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Original poster

Work or not work, full time or part time???

40 replies

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 19:28

So my little man is 7 months old I'm having pressure from my work about going back in march my previous position was full time but they want me to do part time.
My partner is agency working at the moment which is very unreliable I cant deal with the stress.
I dont know what to do for the best whether to get a full time night job or to bot go back to work at all until little man starts pre school. I'm in a very hard position because the job I'm in I've worked to damn hard to get where I am today and my partner is no help? Really dont know what to do it's so difficult new we have a little man to think about. Any advice would be appreciated!

OP posts:

Percypigsear · 09/02/2020 19:29

I’d go part time. Better for you mentally/financially than not working but also full time work is not desirable now you have a baby!

skippetyskoo · 09/02/2020 19:30

Little man?

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:33

Why is your partner no help?

Original poster

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 19:37

He doesn't like serious conversations and says do what ever. I feel like hes not really trying to support us either, I know if I go back full time and let him look after our son it would be a mistake he doesn't worry enough about his routine.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 09/02/2020 19:41

I went back part time when my DD was 12 months; I’m glad I did as i worked hard to get my current position in my career and it gave me back my own sense of identity and was good for my self esteem

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:41

“Let him look after”?!!!! Does it really matter if the routine is different?

Original poster

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 19:46

Yes because he refers to it as baby sitting when he does spend one to one time with him. I worry about bottles being missed ect hes easily distracted, it could be me being over protective.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:49

So tell him it isn’t babysitting. I know men that call it “Daddo day care” and it bugs me but if you are wanting to work don’t have that stop you going back. It’s fine for kids to have different routines, my husband did it his way, not my way. They are adaptable.

If your partner has an unreliable job that’s all the more reason for you to go back.

AnotherEmma · 09/02/2020 19:51

Go back to work part time. Use childcare and get your partner to pay 50% of the cost of childcare. Or commit to being a SAHP on the days you work and doing a decent job of it.

Original poster

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 19:57

I think I've gotten a lot more anxious since having him. Things are very stressful at the moment we've just moved house and hes been told his hours are adhoc only but had 2 interviews lined up.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:59

You don’t need to go back in March, take the year however you will need to give it serious thought soon.

Original poster

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 20:05

They're pressuring me to go back in march I'm guessing the work loads picked up again.

OP posts:

MinesAPintOfTea · 09/02/2020 20:06

An unreliable partner, not married? There is quite a risk you'll be left in the lurch with a big CV gap and unable to find a job. IME it is much easier to negotiate flexible working when you already have the job.

And will your son's father really not think to feed him if he's crying? Not according strictly to the routine, not leave him hungry? Because if so, what I said about unreliable goes double!

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 20:08

They can’t pressure you to going back early.

waterbottle12 · 09/02/2020 20:08

If not married then stay full time

Littlepeak34 · 09/02/2020 20:09

Go back part time. You obviously don’t feel you can rely on him financially. Let him work too.

Send DC to nursery, use family. Work 3/4 days a week is a good balance of work/life balance in my opinion.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/02/2020 20:10

Go back to work. If your partner is rubbish then if you don't go back you could end up on benefits if you split up. I've been in that situation and it's awful.

Mixingitall · 09/02/2020 20:12

I would go back full time, whilst your partner has agency work. When your partner has more secure employment apply for part time hours. As a parent with a child under 5 you can apply for flexible working. I would also tell your employer that you are returning full time but if you find it hard you will put in an application for flexible working. Do not tell your employer your motivations.

Original poster

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 20:15

No not married, yet. They have said to me previously that I will have to take the hours they offer go full time or I get nothing.
My son is a nightmare will sleep through the whole night, will happily miss feeds without crying so its vital that they are regular in the day it's the polar opposite to my niece who will cry for a feed every hour or so!

OP posts:

VodselForDinner · 09/02/2020 20:15

Unmarried with a lousy boyfriend? I can’t see how you think you have any other option than to work full time, remain financially independent, and contribute to your pension?

Unless you’re completely independently wealthy and don’t every need to work?

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 20:17

So do the part time hours they are offering suit?

Zebrasinpyjamas · 09/02/2020 20:17

I'd go back full time but at 12 months . It's your legal right to have 12 mths.

Also it seems hard to imagine but your DC will be eating and sleeping so differently compared to now that the routine aspect might be easier. My 12 mo doesn't have any milk during the day (just 1st thing and at bedtime) and has one sleep. It all changes when they start childcare.

megletthesecond · 09/02/2020 20:19

Full time. Baby would probably have better care in nursery.
He doesn't sound like a reliable long term partner I'm afirad.

Original poster

Lunalilo · 09/02/2020 20:25

My partners great for the most part I think hes worried a lot lately it's a pretty scary situation hes in never been out of work really before now hes.trying to keep us fed.

I have got a question though by the time I pay for childcare would it be worth me going to work?

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 20:26

Did you not think about any of this before you had a child?

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