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Original poster

My job makes me feel anxious, exhausted and burnt out. Anyone else?

79 replies

fillintheblanks · 10/02/2020 14:45

I work in higher education. My job is fairly well paid, fairly flexible and on good days I can tell myself I'm doing good (we train people to do an important role in society, won't say any more than that because it's outing).

I'm good at my job (I think) and I've worked my way up quickly to a senior role. I like most of my colleagues, but I am so exhausted and work emails make me anxious.

I've taken a sick day today because I was awake half the night feeling stressed about work and this morning I couldn't function and couldn't get out of bed. I'm actually still working though, and I've just checked my emails because I feel guilty and now I feel anxious all over again because of what's there.

I don't know what to do. I know I should probably look for something else but a) I feel I'd be letting people down and b) the thought of having to start over somewhere new seems overwhelming.

I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just so done with it all and find now enjoyment from work anymore.

I'm not even sure what I want from this thread! Anyone else feel like me?

OP posts:
pastaparadise · 10/02/2020 20:53

Yep - work in nhs mental health ironically. There's a very 'us and them' mentality sadly, so hard to tell anyone you're stressed as it would be looked on by my team as a personal problem.

Always worried about making mistakes but not enough time to be thorough

Stompythedinosaur · 10/02/2020 20:55

Also, I am bloody resilient! I get up, go to work and do my best each day, despite how fucking burnt out I feel. I stay late, I do extra work from home, I buy things for the kids at work from my own money.

I am within my rights to feel bad about the situation I (and my colleagues) are in, and my feelings aren't due to a lack in my personal resources.

Original poster
fillintheblanks · 10/02/2020 21:00

Infuriating isn't it, stompy? The idea that recognising that things are shit and having a perfectly reasonable response to that fact (ie becoming upset, frustrated, exhausted, fed up, wanting out) is somehow a failing.

It's not about fucking resilience. Or imposter syndrome. Or my self-esteem ffs. It's about being expected to function effectively and constantly achieve more with less, in a system that is broken.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 10/02/2020 21:07

fillin Very! Some people have no clue!

Wauden · 10/02/2020 21:08

How about doing some things 'just enough'? Ie, not trying to do everything perfectly at the same time as doing a good job?

purplepandas · 10/02/2020 21:09

Absolutely @fillintheblanks, the system is broken. The next set of upcoming strikes are not helping either. Causing stress today at work on all sides.

Monmonga · 10/02/2020 21:11

@fillintheblanks Good luck with finding a new path, I think HE sometimes makes you feel like your skills are only applicable to that sector but I think it really isn't true. Do not lose sight of your self worth!

Wauden · 10/02/2020 21:11

What I mean is, had anyone done that (doing 'just enough') and did it work?

I hope I don't cry in the office again tomorrow...

Boredbumhead · 10/02/2020 21:13

Yes. I am senior in HE too. I get all this. YANBU.

lifeonprivetdrive · 10/02/2020 21:14

Me, my workload is ludicrous, we can’t retain staff, public sector- I usually work an extra week in each month time wise - unpaid. I love my work but the personalities I report to are shockingly awful in the main.

I am hanging on just to be able to remortgage, few more months and then I am prepared to take a pay cut if I have to.

It causes me sleepless nights, anxiety and recently chest pains on two occasions. My GP suggested I took some time off but I didn‘t want to leave my colleagues in the lurch - looks daft written down! It definitely might come to that though.

Silenceisnotgolden · 10/02/2020 21:16

I love my students, but I hate the workplace politics, presumptions that everyone can wfh into the early hours and constant data.

It makes me so sad because teaching is all I have ever wanted to do, and now I feel like I don’t know anything about myself any more. I’m completely lost.

Stompythedinosaur · 10/02/2020 21:20

How about doing some things 'just enough'?

I agree with the idea, but I couldn't bring myself to do it to the kids I work with.

Original poster
fillintheblanks · 10/02/2020 21:29

I get what you're saying Wauden, but I can't see how it would work.

I don't really want to do less, I want the highly qualified, expert, thoughtful, dedicated job I currently do to be recognised and appreciated and valued.

And I want the NSS to not be another abusive shitshow this year

OP posts:
DateLoaf · 10/02/2020 21:32

Regina I thought your post was helpfully objective and it was insightful. I now recognise with hindsight that when I have gotten to the stage of hating my job, often there is something badly wrong in the management relationship and/or I’m just not a good fit for that job and it’s time to move on, or what you said about emotional needs changing or just not being met, is happening. Hard to see it at the time though.
I would say though that I’ve never managed to revive a love or like for a job once I’ve started to hate it. So I’d suggest applying for a few other things to get away from this job as quickly as possible and see what comes up. After that, then I’d do the important self awareness work of working out what emotionally drives me at work and so on, once in a new job.

gypsywater · 10/02/2020 22:05

@Stompythedinosaur I think this really is the nub of it in the helping professions. How are we meant to work less hard :(

bluejelly · 10/02/2020 22:23

Gosh that sounds tough. I'm sorry that so many of you are in this positionThanks
My top tips for when work gets too much:
Regular exercise
Working from home once a week to catch up
Turn off emails on Friday night and don't log on again until Monday
Spending time in nature
Meditation

I know these aren't long term solutions but they definitely help me in the short to medium term

