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Original poster

Meet ups with childfree friends

39 replies

illandBored · 03/02/2020 10:51

Hi,

I’m wondering because I have 2 kids under 2 who needs constant attention and entertaining, I cannot schedule any social meet ups in places like restaurants/cafes and actuallt enjoying it because it’s boring for my kids to sit there watching me without being entertained.

Ofcourse my go to place would be soft play, cafe with toddler play area, Ikea! And so on. But I don’t know if I’m being selfish to choose places that are convenient for me and my kids which aren’t really made for adults but it’s also because I need my kids entertained if I’m to have any time to talk to a friend.

What are the good places for child-free friends to meet with friends with kids?

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 03/02/2020 10:54

Can you do an eve or weekend when perhaps partner or relative can take over and enjoy some child free time with your friend?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2020 10:57

Soft play is hell on Earth, even for most parents. If you suggested that to me I’d assume you were joking.

Invite your friends over to yours? Cook them dinner once your kids are asleep and give them your undivided attention.

BendingSpoons · 03/02/2020 11:00

I prefer to be in someone's house, preferably mine and over nap time. Then we can chat in peace. Even soft play etc doesn't give you much opportunity to chat as you are up and down to the children and it is chaos.

Damntheman · 03/02/2020 12:39

Seconding the suggestion to do it in evenings or times when the father or a grandparent can watch the child for you. It's no fun for a friend to watch you run after your kids all day. Alternatively have them come to your house where your kids will at least be in their home environment and need less active supervision.

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2020 12:41

Soft play is hell on earth.

Do you have any child care? Could they come to you after the children are in bed?

inwood · 03/02/2020 12:43

Can you get a babysitter, have friends over to you after bed time?

Christ I took my kids to soft play once and I won't ever go again. Leave that to DH.

lastqueenofscotland · 03/02/2020 12:43

I’ve no children. I’ve got a friend in the group i see most often, that brings her 4 year old with her everywhere. Often when not totally appropriate. It can ruin a meeting because you are trying to catch up and she is trying to entertain the child constantly
I wouldn’t go to soft play but I’d happily go to their house or invite them to mine.
Alternatively could your DH/P or a family member watch them for 3 hours while you went to have lunch.

NameChange84 · 03/02/2020 12:49

I’m the childless friend and frequently met up at soft play. It wasn’t ideal but we kept our friendships going. What’s worked best is meeting at a coffee shop an hour before nap time and then back to friend’s with kids houses for a child free chat while the kids were napping upstairs.

To be honest though, I like kids, I’m a teacher and I’m good with them and don’t get too irritated with constant chatter and interruptions. Other child free friends don’t enjoy meet-ups with kids in tow as much so a lot will depend on the friend. Have an open discussion, ie “I really want to keep our friendship going but with two young kids I realise it’s hard to find the best venue and what would be fair on us all. How would you feel about sometimes meeting me at Soft Play or Ikea?”

Things change again when they go to school or nursery and you’ve a bit more time on your hands. It’s just those first few years that friendships can be trickier ime. Definitely harder to have grown up conversations or heart to hearts!

OhMeows · 03/02/2020 13:00

Can you meet in the evenings when they're in bed and DP is home?

PureAlchemy · 03/02/2020 13:06

I’ve met friends before in cafe’s with soft play attached - not an actual soft play as such, but garden centres or shops with a small soft play area next to the cafe bit.
Not ideal, but they do tend to have a more grown up offering in those cafes than in an actual soft play.

Otherwise the only sensible option is inviting people round to your house - even if the kids are awake, they’ve got their own toys (or CBeebies!) to entertain them while you chat with your friends.

Original poster

illandBored · 03/02/2020 19:11

I didn’t realise people were so anti- soft play!! What’s the reason?

Unfortunately my home or her home aren’t options. Naptimes are precious to me as that’s the time in the day I can catch up on sleep/chores as I have a newborn waking me up at night.

Childcare might be a good way to catch up. I only get help with 3 hours on the weekend from DH which I currently dedicate for personal things. This friend wants to meet twice a month and I honestly would LOVE for that to be possible but I know for sure I can’t dedicate my childfree times that often For a chat and coffee.

I was just wondering how others do it. It’s hard. And overwhelming. Soft play is just the most feasible option for me ! I wish people didn’t hate it so much !

OP posts:

Original poster

illandBored · 03/02/2020 19:11

Cafe with a play area sounds like a good idea actuallt so might look into that.

