Is this burnout or am I just not cut out for nursing?

[Fullforcegale]

I’ve been working as a nurse for 2.5 years and sometimes I feel like I hate it with a passion. I find the lack of control over my day depressing as I am constantly on edge anticipating the next admission or time consuming emergency. Many of the patients are perfectly pleasant but it only takes one very anxious/rude/demanding patient to upset my day. I hate how some senior staff and doctors speak to us. I detest being made to feel incompetent because I don’t know something minor or they are in a bad mood.

I work in haematology/oncology and the patients often die but I rarely feel anything. A death in my shift is an inconvenience because I will have to wash the body and transport it down to the morgue. I wish patient’s wouldn’t cry when I’m there because I have nothing to offer them.

I really don’t know if I’m completely unsuited to the job or whether I’m just burned out or depressed. For all the negatives, the majority of the team are great and we look after one another. I just can’t seem to shake this feeling that I am wasting my life here.

Does your ward not have an associated sister day unit where you could be seconded for a while to see if you prefer it? The nurses in the haem/oncology ward my husband has been inpatient at often seem to pop up on his day unit too so I just wondered if that was a 'thing' that was available across hospitals.

If it's any consolation at all OP, as a family member frequenting a ward like yours, I'm in awe of you and your colleagues, your strength and your compassion. There is nothing harder than what me and my husband and my family have been through, it has torn our lives apart, and we have fallen apart on that ward time and time again and the nurses and doctors have picked me up and dusted me down more times than I can count. I'm sure they quietly roll their eyes at times, but it never shows. Thank you for what you do

@CharlotteMD perhaps it is you who is in the wrong job. Op is clearly suffering and was brave enough to come on here and be honest about how she feels. Telling her she’s “in the wrong job with that attitude” is judgemental and disapproving. Compassion fatigue and burnout is very well recognised. I often wonder about the ability of some HCP when they can’t even support each other.

@IheartNiles I couldn't agree more. The problem of the often toxic culture within the NHS is not going to get better unless the issues are acknowledged.

OP I made the move to ED nursing after ward nursing so can offer a little advice.

I hated ward nursing for all the reasons I listed in my previous post, but ive defo found my feet in Emergency nursing.

Some things I found of ED nursing which made it a worthwhile change;

• Its so different to ward nursing, 'majors' is the closest thing to a ward. Realistically patients can be there for up to 24hrs whilst waiting for a bed in the rest of the hospital, but it doesnt have the routine of a ward. Different areas though offer different things that you may find your feet in - Resus, Minors etc. In my trust we also have another area for mental health patients. Personally I love minor injuries. Its not just the mundane routine of ward nursing; one shift you could be in minors, another in resus. Dont get me wrong, its busy and patients just keep coming and coming, but the work itself is interesting.

• the career structure is much clearer I find. You can go through he traditional route, or you can choose the clinical specialist route of being a nurse practitioner and work with minor injuries. I felt like ward nursing was a bit of dead end and it was demoralising.

• Im not going to lie, you are expected to learn new skills/be quick/be able to cope/problem solve when the department is full to bursting. This in conjunction with learning the physical layout and practicalities of a new department I found tough, and it took me a few months to feel confident. Im not sure if this is what you'll struggle with considering what you're going through atm?

• 4 years in and I still google stuff on my phone. I dont think you ever 'know' everything.

I found it a really worthwhile move, but I know its not for everyone.

I think before you make a move you should contact occ health as others say, see what the plan is from that point of view, then afterwards look for a job in a different area.

OP, I think you’re incredibly brave posting this. As you’ve seen from some of the responses I don’t think anyone who isn’t or hasn’t been a nurse or doctor can understand what it’s like. We’re expected to be super-human, taking everything that’s thrown at us in our stride while still giving our all to others. And if our human frailty is exposed, people are very ready to judge and condemn.

My last job before I retired was in a lead role with a cancer charity. I loved the work but there were days when yet another patient walked through the door, distressed and needing support and I would think ‘oh God, just leave me alone. I’ve already spent hours with several patients today and I have nothing left to give?’ But of course, I went out there and got on with it.

We had a really good peer support system and my whole team were so supportive of each other. You need this and the ability to be open and frank with your colleagues and to admit to your struggles with no fear of judgement. I’m not sure how good this is in the NHS.

