Steak and kidney pudding, boiled potatoes, gravy and peas. For extra authenticity, the pud must come out of a tin, as must the potatoes and Marrowfats. Tinned baby carrots for the win.
A salad with half a packet of crisps and a puddle of salad cream on the plate, next to the coleslaw. If you have celery, cut into sticks and spread soft cheese (or cheese spread - cheese and prawn if you're going for that 70s vibe or live near an IKEA) into the channel and ham has to be rolled with salad cream squirted into the middle.
Tinned tomatoes on thickly buttered toast with loads of pepper on top.
Tinned Mackerel in Tomato Sauce mashed onto thickly buttered toast and loads of pepper. Or tinned crab mixed with extra finely grated cheese to hide the crab taste make it go further.
Smoked Haddock, peas and a poached egg on top.
Fishpaste sandwiches.
A wonky doorstop of white split tin or farmhouse loaf with cold butter and a glass of gold top milk.
Prawn cocktail baguette (or jacket potato). Slice up tomato into prawn sized strips and mix in to make it go further. Use iceberg lettuce (for 'posh') or a standard round lettuce, dunked in water and then spun round at 20 miles a hour in a salad spinner.
Boiled egg sandwiches.
Warm ham and cheese quiche with salad.
A salad of round lettuce, medium tomatoes cut into wedges, diced cucumber and beetroot. Add horseradish or salad cream if you're being fancy and want it to taste of anything at all.
Tongue sandwiches. Corned beef, salad and Branston Pickle sandwiches. Tinned salmon and cucumber sandwiches.
Brains Faggots, extra gravy, mash and frozen veg.
Braised lambs' hearts stuffed with Paxo Sage & Onion, potatoes, gravy and carrots.
Chicken in Red Wine Cook-in sauce with boiled potatoes and mushrooms mixed into the sauce beforehand, so they shrink to fairy sized mushrooms.
Garlic mushrooms.
Mushrooms vinaigrette.
Scampi and chips. Way out of our price range now.
Jar of cockles in vinegar and tons of white pepper. Don't tend to be able to buy pints of winkles from a fish van on the way home anymore, though.
French bread pizza - but posh, because you've made it yourself with a piece of baguette, then spread tomato puree, grated cheddar, bits of ham, pineapple and diced red and green peppers over it.
A huge plate of sprats with nothing but several lemon wedges to get you through it.
Oxtail soup. Buy lump of oxtail, rinse under tap, shove in slow cooker with a stabbed Scotch Bonnet, spring onion and a sprig of Thyme. Leave for hours.
Gala Pie with salad.
Cheese, leek and potato pie - cheesy mash with added greenery.
Boiled ham with pease pudding and potatoes.
Cod with parsley sauce and frozen peas.
Waffles and fried eggs.
Chicken Kiev and either salad or boiled potatoes.
Waldorf salad. Celery, apples (Granny Smiths), walnuts and green grapes in mayonnaise. Best served with orange juice freshly squeezed.
What they NEED to do again are crispy pancakes. Cheese, ham and cheese or minced beef.