OP posts:

Damntheman · 03/02/2020 19:14

Why is your personal time rationed and limited to 3 hours on a weekend? Where is he during the rest of the time?

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 03/02/2020 19:15

DH ‘helps’ for 3 hours at the weekend only?

Anyway that aside if your friend wants to be with such regularity then yes drag her soft play

Blackbear19 · 03/02/2020 19:17

2 under 2 I'd avoid soft play. When they are older and can play independently then maybe but at that age you need to supervise closely.

With kids that age a coffee in the house is better. They have toys and ceebies to entertain them and limited places to go.

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2020 19:17

I didn’t realise people were so anti- soft play!! What’s the reason?

Noisy, crap food, hundreds of kids around, feeling totally out of place with no children.

Meeting less often somewhere nice would be my preference. Twice a month is quite ambitious.

Berrymuch · 03/02/2020 19:18

Why do you only get 3 hours at a weekend?

KiteflyingKat · 03/02/2020 19:18

I tend to meet at places like National Trust places so kids can run around but they are normally quite nice places for adults too. Must of them do require a car though.

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2020 19:19

Does your husband do his share at home? If not, you’d have more time if you were spending less time doing his share.

user1493413286 · 03/02/2020 19:22

I would just be honest and say restaurants and cafes aren’t possible; would she be up for a garden centre or cafe with soft play so you can chat more easily. Those places tend to be a bit nicer than actual soft play centres although I wouldn’t have minded going to those places before I had DC if it meant seeing a friend

Original poster

illandBored · 03/02/2020 19:24

I meant 3 hours where he takes him off somewhere.

I work from home part time. DH works long hours full time but yes does quite a bit at home and works one day from home to help with the kids. We spend one day wirh our families at the weekend and the other weekend day he takes him away so I do some personal things and he comes home And helps me with prepping for the week.

He would take him longer if I wanted but it’s the only day he reallr can do that and he usually is helping the rest of the day. M

The set up works for us. We don’t have support from others much at all. And can’t afford to pay someone to do it

OP posts:

Snaleandthewhail · 03/02/2020 19:28

I feel good if I see my friends for a proper catch up twice a year...

Soft play is noisy and dirty and full of unpleasantness.

The best bet, if you can’t or won’t escape for an evening (lack of sleep makes me very dubious of evening commitments) is out doing something - a walk in the woods, trip to a park.

But tbh this is why friendships when you have young kids and others are childless often falter; neither side understand the other enough.

Barbararara · 03/02/2020 19:29

Not the best time of year for it but I found parks were pretty good. Tbh in the early years I only kept up with childfree friends who could cope around my dc. The ones who couldn’t, tended to be the type who needed my complete and total attention, and I wasn’t able for that on my rare nights out.

Anyway to answer your question:
Home, beach or anywhere with a decent sandpit, parks, playground, zoo, cafe with a play area, Ikea, and soft play.

Enoughisenoughhhhh · 03/02/2020 19:30

OP, how often did you frequent softplay before you had dc?

Does it really need explaining? Its loud and bright and lacking any semblance of atmosphere, the coffee is awful, the food is horrid, everything is overpriced. You're still supposed to be supervising your child so its not like you are able to properly focus on a conversation. There are overexcited children everywhere. It would of course be selfish to suggest this to a child free friend.

I have 2 toddler dc myself so dont think me unsympathetic.

Why are neither of your homes options?
Why is your free time limited to 3 hours at the weekend and what are these mysterious 'personal things' that you do if not seeing friends?
Better choices if you must take kids in tow are a walk round a country park or similar somewhere with a quick cafe stop at the end. Assuming your kid goes in the creche, IKEA is not a terrible shout. At least you can talk uninterrupted.
At the end of the day, if you value the friendship and it's not a mum friend then you should make time to see that person without your kids in tow. Personally I'd struggle to do so 2x a month so perhaps it's a case of adjusting that expectation.

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 03/02/2020 19:35

I'd say it would depend on how much your friend actually likes kids. I find them very difficult myself, which is why I don't have any. I can manage to make the appropriate noises and faces at one child at a time, but being surrounded by scores of them all shouting and crying at a soft play thing would make me have an anxiety attack, quite frankly.

I get that you don't want your children to be bored in a more adult setting, but perhaps your friend would be bored and/or stressed by what you would want to do. Have you asked her? Or has this question been prompted by something she's said?

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