When you die how many people will go to your funeral?

[MelanieFrontage]

My dad died a few years ago and the crematorium was packed, there must have been about 100 people there.
I don’t know that many people, when I die I expect (hope) that perhaps 20 people will see me off.
Is that below average, above or ‘about right’

If I died right now I’d have a very big turn out as I have quite a few connections in the community. The large age gap between my dc means I have acquaintances from the youngest dc’s toddler and primary school parents as well as acquaintances I’ve known from when my oldest dc grew up. Work acquaintances and just lots of general community acquaintances. And of course family and a handful of good friends.

But as I age and withdraw from my work and community interactions in the future, which I can see happening as I’m an introvert, then this will number will drop as the years go by I’d imagine.

Probably about half a dozen. I've already stipulated in my will that I want the cheapest method of disposal possible and my brother knows I mean direct funeral.

I hate fuss of any kind and I will be dead so won't care. I would rather the money go to my nephews and brother than the funeral director.

If I died now probably quite a lot because of colleagues etc. However it’s a moot point I am having a direct cremation.

My step father had this a few months ago and I am so glad he chose that and made his wishes clear. I don’t think we could have coped with the stress of the funeral along with everything else.

One of my older colleagues at work went round making everyone promise they would go to her funeral...or come back and haunt them..

Depends on how old I am when I die. I was musing on this point recently - DGM always had a very wide social circle and lots of friends. If she'd died at 70, there probably would have been 100+. Now she's very, very elderly however, many of her friends are either already dead or would be too frail to travel to the funeral.

I think the thing with Irish funerals is that it's less to do with the person who has died than it is to do with the surviving relatives. So if I died now my mother's friends would go, she's very socially active and on the committee of various clubs so that would be a lot. My brother's friends. My husband's friends, colleagues, suppliers and clients would add up to a fair bit too. My DC are still at school so some of their friends might attend to support them. Obviously there would be people there who know me too but the majority would learn more about me from the service than they ever knew when I was alive.

No funeral here either. I have already specified a direct cremation.
A lot of close family and friends have died in the past few years. I have not found that their funerals created 'closure', I have just found them distressing. When you have sat with three different dying people, once they have gone, well, I just really wanted to forget all the pain and move on, not make polite conversation with their friends and acquaintances about how they died. Also I am a lifelong atheist, so when you're dead, that's it. There is nothing beyond.
The three family funerals I have arranged in the past few years also cost around 15k in total. Dying isn't cheap.

If like the church packed, I’d like flowers and some proper pew rocking hymns. If it blocks the traffic a bit too that’d be ok

No funeral for me either. I want to be cremated. I will leave money for my family and friends to have a get together to celebrate my life if they wish but no formal service thank you.

I think it depends on the age you die.
My lovely friend died age 63 and there were probably well more than a 100.
My much loved aunt died aged almost 92. I didn’t put it in the paper. Most of her friends had long gone. Some of the masons would’ve shown up to pay their respects but as I didn’t know them and as she had dementia for the last 6 years of her life none visited..so apart from my family, her next door neighbour and a few staff from the care home..there was only about a dozen of us..this was for a lady much loved and cared about through her lifetime before dementia hit.

Another opting for direct cremation.

The thought of upsetting my children by having them go through the whole funeral shit makes me so sad. It's not necessary.

Don't assume because someone is old their funeral will be poorly attended. My DH's uncle died recently aged 94. There were at least 80 at his funeral, maybe more as it was in a large cathedral and hard to gauge. My dad died aged 81 and his funeral was rammed. Over 100 came.

Working at a crematorium I can say the average is about 60. What I find very sad is when a family book the large chapel (seats 150 with standing room ) expecting a large turn out and only 20 or so turn up. We have huge unexpected funerals too - Last week a lady had over 500 mourners when we were told 100.

For my own if imagine about 50

I’ll be dead & so won’t care, know or worry about numbers at a service

I’d rather be concerned about having a good death with family around me to say goodbye and hold my hand at home

Irish and I don’t think that I have ever been to a funeral with less than 100 people and some would be in the thousands with crowds outside and a PA system so they can hear the service. That would be for old or young.

My grandfathers funeral was one of the first of a close family member that I attended as an adult.
He was a very quiet, mild mannered but incredibly kind man. He was Irish but had lived in a large US city for the last 40 of his 90 years. Hundreds of people went to huge effort to attend from all over the world. I found it comforting to realise how well thought of and loved he was.

If I go while still teaching then a lot.

My family tend to go for direct cremations but they all live on the other side of the world.

I guess if I died in uk now approx 60-100 people. Not something I've thought about before.

none, I hope - I also want direct cremation. How is following a corpse in a box 'closure'? I always find it incredibly distressing.

It was remarked upon how many attendees hadn't been 'in their lives' in any real sense, for years. But appearances were important. So they turned up.

Probably like rural Ireland, tbh.

That's not correct -- unless you're a local politician pressing the flesh or something. The idea that you only attend a funeral if you're a close personal friend/relative of the deceased simply doesn't apply in Ireland.

As a pp said, people who may never have met the dead person show up to support the family. If I died now, all my parents' friends, and people from the various things they volunteer with, and former colleagues of theirs, would all attend, as well as a large extended family from both sides, neighbours, and DH's enormous extended family and that's not even including my friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues, DH's huge circle of friends and connections, all of our mutual friends and neighbours, and DS's school friends his entire class would probably be given leave to come, and some of their parents. And that would be perfectly usual.

If my parents have been on holiday, I or one of my siblings have often gone to the funeral of someone they knew to represent them.

I'm not having one. Direct cremation. I personally find funerals unnecessary and ludicrously expensive.

Depends how long I live. If I do how my Nanna is doing and get into my 90's I bet not many friends will be left. If I go early I expect a lot of people would show up as I'm in clubs and groups and know a lot of people socially.

A dozen if I was lucky. It's the reason I didn't have a baby shower or any big birthday parties and if/when I get married will be a small thing. I fear I've burnt more bridges than I've built, but I have done so in the pursuit of the best life for me and my kids. I hope I am very old though, and that by then I have lived a life that has collected more friends. It doesn't always work like that though, IMHO it's often the people who are not very nice to their family but big members of their community in other ways who get the biggest show, the workaholics and functioning alcoholics (male narcissists predominantly) not the quiet types who spend their lives being kind, caring for children and elderly and cleaning house (I know men and women like this, but more women). The obvious exception being people who are famous in some way (even just locally) or who are still young. Teenagers usually get a big show and have the biggest lasting effect on their community, especially when it's in a tragic way, with the number generally decreasing the further away you get from school/university/college.

I’m not having a funeral I’ve spoken to Dh and if anything happened to me he would just do something with the dc to remember me by but nobody else and not at a church or crematorium

I think it depends on your age. If you die suddenly and are still of working age, I would expect more than you lived to a good age.

If I am a good age and well beyond retirement then perhaps 20 or so.

It depends how old you are when you die. If you get to 90 your friends will all be dead,

It depends when I die. If next week, then four siblings, their partners, my ex and my ds. Plus maybe 10 nieces & nephews and maybe 6 close friends. So about 24.

If I die in my nineties, I guess most of my siblings will have gone first, so half that.