As others have said, it sounds as though a change of direction but still within nursing might be a good idea. Something where emotions aren’t so raw and the level of support required by patients and their families isn’t so great. It’s a pity that some on here are so lacking in empathy for a colleague who is struggling. Unfortunately we can’t all be perfect. I hope you’re able to get through this and find something that takes less of a toll on you. You are not a bad person.

I have worked for the NHS for 20 years and I think you need to find another role in a different sector or leave , because you are definitely in the wrong job with that attitude.

Well I hope you aren’t in a role that requires empathy CharlotteMD as you clearly have very little.

www.nursing.org/resources/nurse-burnout/

See if this article resonates, OP.

Hi OP, I hope you're feeling ok. Nursing is tough! I'm also only 2.5 years in and as tough as I know it is, I can't see myself doing anything else. I love being a nurse but I think it's sometimes hard to find the right area for you.
I was in ED which I loved but found it very mentally draining and as a result of poor management, cuts and lack of support, I found myself scared constantly of making a mistake due to pressures or that something would happen out of my control but it would be my fault 'on paper' iyswim. I'm now in a private clinic and love it! I'm so much more relaxed and definitely feel I've found my niche at least for now.
The beauty of nursing is it's so vast. You can go so many places with it and try so many different roles. You'll find something that suits better I do miss ED from time to time but my work/life balance and stress levels and general well-being are so much better now and it makes me remember why I wanted to do my training in the first place x

Charlotte MD.
I think the OpP shows a great deal of emotional intelligence and courage to post here.
She is under stress and recognises that she is coping but at a cost and it's not sustainable.
Maybe after 20 years part of your role could be to support nurses and help the to find their place not display the rather callous attitude as you did.

I’m a retired hospital doctor, and I sympathise entirely, OP.
It’s only possible to function well in these kinds of job if certain support mechanisms are in place - some personal, some systemic.
On the personal level, you need professional detachment, so you can be kind, practical and caring to your patients without being emotionally affected by them or taking their distress home with you at the end of a shift.
Secondly, you need some way to offload when you are stressed by your work. This might mean talking to a mentor, a counsellor, a senior colleague, a partner or a friend.
Third, you need to have some degree of control over your working environment, and to feel valued for what you contribute.
The NHS is beyond useless at doing this, in my experience. Staff are worked into the ground and the only feedback is complaints. Juniors, both nursing and medical, are often rushing from task to task, interrupted by phone calls, other patients, their relatives, and the relentless demands of the bureaucracy for more box ticking.
Try to at least value yourself, and to foster an atmosphere on your ward where you praise each other for good work. It can be infectious!
I recall once phoning a ward from theatre and asking for the charge nurse. He came to the phone sounding defensive and prickly - but when I told him I was just calling to praise him for sorting out a complex patient problem and to say thanks, he was very nearly in tears. I realised then that the only feedback the poor ward staff normally got was negative. This has to change.
As regards specifically dealing with dying patients - it helps if you have a religious faith. I have prayed with patients before now, and being able to see death as merely a progression to the next phase of life is much less depressing and draining than believing it is the end and that they will never see loved ones again. One’s priority as a nurse or doctor in terminal care is to provide a “good” death - calm, pain free and with dignity maintained, while supporting the grieving family. Doing this well is enormously satisfying, and in no way a failure of treatment.
I think you need a period of sick leave and some counselling, to give you time to decide where you would like to progress from here in your career, and to learn ways to support yourself emotionally.
My best wishes for a happy future whether in or out of nursing - I’m sure you will find your niche in time. God bless.

My job is to save lives. Lives that are on the very edge. Lives that will devastate a family if me and my team fail. There are occasions when we cannot and I never feel that is an inconvenience nor am I detached from it , especially if it is a child. I frequently have to support members of the clinical team who are equally upset. I also spend as much time with the family as is necessary. I am not annoyed, embarrassed or put off by their obvious distress. The essential qualification , in my opinion, is that you must care. If you don't or feel you cannot contributed , for what ever reason, then you need to find another role. There are plenty within the NHS. BUT front and centre is the needs of the patient and their family, not the staff.

@charlotteMD, thats great for you.

In what way would you help OP?

Because in both your posts you've either berated OP for being honest, or talked about yourself. You say you have a clinical team, so I assume you're in a senior position.

Id hate to be your subordinate, you sound so uncaring towards your staff. Thats part of the issue with the NHS.

