Nursery letting DS sleep

[Motherofmonsters]

DS 2.5 goes to nursery on a Friday.

At home he doesn't have a nap but sometimes will at nursery which is generally okay as it's a much busier day.

However they 'promote healthy sleep' which means they aren't allowed to wake children up from a nap.

My problem is DS will not go to bed at 6.30 if they let him sleep longer than an hour. He ends up staying up to 8.30/9. Today they've let him sleep 2.15 hours!

They sent me a message to say they've woken him up even though they're not meant to but surely as the parent I should be able to allow them to wake him.

Do other nurseries wake their children?

As a nursery practitioner I can see both sides of this. From the nursery’s point of view, keeping a child up / waking them up when they’re so tired is just unfair. Nursery days are usually very busy and more tiring than a day at home and children often nap at nursery even if they have dropped them at home. we have children who we are supposed to wake after half an hour, but if the child is sound asleep and not woken easily then we let them sleep for longer as they clearly need it. The days this child was not allowed to nap (parents wishes) he fell asleep at the tea table at 4:30pm! Surely that’s a worse time for the child to sleep compared to 1pm.

My 19 month dgs gets up at 7.30 ish, has a sleep at 12 for a couple of hours usually, and is asleep by 7. This is whether he's at home or at nursery.

My own children were in bed asleep by 7 up til they went into the Juniors, when they went to bed at 8. Once they went to secondary school they stayed up til 9 (or 10 at the weekend). They both live their sleep even now, and are usually in bed by 10 on a work night 🤣

Honestly I think a lot of posters have been harsh on you OP.

My DS hasn't really napped since 18months. From 12 months to 18 months he napped usually 12-2 and then would be up until AT LEAST 10pm every night. When he stopped napping he went to bed at 6.30 and slept until 7.30am.

He is 22months now and a few weeks back he fell asleep at 2pm for an hour and I tried to get him in bed at 9, NO CHANCE. He was up until quarter to midnight.

If anyone thinks I'm wrong for keeping him awake, you are more than welcome to come and entertain him until nearly midnight every night because as a SAHM who also does bits of online work when he's in bed, I cannot cope with him being up until that time every day.

People who haven't had a child like this are never going to understand what it's like. I think the nursery are not being unreasonable but neither are you. Not many children can cope with not napping but the odd few do need to drop the nap and be kept awake, I think you need to swap nursery if they won't keep him awake!

Naps in nursery are a bloody nightmare them. I get the staff need a break but they shouldn't mess up the kids sleep routine.

@EstebanTheMagnificent

Nice little dig, @AmelieTaylor**

Don’t be ridiculous, take the chip off your shoulder! It IS very hard for most working parents to collect their child/ren , get home, snack/bath or whatever and get kids in bed by 6:30 - it’s just a fact of life these days.

My DD never reliably napped until she was in nursery full time aged 2.5. She'd sometimes sleep before that, but it took nursery to get her into a pattern. She was never a good sleeper. I think you are worrying about sleep because when you have a child who sleeps badly, everything revolves around that. I think it'd be fine to keep asking nursery if they couldn't make an exception. But also, just keep trying lots of other things. It is utterly shit when they don't sleep.

It's rubbish. I agree with the op. All this bollocks about Friday night - he's 2.5 not a friggin teenager.

There is nothing worse than caring for an over tired grumpy toddler that you are not allowed to let have a nap, because the parent wants them to go to bed early.

@karencantobe but isn’t that up to the parents? I’m sure it is difficult for the nursery but the parents are paying and their wishes for the routine of their child should be respected.

It’s not like the OP is saying this so her toddler goes to bed at 6:30 rather than 7 - he’s up till 8:30/9. That makes a big difference to the OP’s evening, why should that happen just to make the nursery’s life easier?

Expecting a nursery to be able to follow the routines and wishes of every parent is madness! If you want that level of control then use a nanny.

I don't think it's controlling to ask that they don't let him sleep more than an hour. I'm not going to shout at them.if it goes slightly over. I just think 2.15 is to much.

I haven't stated he must sleep at exactly this time for this many minutes. I don't mind when he falls asleep it's the length that's an issue

So you expect them to deal with a grumpy over tired child because you don’t want to?

Well op, he doesn't have to go the nursery, you could find somewhere that fits in with your ideas. I did for the opposite reason, I objected to mine being woken up when he was all cosily asleep but I never made a big thing about bed times. Had I done that he wouldn't have had much time with his dad in the evening and we all sat round the table to eat together. He slept all right at night, no problem, so did we.

What time do you collect him from nursery?

Agreed @Motherofmonsters. So controlling you need a nanny if you don’t want nursery to let your child sleep all day so they end up being up all evening, one of the more ridiculous comments I’ve ever heard on Mumsnet. Especially as OP child doesn’t nap at home but she is flexible about nursery letting him sleep for an hour If they think he needs it.

My son isn’t “grumpy and overtired” if he gets woken up from his nap, he just doesn’t wake up of his own accord. Thankfully my nursery understand that consistency is of benefit to a lot of children and ask for this information before the child starts so they can try to ensure they stick to it where possible.

My little one who has just turnt two has had a limit on his sleep at nursery for a good 3/4 months, of an hour and a half. They wake him after this fine and no problems. He will still be up until 8.30/9 as that is just him! That being said on his days off nursery, he will barely nap at all or sometimes for only 30/45 minutes so I think even having 90 minutes at nursery is good

@sproutmuncher Surely it is what is best for the child? And an over tired toddler is not a happy child.

Of course it is what is best for the child but if a child who naps too long in the day then won’t go to bed and is overtired and upset all evening, then exhausted the next day as they’ve not had a proper night sleep, a parent is entitled to take the view that is not best for their child.

I don't think 6.30 is too early for a 2 5 Yr old to go to bed. My four yr old often goes at this time as he's tired by then. The nursery I use takes parents wishes into the account and won't let them sleep past a certain time if you request it. I don't think it's that unusual.

Have you considered that it might be relevant that DS only goes one day a week?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a 6:30 bedtime. Even my three and four year old are asleep by 7. Some children really benefit from an earlier night and if the OP’s DS is needing a lengthy nap in the middle of the day after getting 12.5 hours sleep the previous night, then I think it sounds like his nighttime sleeping pattern is fine.

Explain to the nursery that he will get less total sleep in a 24 hr period if he naps too long in the day (assuming this is true). Therefore they are having a negative impact on his overall sleep by doing this.

ThanksItHasPockets Sat 08-Feb-20 12:29:01
Have you considered that it might be relevant that DS only goes one day a week?
......
Yes, I'd forgotten about that. However the op can find somewhere else if she's not happy.

Of course there's nothing wrong with a small child going to bed a 6.30 if they are ready for it but children are all different. Plus it does mean they don't have much family time in the evening. We always enjoyed evenings and managed to sleep well.

So you expect them to deal with a grumpy over tired child because you don’t want to?

^^

Yes. That's what they are paid to do. It's their job. I'm paid to sort shit out for people, nurseries are paid to look after grumpy infants.

OFSTED would have something to say if they saw a childcare provider preventing an EYFS child's sleep or forcing them to wake up before they were ready just for the convenience of the parents in the evening.

If a child is tired during the day then they are less open to learning.