Do you think you had brilliant parents? (No resentment). What did they do right?

[Showercurtain]

Wondering if we’re all doomed to resent our parents. (Therefore, one day, my kids will resent me!)

Is there anyone out there who DOESN’T resent their parents? Even in a tiny way?

If so, what did they do right?? Would like some tips

My Dad always seemed amazing to me as a kid. He took me to cool places, we had amazing annual holidays and he always bought me anything I wanted. I also have smaller memories like playing card and board games with him, picking horses with him for the Grand National and sharing a box of malteasers in front of Saturday night TV.

When I turned 18 he stopped contacting me really, I still don’t know why. It’s like he washed his hands of me because I was an adult so he didn’t need to be a parent anymore. It upset me for years and I tried so hard to rekindle some sort of relationship with him. The more I’ve reflected on it, the more I’ve realised it was all kind of for show with him. If social media had been around, he’d have portrayed himself as the best Dad ever at the time and probably had a blog... He was a total Disney Dad and probably narcissistic.

When I was pregnant with my first, I remember hoping with all my heart that I could give my children the stable & secure upbringing that I had. It wasn’t a perfect childhood (what is?) but they were calm, patient, loving and overwhelmingly kind parents to us and never expected or asked us to be anything other than who we were (are).

My mum died five years ago and every day I try to have her superhuman patience with my two children as a sort of tribute to what she taught me.

Well, I dont resent my mum. I did as a teen and in my twenties, but I know now that although she was far from perfect, things were extremely fraught she tried her best at the time.

I do resent my dad, and I think my reason is because he just basically gave up on me and my sibling when he left my mum for OW, and adopted her children.

Mine were/are brilliant. I hope I manage to be as good as they were. The main thing I’ve identified that made them great is that they are very selfless and always genuinely wanted to do the right thing for us, genuinely took pleasure from watching us grow / achieve in a way that suited us (we’re all different) / enjoy ourselves etc.

Yes but I did not appreciate it till I was older. I love that my mum was a sahm and attending school events and stuff. I always liked that. My dad used to take us out bit my mum did majority. We had nice uk holidays and nice days out. They never forced me to eat food I don't enjoy and we're happy for me to try hard but enjoy life too. I miss being a child.

I have lovely parents, no resentment & never rebelled at all. I'm quite different to them (they're arty, self employed, follow your dream type) I opted to follow office based work & worked full time, before becoming a sahm & I like knowing how much & what date payday is (dh works full time).

I sometimes feel like they value being creative etc more than any other achievement but they're very encouraging of anything that we are keen on. I'm the least creative of the kids.

My siblings & I are all close to them (& each other).

They never seemed to compare us, no competition between siblings. Fair treatment. Always approachable, no judgement. Good at listening.

I have amazing parents. Always supportive (outwardly, some of my decisions must have been hard for them to accept). Fair. Strict. Loving. Worked hard and instilled that in me. We had money so we were a bit spoilt but never bratty and never took it for granted.
They created an extremely close family and I am forever grateful for that.

My Dad is selfless. He will do anything for anyone at the drop of a hat. He has a quick temper but a wicked sense of humour. He is a pushover when it comes to his daughters.

My Mum is a boss. Literally and metaphorically. She runs her own company and you know she is In Charge. But she is extremely well liked and respected. And that is a real fine balance that I hope to achieve.

My parents are abusive. My dad must be a psychopath, with a hint of sadism and my mum is a narcissist. I don't resent them, even though I probably should. They are damaged, limited people. I'm surprised that I survived my time with them. They are impossibly cruel. But everything they did, lead me to where I am now. I just feel sad for them. They are missing out on so much. I probably should hate them, but I feel nothing. Well maybe a little fear, but that's the abused child in me.

DerbyshireGirly wrote that she knew her parents had her back. An incident at nursery school at the age of three, I remember realising that my mum would never have my back. But it instilled a self reliance and independence in me. Which was beneficial to me. Although my dcs know that I will do anything for them and will take their side.

I had loving parents but had more in common with my DF - DM tended to never stop 'doing' just like my sibling whereas DF and I were more into 'being'.

When I was of an age to date, I set the bar by my DF - he was kind, funny, loving and reliable. I subsequently had to lower my bar significantly or I would never have dated anyone.

My parents were human: of course they didn't get everything right, but tbh as a parent who knows I am far from fallible, I don't think I'd find that very reassuring. I could never live up to that, so if they had been perfect, I'd think my dc would resent me for not being that.

So many things they did get right though:

they made all 4 of us feel equally loved- when my mother says that her answer to the question "which of your children do you love the most" is "whichever one I happen to be thinking of at the time"- at 56 I still believe her.

they made us realise that you can be fairly treated without measuring every little treat with a millimetre ruler to ensure nobody is getting anything you're not at any one particular moment

they were ENDLESSLY interested in life- still are, at 87. Interested in big things, like learning a whole new foreign language or saving up for 2 years to take us on the train to somewhere special at the other end of the continent- but equally willing to find interest in a bus ride into town

they were very good at making a joke out of adversity

they genuinely enjoyed spending time with us, even when it made life more exhausting

they had a great respect for privacy

though never afraid to parent, they also (at least my mother) had a great understanding of a child's need for dignity: she knew how to enforce discipline without humiliating

they let us grow up and become independent without having to feel guilty about it- it was a very painless transition

I absolutely loved my mum when I was younger ( maybe not when I was a teenager) and still now obviously!

She was really understanding, a good listener, would say "whatever makes you happy" about big decisions I had to make and was more focused on my happiness rather than me going to university or having a top career. She always stood up for me and had my back too. I was an absolute nightmare as a teenager (coming home in the early hours high as a kite and going out all the time) and I think she handled it really well. I used to love sitting on the sofa with her watching her telly or going food shopping with her.

She was a single parent and I was an only child so that might make a difference.

I bloody love my mum.

Really enjoying reading these! Some really heartwarming posts, some really heartbreaking.

They’re inspiring me to be a better mum!

Used to love going to my best friends house.

She had the best parents. They listened to her and engaged with her. They chatted and laughed, asked about her day and HEARD the answer and ACKNOWLEDGED it.

They never raised their voices at her but when they were disappointed they quietly sat her down and ‘just chatted’ openly about the hows and whys.

So calm, so accepting of her as a person. Not critical, not assuming, not negative. Just lovely.

I’m 41 and still have brilliant parents. Just the right amount of discipline, always felt loved and cherished.

We were quite poor until I was about 9, but never knew it. They even managed a good divorce and we were unaffected by it.

I am very lucky. I hope I don’t fuck it up for my DD

My parents weren't perfect but they were amazing. For the first couple of years my mum had bad anxiety so my dad took us places. She started getting better and has done over the years, she was still a great Mum and still is, she’s my best friend and that won’t change anytime soon. My parents split when I was 11 however we saw move of my dad than we had in the pervious couple of years. He used to take me scouts every week. Take my brother out, take us to work. So he wasn’t perfect near the end of my childhood days but her wernt a dick either. He’s got a new family of whom we get on great, see them several times a year. I don’t resent them at all, they did the best with what we had, we had a good childhood so that’s all that matters.

I had a wonderful mother. She was always so kind and loving.

It’s funny I do think that I had a hard childhood however it’s taken me until I’m older to realize it. My loving mother was also trying to please a lot of other people in her life and we were background, and benignly neglected. She also smacked me and lost her temper, etc. But honestly I do still feel very lucky with her as a person.

My father was also fun and interesting and I loved him. However I find myself less forgiving of his faults, as he definitely took the selfish route in life and didn’t parent.

Whereas my mum absolutely did her best, but just had a lot to juggle.