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Friendly or creepy

46 replies

ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 17:02

Name changed for this.

At work the other day we where in a situation meaning we where outside for about 2 hours. I didn’t have a coat but I was given a blanket. However there where times where I took it off. Every time I did so a colleague would come up to me and physically put it back over me and said something on the lines of “babe you need to wear this” bit weird but fair enough (the organisation probably can’t afford for me to be ill).

Anyway, at one point I took the blanket off and my Colleague came behind me put on the blanket and said “you’re so cold, I will warm you up” and started to massage my back. I felt really uncomfortable, but didn’t want to create a scene.

The weird thing is this person is usually really professional and considerate when working, so part of me thinks it didn’t come across how they intended it to. They have also been really good to me (in a professional way).

But I do work in an Industry where sexual harassment is ridiculously high. I feel scared to complain about it as the person is very senior and there would be too many problems at my current workplace as well as potentially damaging my career.

Any advice/ information that people could give me, thanks

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 11/02/2020 17:09

Are you sure you're not misinterpreting his intentions? After all, presumably this was happening in full view of everyone? If he's not known for harassment and doesn't do it again, I'd forget it tbh. If it happens again, you should say something (tactfully) to make it clear you're not happy.

MoltonSilver · 11/02/2020 17:13

Creepy.

Even the very first word, "babe", is inappropriate in a work setting.

ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 17:22

@Singlenotsingle I am hoping so. I will forget if not repeated. A lot of people where busy so where likely not looking. Thanks

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Viviene · 11/02/2020 17:37

Creepy.

ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 18:49

I am really nervous to be around them. I see them tomorrow (I work part time). glad to know I am not alone in thinking it’s a bit weird.

I feel that best case scenario, they generally were just trying to keep me warm and really did not get how creepy it came across. Middle case scenario, this is them (BADLY) trying to tell me that they are interested in me (although apparently they have a partner) as we are only 18 months apart in age. Worst case scenario they are a perv trying to exploit me through their power And I think because I’m young and autistic, I won’t catch on.

But I am really hoping it’s the first.

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ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 18:50

they think because I’m young...

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SnuggyBuggy · 11/02/2020 18:50

I can't get past the word babe

Greenglassteacup · 11/02/2020 18:52

Is your colleague male?

Greenglassteacup · 11/02/2020 18:53

And you female?

ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 18:57

@SnuggyBuggy loads of people call me babe, and whilst it’s a bit cringe i’m kind of used to it. But I have not been called it in a workplace environment.

And yes it is a male

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ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 18:57

And yes I am female

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Greenglassteacup · 11/02/2020 19:03

A male in a senior position calling a less senior female colleague babe. He’s a creep

ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 19:23

That’s what I thought, and I am under the impression that he has a girlfriend and that they are engaged, which makes it creeper

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Ikora · 11/02/2020 20:10

Creep, if someone has touched me I would have told them to get off me. I did a couple of times with male colleagues. They were quite shocked as so used to women just putting up with it. Assume an emergency evacuation. Surprised you took it off if in UK as quite chilly.

Don’t fall in to the we have to be nice because we are women trap.

Inherdefence · 11/02/2020 20:29

Creepy. Be prepared to draw some very firm boundaries with him from now on.

ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 21:06

I know it sounds Week, but I am literally too scared to complain as this job is really important and is a massive stepping stone for my dream career and I really can’t afford to rock the boat, as scared I would be blacklisted.

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ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 21:10

@Ikora it wasn’t an evacuation, I was working outside but didn’t take it, as I Left it indoors and I didn’t have time to go back for it.

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ItsNotMyName5 · 11/02/2020 21:12

Plus we are not meant to wear a coat when working anyway, hence we are given blankets

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overnightangel · 11/02/2020 21:12

“Babe”
🤢🤮

Proudownerofplants · 12/02/2020 01:12

I wouldn't have liked being massaged by a male colleague and would have felt that it was my business whether I wanted to wear the blanket or not. So yes, I would have felt this was overstepping. His intentions aren't really the point.

Personally I would be firm in my boundaries with this man from now on. Also you could send yourself an email (or record in an electronic diary) of his behaviour today, just in case it escalates.

Crunchymum · 12/02/2020 06:22

He is a fucking creep.

What kind of industry are you in?

I can't understand that you are expected to work outside, at short notice without a coat?

ItsNotMyName5 · 12/02/2020 07:35

@Crunchymum I have just booked my first professional Acting job. and the film takes place in the summer holidays so we had to look warm.

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ItsNotMyName5 · 12/02/2020 07:36

What I mean is we couldn’t look like we where freezing in the middle of August

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Shockers · 12/02/2020 07:42

‘I’m sorry, I don’t like being touched.’

You’re not sorry of course, and you shouldn’t be, but it will help to soften the bluntness, if you’re worried about that.

whataballbag · 12/02/2020 07:43

Definitely creepy.

I work on a building site frequently and if any of the men on there called me babe or tried to 'massage' me I'd definitely be calling them out on it. Senior or not.

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