Me and my child’s father were in a relationship for 3 years. Completely toxic, involved a lot of manipulation and verbal abuse from him to me. It first ended when he assaulted me the first time which I have recorded on video. However shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant. We still never got back together and he abandoned me throughout the pregnancy, chose to get drunk and stoned with mates rather than want to contribute to buying all the necessary things for our soon to be born child. He even sent text messages telling me to abort the baby and threatened to kick my head in when I was 6 months pregnant. I allowed him into the room whilst our child was born, and for a few weeks afterwards it seemed like the birth had changed him. We slowly started to rebuild our relationship but his toxic traits started to creep back in. Couple months down the line he started with the verbal abuse again, calling me ugly, fat, my stretch marks were hideous and no one would ever love me. However he’d always blame this behaviour on his mental health and would bring up that he was going to kill himself if I left. The police were even called due to his threats of going to kill himself. I’ve received pictures of him cutting himself and messages followed saying he was doing it ‘for me’. He was not allowed around our child unless supervised following this behaviour all of which I have documented on text messages. He went to get help and few months later for a part our relationship continued until we were away for a weekend as a family, and he again got so drunk that he assaulted me whilst I was holding our child and again assaulted me in front of our child. I grabbed my child and fled away driving 3 hours home through the night with a swollen eye and blood coming from my face. I reported the assault to the police the next morning, they arrested him and he has now been charged with assault by beating. He, however, is denying doing it and so the case has got to go to trial at court. It has currently been 4 months since the assault happened, he hasn’t done anything to try and see our child, and I’ve been told by a health visitor not to allow him access until I get court papers through the door. His mum, our child’s paternal grandmother, is also a health visitor herself, and was seeing our child every other weekend and understood she was not to take our child near him. I’ve recently found out she broke that trust and so told her if she wished to see her grandchild she would do so with my supervision so I know he wouldn’t be anywhere near. I met our child’s paternal grandparents in a mutual place so they could see their grandchild for around 3 hours with no issues. I then a couple of days later received a text message from the paternal grandmother wanting to come and pick our child up without my being there, something I’d already explained couldn’t happen because she had broken the trust of that. Now I have received typed up letters from the paternal grandmother demanding I give her and my child’s father defined contact as no matter the outcome of his court hearing for the assault he still has equal parental responsibility. They demanded I let him see her twice a week and this be built up slowly and that I reply to the letter within 7 days or they are taking me to court. The first letter I received from his mum was about them all seeing my child but mainly about her seeing my child. The second letter didn’t mention them at all but rather everything that my child’s father has done such as “he has now got legal support” “he is progressing with a child arrangement order” “he is requesting for an immediate contact order” “he has completed the CAFCASS parenting plan progress summary” “he is committed to a CAFCASS officer being involved” and so on. Not only do I not want my child around her father that is violent, an alcoholic and takes illegal drugs regularly, but I’m a full time university student that works every other weekend and so want the time to see my child l, not to go to a dangerous environment at least twice a week and for it to be built up slowly. The paternal grandmother quotes a lot about CAFCASS in her letters. It’s just even more hurtful that she admitted her sons behaviour is disgusting and he needs supervised, and that immediately after the assault I said that if my child’s father goes and gets help for the drink, drugs and anger and I have proof of it I will allow you as my child’s paternal grandmother to take my child to see him and supervise him. And I never got anything. In fact he’s posted pictures out drinking many of times since. These letters have now come 4 months later since the paternal grandmothers access has been stopped. I’ve got a nursery report that shows that effect the assault had on my child at the time such as crying everytime a man entered the room.
Any help in regards to what he would be entitled to considering his behaviour and substance abuse would by greatly appreciated as I just want to keep my child safe.
Any information on anything extra I can get or fill out to show the court the effect his behaviour has caused would also be greatly appreciated, I’ve got the nursery report and the health visitor report that tells me not to allow him near until I get court papers so far.
Thankyou very much for any help