'BUT front and centre is the needs of the patient and their family, not the staff.'

Yes, ok, however the staff are neither robots nor saints. Working in such relentlessly demanding conditions, with little support, will take its toll, whether you think it 'should' or not

Letsallscreamatthesistene The Op clearly talks about patients upsetting her day. Indifference to a patient's death (remember, this was another human being ) Patient's death being an inconvenience and irritation at patients who are clearly distressed, possibly very frightened and often in pain. Bottom line : You are in a caring profession so you need to care or are you saying that doesn't matter ?. My advice, as a senior HCP with 20 years service is to find another role because you are not suited to that one.

You need to find something else whether that's in nursing or not (and there are so many areas you can work in nursing)
I have been a childrens hospice nurse for 12 years and your attitude to the dying and deceased is frankly appalling for someone working in care.

Lottapianos don't I know it, I've been doing it for 20 years. But its about caring for people. However " irritated or inconvenienced you feel" you get to go home at the end of the shift. A patient suffering from cancer doesn't.

I have been a childrens hospice nurse for 12 years and your attitude to the dying and deceased is frankly appalling for someone working in care.

Another one with absolutely no understanding. Do you think OP feels like this on purpose?

I’ve been a qualified HCP for 30 years and in that time scientific advances have meant we are now keeping alive much sicker and patients with multiple serious conditions who need almost constant medical attention and intervention. This is demanding on family carers and HCPs and often we have no experience of what is going on with a patient because we have never seen it before. The stress of working in the NHS is real and great and OP is expressing a common feeling amongst us as much much more is demanded of us both physically and emotionally nowadays than when I first qualified. My coping strategy is I work in a good team where we can be honest with each other about how we feel about work and knowing I don’t have many more years until retirement

I think you could definitely be burnt out OP and you need time out to find yourself again.
I can fully understand this and it is soul destroying to have to work in an environment where there is so much stress coming from so many directions that you have no control over.

I think this is a big problem when you are dealing with people especially very sick people.

The fact that you are treated so badly by the Health Professionals who treat you like you're worthless and stupid just compounds the problems beyond any capacity to overcomes all these feelings of resentment.

Patients actually can see it/feel it..well I have. I have been on the receiving end of some really not good actions by nurses who don't/can't show they care.

I have also had some really caring nurses...you can spot the difference it's in the body language, eye contact(or lack of it).

It's actually very scary when you're in hospital as a patient because you have no idea how you're going to be treated by any of the health professionals....Nurses or Doctors etc.....I find this bit more scary than the actual procedures themselves.

My advice, as a senior HCP with 20 years service is to find another role because you are not suited to that one.

I don't think you sound very suited to a senior role when you are so unempathic and incapable of supporting staff. No wonder we are losing qualified nurses hand over fist in the NHS if the management style is so poor.

^ this with bells on

Thank you for all your helpful suggestions, I’m going to access some counselling to try and work out how I can cope better. This thread has helped me reflect upon why I chose oncology and I’m going to try and focus on that more. I don’t think I’m ready to give up on it just yet.
I’m not surprised that a ‘senior HCP’ is condemning me for how I feel. These are the same people who routinely belittle and demean more junior staff for not having the same knowledge and experience that they do. I do not lack common sense and neither did I struggle academically so I refuse to believe I am actually hopeless. It’s a shame really because hospitals could be a lot safer if people like you were more approachable.
I am surprised though that so many of you were willing to jump to my defence. I am going to be very mindful to give positive feedback and to my colleagues and particularly to new staff.

I think it’s burn out and this ward/ job is not for you.
Look for another nursing job. Might need to try a couple before finding the right one.

Look up the “tea and empathy” group on Facebook

Good to see you getting that self belief back.
Gather all the feedback you get from patients too.
Positive feedback to colleges is also good and it will come back to you too.Also be open about how you feel when upsetting things happen on the ward that way you also help to spot others feeling the same because you are not alone.
And when you're a senior HCP remember how this feels as you will be able to support others better than some others on this thread who seem to think that caring only goes as far as the patient not to other staff.
I am confident that you will come out of this bleak patch,a,little more resilient and with strategies to deal with these feeling in the future.
We need senior HCPs to support newer nurses to help them stay with n the profession not leave after a few years burnt out,and the same for students as so many drop out of training or don't join the register when they qualify.