel safe and loved (mostly)
Encouraged reading

What wasn’t so great -
Forced religion
Very old fashioned
Made me feel guilty for things that were not wrong or naughty (I really, really hope I don’t do this to my children) like for not wanting to wear the clothes they wanted me to wear for confirmation ceremony (the clothes were hideous) aged about 12; I still have a guilt complex today which makes things hard sometimes

Yes. Love, boundaries, time. We were not the centre of the universe, we were not spoiled but we knew we were loved. We were expected to behave, work hard at school and help around the house (not onerous, just helping with the dusting, keeping our rooms tidy, doing the washing up). We had a great childhood, lots of freedom, cheap but fun seaside summer holiday, days out with long walks, picnics with flasks of tea, time spent playing games, reading etc. Set us all up to be even tempered, content and well balanced adults .

I don't resent my parents at all, and I feel like I had a happy childhood. I definitely don't think they were perfect, and there's some things I think about now that were shocking and I'd never want to do with my own kids. Some of these I think were down to different times. Some down to their failings. But overwhelmingly I feel they did a decent job. I always felt loved, valued and listened to. I felt safe, I was always fed and clothed. They gave me quite a lot of freedom to make my own choices, and they were really fun people. If I came home filthy or with a coat ripped, I was never afraid of a telling off like some of my friends were. They let me play and explore. They grew up in the 60s and were very much liberal minded and tolerant and welcoming to all sorts of people. Not hippies, they were a bit straight laced and working class for that, but definitely more open minded than their own upbringing had been. Most of my memories of childhood involve being outside playing all day (I must have gone to school at some point), then evenings with my family eating tea, watching the news and my dad yelling about Thatcher. We used to talk a lot as a family.

My parents are fantastic. Loving, helpful, supportive and always have been. Obviously they have their faults (as we all do) but I realise that I am incredibly lucky. Literally can't think about losing either one of them for more than 2 seconds without crying like a baby. God help me when that time comes...

Not saying that mine are or were perfect, but they were very thoughtful. Still are. I didn't realise just how much until I went to university and then moved away from home, and I saw how friends' parents behaved. My parents have always been very generous with their time as well as their money. They have never been to visit me empty-handed. At university, my mum would come with bags of shopping, wine, homemade treats for the whole house, not just me. When I was flat sharing, they'd come with towels, bedding, niknaks, things to make it all more homely. When I bought my first flat, my dad would be decorating and doing repairs. My mum would be cleaning the windows, kitchen and bathroom. It has always been very all hands on deck. Very practical. Even now, a parcel will often turn up of something my mum has seen for me or the children and just had to buy it.

As well as that, they've always been supportive. Made me feel that I could do anything, despite a modest background. Tried to give me opportunities and then done loads to facilitate that.

They also included me in their day to day plans even when I was older. I felt welcome to be with them. They wanted me to be with them. I remember going on holiday with them when I was about 21. Contrast to my friend's parents at the time who never included her in any holiday plans after she turned 16, even though she'd have loved to have gone with them.

Now that I'm in my 40s, they don't ask anything of me. They don't place any burdens on me at all. We see each other every six weeks or so, even though we live 250 miles away, and speak on the phone every week. But they don't guilt me or pressure me into anything.

And they listen when I tell them things.

And everything was very stable at home.

My dad was a great parent.

He listened to us and genuinely took our opinions on board. He was interested in our lives. Took time to play board games etc with us.

It doesn't sound like much, but I think a lot of parents don't really listen to their children and take them seriously.

My parents did everything they could to do their best for us. They worked hard for us. We have lots of wonderful memories of outings, spending time with cousins, holidays.

They weren’t brilliant, they made mistakes! I was born tail end of the 60’s, child rearing was different back then. Mum had a look (that I’ve perfected over 30 years of nannying and I’m thankful for that!) and when she gave us that look, we knew that was enough, none of us knew what would happen if we kept on pressing!

They ran their own business with children aged 8, 6 and 2. One of whom was born with a congenital heart disease so they had a lot of pain and anguish when he was little, then they had to bury a child and try to hide their pain from the other children. (Last night mum watched the latest episode of Call the midwife, the baby died of a congenital heart disease, I hugged her while she sobbed)

My mum now has Motor Neurone Disease, she cannot talk, eat, walk, standing is getting harder for her. It’s shit to see her like this knowing there is nothing I can do to help her.

My dad has dementia and Alzheimer’s, it’s very early on at the moment but he struggles massively with mums diagnosis, the fact that he is not able to do the caring for her, feels he is no longer ‘the man of the house’ (to be fair, he was never the man of the house!! Mum definitely ruled the roost. He came home at the end of his first week as a married man and gave my mum his unopened wage packet, mum gave him 50p ‘pocket money’ and it has always been that way. He was a ‘new man’, long before the term was invented, he changed nappies, did night feeds, cooked, cleaned the house, took us all swimming every Sunday so mum could have a break.)

I wish I could do something to help them now but there is nothing.

In short, I love my parents, I wouldn’t change them for anything.

I gave my parents a tough time as a teenager but in adulthood I have so much appreciation for them. No matter how far I pushed them, I always deep down knew they had my back. I think that's given me a very deep sense of security and peace as an adult. If I can be just half the parents they were I can't go far wrong. Love them to bits.

My mum was brilliant raising us and she’s my best friend to this day, but I have no relationship with my Dad and haven’t for a long time so it’s a mixed bag!

I don't think my were brilliant, far from it. But my dad's guiding principle was "If you think education is expensive, you should see the price of ignorance" and they made their parenting and financial decisions accordingly.

MY folks are great. Young parents at end of the 60’s. Struggled financially but have such great memories. Mum always encouraged our independence, taught us both to cook, told us our family’s history (nothing momentous but instilled in me a love of social history).
There’s always been a lot of humour, lots and lots of laughing. I think is is vital!
They have always been there for me from teenage breakups to losing my first child.
I do wish they’d encouraged me a bit more academically though.
They are now amazing gps. Sadly my DF has terminal cancer and I have no idea how we’ll cope without him ☹️

My mum was kind, patient, caring, good at listening and was there for me whenever I needed it. She welcomed friends over and I remember we had some of my brothers friends with us for a few months when he fell out with his step dad.

My dad worked and was not really a hands on parent in terms of the practical stuff like school, cooking, cleaning etc but instilled in me a real love for learning especially history. We would just go for drives and chat. He took me on great trips. He also helped me find a career.

I might have been spoiled but I grew up to believe I was terrific and could do anything I put my mind to. Coupled with a shedload of benign neglect in teenage years as had new sibling with special needs meant I wasn't cossetted from reality. Winning combination really! I had a great childhood overall.

It's only now that I truly appreciate my parents.

My wonderful father died 10 years ago. Happy memories when very small of rides in the wheelbarrow, dog walks, helping at the allotment, trying to teach me long division (not so happy), taking me to dressage, jumping lessons, events, collecting from discos miles away. Hard working, not to be messed with too far, funny, generous, kind.

My mum, now 89, fiesty funny direct no nonsense loyal reliable occasionally the most irritating person you ever met, intelligent and deals with spam callers or anyone she suspects shreiking "Your a spam" and whacking the phone down!

They both had an ability, just like their parents, to make what in our world might seem like, small things very special ... looking at seedlings shoot, planting things, going on special outings, chestnuts on the fire and so on.