Reginabambina · 10/02/2020 23:42

@Invisimamma well I for one find the financial dependency element by far the worst. The knowledge that everything could come tumbling down around me if I don’t do well makes it far more stressful than it otherwise would be. Otherwise it wouldn’t matter to me. The only reason that I need my job is the money. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fantastic learning opportunity, I find it enjoyable in a way etc but I don’t actually need it for any other reason. For other people it’s different they need their job because it gives them purpose or because it forms a part of their identity etc. One has to be honest about what really motivates the stress. And then let go. When I finally admitted to myself that I was scared and overcame the fear a lot of the stress evaporated. Obviously I’m still extremely busy at peak times etc but it’s normal healthy busy stress as opposed to full on overwhelming stress. The human mind can overcome most external experiences given the chance. I appreciate that it’s not comforting until you’ve actually done it, but confronting your internal issues is by far the most empowering thing you can do and it puts things like job stress into perspective.

@gypseywater noooo! Definitely not, I’d never do that ever. Full stop. I know full well that doing that is only for the most emotionally resilient people and I’ve got quite a few people who are due to die in the next few years and two children to raise so I know it’s outside of my capacity.

SeaViewBliss · 10/02/2020 23:51

I was in your position 18 months ago. Public sector, stressed and anxious. It was a job I aspired to my whole adult life and lived it for about the first 8 years.

I was lucky enough to find a role where my skills and experience are relevant but in a very low pressure environment. If this job hadn’t come along I’m certain I would have ended up on long term sick leave.

I hope something improves soon. It’s a shit position to be in.

SeaViewBliss · 10/02/2020 23:51

*loved it for the first 8 years

HandsOffMyLangCleg · 10/02/2020 23:53

I'm in education.
Lying here, heart pounding.

My Friday night, weekend and this evening were spent dealing with emergencies.

I don't even go out really of a weekend as I need it to recover. Colleague currently in her third month of sick leave for anxiety.

I'm just not sure what else to do and how to keep a roof over our heads in the meantime...

Oxo01 · 11/02/2020 00:48

I'm in adults social care worked for same company for many many years I enjoy the actual contact with clients and when I complete my assessments etc but the expectations are not acheivable any longer. Many staff work from home and continue to do work till 10 pm a D I Dr the week ends unpaid just to keep head above water. Most have between 40 - 50 cases ( should be around 26 for full timer)
I feel low, and have stress and anxiety night before work, when I wake up and whilst at work, the expectations and amount of cases are dangerous, the assessment forms can be 30 pages without having to make other referrals and deal with support planning, hospital discharges etc etc.
Over the last 2 years new managers have and continue to intmidate and bulliy some staff, we have a constant turnover of locum S/W who leave due to the load and managers attitude. I would not recommend to go into this field now. I am currently off sick since last week and don't know if I can face it anymore. I know I'm good at my job but it's getting so bad due to budget cuts lack of staff amount of referrals and mangers not fit for purpose who are on a power trip, any staff that challenge are sent to Coventry or disrespected / humiliated in front of the team but most are afraid to say anything as they want to keep there job.

Namenic · 11/02/2020 01:26

I was working in nhs but felt v stressed (I have an anxious personality too - which makes it worse). I looked for job ads when I felt down and plotted an escape route for 3 years. Actually seeing what jobs were out there helped me keep going because I knew there were alternatives. I found an unusual ad for on-the-job technical training (so I didn’t have to pay extra to re-train in a different field). Company has good policies and benefits, I enjoy my work and my salary increased (small increase in weekly working hours but much shorter commute). Look at jobs website to see what’s available (and low stress) and try and do some things that may help: book-keeping, IT/software,

Stabbitha1 · 11/02/2020 02:03

I dont know any employer that doesnt try to get you to do more for less or any role with contact with people that doesn't make you feel drained. I work in a different sector and what pps rings true, i'm thinking it must be the nature of being employed and dealing with people.

sheepdreams · 11/02/2020 07:56

Higher Education has changed radically over the last few years. I was in a similiar role to you OP.

Although there were elements of the job I loved the stress and hours needed to complete the work were relentless.

Constant restructuring, implementation of systems that did not work and ever increasing workload became the norm.

I worked with some amazing colleagues and fantastic students however, often the results of the NSS would reflect the ineffective systems that were introduced and academic staff had no control over. This brought NSS results down and academic staff blamed for this.

I left a job I once loved and dreamt about doing. I am still trying to get my confidence back! It's not you OP the systems dont work. There is a great Academics chat thread on mumsnet have a read of it. It assured me I was not the only one feeling like I was in academia.

Take care and I hope all works out for you.

Porpoises · 11/02/2020 08:22

All of you, quit if you can. Think about what else you'd be qualified for, talk to others on those roles and see if they are stressed out.

I felt like this, nausea in the mornings as the train pulled into work, panic at one more email, couldn't think straight or focus.

I began to realise that the way my company ran, this kind of stress would always happen. I also recognised that some people, who were less perfectionistic and more laid back about making mistakes or having conflict, could handle it fine. But that didn't mean it was a good role for me! And the solution wasn't to try to be more "resilient", but to find something that fit me.

I quit, traveled for a bit (luckily had some savings) and am now in a new role that's better paid and much less stressful. It still has its stresses and frustrations, but it's not making me feel panicky on a daily basis and destroying my health. Really glad that I at last took the leap and got out.