How can I find long lost brother?

[Rainingdogsandcats]

My mum always told my sister and I that we had an older brother but that he died when he was 7. We always knew his name.

Looking for other things today it has come to light that there doesn't appear to be a record of death for this child. He'd be 60 now. My mum would have been 22 when she had him. 27 when she had my sister and 29 when she had me.

I only have his name at birth and date of birth to go on.

Some years ago my great aunt told me that my mum used to leave brother with a couple whilst she worked. Allegedly she went to collect him one weekend and they had all gone.

I think she gave him to this couple and they moved away with her knowledge.

My mum was from quite a posh family and was the black sheep. I know she didn't find motherhood easy.

Brother has same surname as me at my birth 7 years later.

Interestingly sister was born in between myself and brother but there are 2 entries in different surnames. One the same as myself and brother and one with the surname that she had as a child. How is that even possible? It's definitely same person.

On my birth certificate mum has X( first name) nee ( maiden name), late ( a different surname).
What does that mean?

Id like to find my brother. If he's seen his birth certificate he knows the people he lived with aren't his bio parents doesn't he?

I've joined ancestry but I can't seem to get anywhere.

There is a group on Facebook called "long lost families based in the uk" they are very good at finding information and people.

Writing a letter is a compassionate way of giving him a choice over whether he wants to contact OP.

CrimsonCattery No, it really isn’t compassionate. You’re dumping a whole load of emotional history and baggage through someone’s letterbox.

He isn’t your family, OP. He’s just someone else your mother made through having sex.

Why would you be angry at someone who has done you no wrong offering you contact if you want it in a non-pushy way?

Because they’re absolutely nothing to do with me. They’re not my family. So what if we happen to share the same blood? It’s irrelevant and it doesn’t mean anything.

It’s random strangers being extremely selfish. There is no non-pushy, compassionate way to go about invading and intruding on someone else’s life on the simple basis that you happen to share DNA.

It’s irrelevant and it doesn’t mean anything

To you. It's irrelevant to you. He may feel differently so it's not fair to come down on the OP like this.

To you. It's irrelevant to you. He may feel differently so it's not fair to come down on the OP like this.

forrandomposts Exactly - OP doesn’t know how he’d feel. So it’s unfair for her to set off an emotional bomb when she has no idea how it will be received.

Heartsonacake you clearly have very strong feelings in this but I think you are being unfair to the OP. A letter or other mediated contact will probably only tell the recipient what they already knew - if there is extra I do then this is also their info. They have a right to access it or disregard it.

Many people would be delighted to be contacted. I had a biological relative call me one day whilst I was cooking tea - tea got delayed but it was an opportunity and we are great friends now.

I appreciate that people may feel really different but it would have been such a shame had I not taken that phone call. If it means nothing it shouldn’t be be too disruptive - shared genes don’t mean much to me but actually somewhere along the way something made meaningful sense.

I'd use Ancestry DNA as a starting point.
You never know he may have also done this!
Next start getting copies of certificates via the GRO.
Join ancestry and build a private family tree so you can record all your research xxx

A good friend of mine (in his late 50's) found he had a half sister that no one knew about through 23andme genetic testing. She actually contacted his uncle and the uncle told him and although nervous at first, he did go and meet her and was really thrilled to have done so and established a relationship.

OP, you should actually do the 23andme and/or ancestry testing and your brother may turn up that way.

I also think heartsonacake, that you are dominating the thread and need to allow for other opinions than your own.

This happened to us. The intrusion was most unwelcome and caused some serious issues. Be very careful, some people stay hidden for a reason.

You can’t see a birth certificate without ordering it

No but you can manipulate free online resources to give you at least some of the information.

Freebmd allows you to see children born to a particular maiden name within a selected time frame.

The GRO Index itself can also be manipulated to give you maiden name information for free before 1911, freebmd doesn’t give you that.

If you order a certificate you are paying for someone to search for it, make a copy and send it for £10.50