How can I find long lost brother?

[Rainingdogsandcats]

My mum always told my sister and I that we had an older brother but that he died when he was 7. We always knew his name.

Looking for other things today it has come to light that there doesn't appear to be a record of death for this child. He'd be 60 now. My mum would have been 22 when she had him. 27 when she had my sister and 29 when she had me.

I only have his name at birth and date of birth to go on.

Some years ago my great aunt told me that my mum used to leave brother with a couple whilst she worked. Allegedly she went to collect him one weekend and they had all gone.

I think she gave him to this couple and they moved away with her knowledge.

My mum was from quite a posh family and was the black sheep. I know she didn't find motherhood easy.

Brother has same surname as me at my birth 7 years later.

Interestingly sister was born in between myself and brother but there are 2 entries in different surnames. One the same as myself and brother and one with the surname that she had as a child. How is that even possible? It's definitely same person.

On my birth certificate mum has X( first name) nee ( maiden name), late ( a different surname).
What does that mean?

Id like to find my brother. If he's seen his birth certificate he knows the people he lived with aren't his bio parents doesn't he?

I've joined ancestry but I can't seem to get anywhere.

Does anyone have any experience? X

Do you know the name of the people you think he went to live with? That might be a starting point for you.

When you said you joined ancestory - does that mean you did the dna test? My parents discovered an unknown grandchild when they did the test!

The Salvation Army offers a family tracing service. If you suspect he’s been adopted you can add yourself to the adoption contact register. www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register

Is it worth contacting adoption agencies in your area?

No I haven't done any DNA thing, just joined to look at records.

I don't know the name of the couple he went to.

I didn't know about the salvation army. I'll add myself to the register.

Thank you

If you know his name could you check marriage records.

DobbyTheHouseElk where do I find that information please?

Hi

Is your mum still alive?
As op states, finding the name of the people that your brother was living with might help in your search
Yes I have experience if searching both, ancestry & descendants, also hospital records and adoption

Your local registry office might be able to tell you where to look. These are public records.

Marriage indexes are online and in many public libraries (city libraries) they index all marriages since 1837 - a couple of years ago

Your issue is that your brother may not have used his birth name to marry, it depends what he has been told by the people caring for him

You could search the marriage indexes from approximately 1976 - 2007 under his birth name, noting all the possible entries

Probably a stupid question -
But do you know what his name might be now?
If so have you googled it and 192 to bring up electoral register results? Looked on Facebook and companies house etc? Obviously this is easier with a more unusual name.
If you don’t know the surname he might go by then that’s pretty tricky. Anyone still in the family who would know the surname or address of the people he might have gone off with?
Lots of people have a digital footprint these days.

It was all very cloak and dagger. She seems to have told most people that he died. Maybe he did die. Maybe the couple told her he did. I can't find his birth name on any death register but he might have been given a different name.

I've found out in the past hour the name of my biological father and the name of the man who she married first. Seems my father was husband number 2.

Assuming these events took place in England/Wales, have you found his birth registration on FreeBMD? If you have the index information you could order the birth certificate from GRO Online - and if he was adopted the certificate will be endorsed with the word “Adopted” in the right-hand margin. That would at least rule one possibility in or out.

Your sister’s birth being indexed under two surnames may just mean that she was registered as the child of unmarried parents, and indexed under both surnames. That was the format before 1969, when changes were made to the form so that a single surname was entered for the child.

LarkDescending AHH that would make sense about sisters birth as they weren't married and it was 1964.

I will order his birth certificate then. Is there any way of seeing it without buying the whole thing?

I think you need to prepare for the fact he may not want anything to do with you.

I have “long lost family” out there and I would be very angry if they tried to find and contact me. Having the same blood doesn’t make you true family; you’re only sharing the same genes. Family is who you grow up with, who you were looked after by and with.

I just think it’s worth you taking that into consideration so as not to be shocked if he doesn’t want contact. And if he says he doesn’t want contact, don’t persist.

I have experience of this. Dna ancestry is your first step. Even if it doesn’t pull him up, it may pull up his children which gives you numerous leads.

I agree that you need to carefully think about what to do if you do discover he is still alive and you know where he is. He may not want to be found, may not know his full family history. Imagine being told that your family told everyone you had died.

Of course I wouldn't want to go blundering into any life. My mum was a complicated character and had a tough time.

I've always been curious about him. The story never rang true but who knows.

There might be somewhere I could leave my details perhaps.

Of course I wouldn't want to go blundering into any life.

But if you found him, that’s exactly what you would be doing.

You would be selfishly forcing yourself into someone else’s life because you’re “curious”.

Just because I want to find him and know if he's alive doesn't mean I'll interfere in his life.

You can’t see a birth certificate without ordering it. If you do order it, be sure to do so direct from GRO Online rather than paying a much higher price for Ancestry or any other middleman to do so.

If he was adopted the birth certificate will not contain any information about his birth name or adoptive parents.

In those circumstances you could consider adding your details to the Adoption Contact Register so that he would have a means of contacting you if he wished to do so.

*Sorry, I meant to say the birth certificate won’t contain any details of any new name given upon adoption. It will of course give the birth name (which you already know).

Just because I want to find him and know if he's alive doesn't mean I'll interfere in his life.

Except that him just knowing you tried to find him or you leaving your contact details for him will bring up a whole load of emotional shit for him.

Writing a letter is a compassionate way of giving him a choice over whether he wants to contact OP. She doesn't know whether he even knows she exists. He should be given that choice sensitively and at a distance if he is still around. OP is hardly going to turn up at his doorstep.

Why would you be angry at someone who has done you no wrong offering you contact if you want it in a non-pushy way?

Maybe sometime he decided not to contact or trace any family.